People tell me to leave and find someone new. I'm tired doing that, because I always end up with the same heartache over again. I'm one of the nicest girls, I'm just the one that has trauma problems that I been working so hard on myself to heal and let go. My son doesn't want me to leave him, because he likes it there. He's grandma and mom loved me before they passed away. He's Aunt loves me as well. He's family and some of his friends tell me that he loves me. I just wish he could show me more with his actions, because it's his actions that is telling me that he doesn't love me anymore and wants someone else. No one understands how that really makes me feel. I feel like he will leave me for someone else, just like everyone else has in the past. I know no one likes to read what I say, but at least I'm not being fake about who I am and how I truly feel. I'm not scared to share anything about myself, about what I been through in my life. Some people tell me it's part of healing. I have a whole lot of healing to do. I got myself a self-love stone and a protection stone yesterday. Self-love stone so I can start loving myself, I haven't loved myself for many years. Guys should me a lot of what not to love about myself. Protection stone to help me to feel safe from what has happened to, I haven't felt completely safe from everything yet. I keep looking over my shoulder to see if I am safe and wake up at different hours throughout the night. I need to get more different kinds of stones for other things to help me. I feel like I'm wasting my time writing, but I'm really am not because this is part of healing. Maybe not to you guys, but it is too me. I promise a friend that I will write, share and not cut. So I'm trying to keep it that way.
© Charlotte B.