I don't know how many of you have Insomnia like I do, but if you do then you know how much it sucks! I do anything to get rid of my Chronic Insomia, it's the one Disablity out of all my disabilities that I wish I didn't have. My Chronic Insomnia has caused me more than good and has definitely abused my body. It's also possible that my Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder made the insomnia worse than it would have been had I not gotten Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(for those of you who don't know what Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is, or what's the difference between Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder then no futher. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or CPTSD for short is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but for children and adolescents and maybe even young adults, but usually referred to children. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD is for adults, possibly 18 and up or older). But I did, unfortunately, and for years every night(sometimes during the day too) I'd be triggered, to the point where I can't fall alseep. Every creek, noise, carlight or sudden sounds would keep me up at night. These noise and light put me in a state of consistant fear(trigger warning) fear of getting attacked while sleeping and being beheaded, fear of being sexual assaulted again, of a shadow figure coming toward me and doing thee unthinkable. Then there the Night Terrors, The Dreams, that my worse fears of the night and makes them a reality. This is why I have to sleep under the covers and have my whole body covered with a blanket(Yes, it makes the summers unbearable, but for fear of my life I don't have much of a choice). So, after awhile my body, I guessed, was trained and got used to the restless nights. The nights would be so bad that I slept in my patent's until eleven or twelve then I had to sleep on my own (I get it, I was getting too old,but you don't understand the nights are like re-playing the same horror movie over and over again). The transition from sleeping with my parents for a sense of protection was not easy. At first, had to sleep in a sleeping bag while sleeping on my bed with blankets on of the sleeping bag(two to three layers at the most). Then I had to figure the nightlight and how much light was too much light, and much wasn't enough. I discovered that while I am sleep close, small and confined spaces I don't need at light, same goes for when there is a sleep over or 24/7 protection, then I won't need any lights. And if, I feel truly safe where no one can hurt me then I'll have my head over the covers(there have only been two times in my life time that I can remember to where this was the case). But, if I don't have sense of protection at night then I have to have the lights on. If there are other people currently in the house/apartments or they plan on coming back sometimes through out the night then I only need your traditional nightlight. However, if they aren't coming back because they went on vocation or decided to visit to someone and will be gone for a days then I have to have every single light on in the house on both day and night and while I am away for class or the weekend. There can not be a single shadow anywhere in the house or I'll get triggered. I discovered this when I first moved out of dad's house to live on my own in the dormrooms for Portland State University in downtown Portland. I lived in two separate dorms while I was attending PSU from the Winter of 2013 to the Winter of 2015. I moved into Blummel in early May of 2013, and already just within a couple of hours of living there I got triggered from the shadows of the room's hallway. I was so freaked out that I had to sleep in the bathroom for two whole weeks because it was the room in the place that I could lock. Creepy stuff happened in that apartment/dorm room in the two months I was living there. There were several times where I felt like I was processed and even mom said that the room was creepy to where she uncomfortable being alone. Because of that I move to BlackStone an old 1930's Art Deco apartment building owned by the University(PSU actually owns few old apartment buildings). The outside of the building was super cool because it had a couple of Eyptian Pharaohs on the front of the building. I was on the second floor and boy did I love the kitchen, never in my life have I seen so many cabinets, it was heaven. I stayed there until Spring of 2015, but it was Blackstone where my Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder manifested and where I started to noticed things that I never did before. I discovered that I had to have lights in every corner not a single shadow insight or I would be able to sleep and would get panic attacks(there was one time I woke up on early Saturday or Sunday morning having a really bad panic attack called the RA and got in trouble for doing so on Monday morning). Because of the triggers I had no choice but to buy/get tons lamps to get rid of the shadows in the house or I wouldn't be able to sleep and I had to have the lights when I went away either class or the weekend. I had so many lamps that it was becoming a fire hazard but I couldn't sleep otherwise and I need my sleep for school and to do other stuff so didn't have a choice. Before Blackstone or actually before Post-Secondary School, I don't really remember staying up for two to four days without any sleep, maybe there were a few a times in the past, but nothing like it was living in Blackstone. I'd have several weeks where I was up forty-eight hours or more with either no sleep or just two or three hours at the most. Even with no sleep or little sleep I would function as if I got sleep;however, by the third and fourth day I would go a little insane from not getting any sleep. Ever since then it's been a gianormous problem, think the commuting between several cities might have also made the insomnia worse in addition to what was already going. No matter what the cause was for my Chronic Insomnia, either I am not getting enough enough sleep even when I desperate like now, I can't fall asleep, body will say it's tired, I'll yawn, my eyes will get droopy, but once in bed I can't fall asleep! I'll be in bed for hours thinking about nothing or something because I can't fall asleep. It's now at the point where I am completely and very desperately to find a solution!(I wish there was a cure for insomnia, because I take it in a heart beat). I have tried medicination after medication and non seem to work or they won't last for very long. This Chronic Insomnia is ruining my life and I am only getting a few days out the week where I any and all sleep. I need sleep, it's because of my little sleep, where I like sleeping because it's catch up time for all days with no sleep. But I desperately need sleep, all I wanna do is get six to eight hours of sleep everyday on consistant basis for the rest of my life! That's all I want, I want it for Christmas, I want it for Hanukkah, heck I would even love it for my New Year Resolution! But nothing is working and I am desperate! I currently have a giant headache that would only go away with sleep, but I haven't for last the last forty-eight hours and all I wanna do is SLEEP! Sleep, why can't I sleep? I hate you Chronic Insomnia, if you were a person I'd kill you then I murder you and then I do it over and over again. But you, Chronic Insomnia are not a person, your the misery of my life, the one Disablity I'd would go away forever. I can manage my other disabilities, you Chronic Insomnia I can not managed. You get worse in creepy rooms that are probably haunted, you cause frustration anytime in generation when I want sleep and make get massive headahes and won't let them go away because you refuse to give me sleep. Chronic Insomnia, I am literally getting tired from all the abuse you cause my body from not getting any sleep! Chronic Insomnia, I hate you, I wish you'd away, you make me miserable and grumpy and your making me lose my sanity. So please Chronic Insomnia let me get sleep, because all I wanna do is sleep, for the love Gods and all things holy let me sleep! Chronic Insomnia, here how it is going to work, either you let me get the sleep I need whenever I need it or I'd scavenge the earth to find me a bill or magical cure to make go away, and if there is hell I'd you go down let me be, so I get some shut eye. You've taken away my sleep and now I want it back!