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Picture this, as you:
Today you woke up,
the first thought in your head was
"is he here? " and if not "where?"
if he's gone, you tiredly anxiously search to find a clue of anything, letter explaining why or where he's ran of to, if not then worriedly find your coat to search where he had left to.
Your mind still half asleep but those terrible thoughts flooding in. you can't help but think of the night before, ask yourself why must you look for the bastard anyways, he swore he wouldn't leave as you lay in bed, his body laying on top of yours, soaking in the brief affection he's lending you after sex then you fall asleep to wake-up alone, like you do almost every night.
but always the same scenario, yet he's so convincing when you see his eyes peering into your soul like a moth to a flame telling you sweet meaningless nothing's of his bullshit. But, more like I'm the moth... because I'm the one hurt at the end of the day. actually, all day. like, right now, look at me, running around in oversized clothes of his I could get on as easily than my own in a hurry, walking around screaming his name like a cat in heat trying to find a sign of him because I'm worried, about what? may you ask? if he's wondered off lost or lost time? if he's left me for good? or if he's off with someone he shouldn't be with? or if he's using again? or if he's dead? or fell out somewhere unsafe? or
a wild animal got to him? I don't know, just anything could be wrong!
I don't know.
that's the thing.
Me not knowing, is what has caused me to develop extreme PTSD and separation anxiety.
Because, he has put me through everything you could think of to hurt someone. Who knows who he's with, what he's doing, or how long he'll be! hours days weeks.... So he could be doing anything and everything I could possibly imagine and it causes me to panic and once my separation anxiety starts it doesn't stop til I find him. it's hell.... and I'm too stupid and weak I stay, because...
I'm in love with a person that is a narrassist with sociopath tendencies.
and I don't know how to let him go....
,© LKW
the first thought in your head was
"is he here? " and if not "where?"
if he's gone, you tiredly anxiously search to find a clue of anything, letter explaining why or where he's ran of to, if not then worriedly find your coat to search where he had left to.
Your mind still half asleep but those terrible thoughts flooding in. you can't help but think of the night before, ask yourself why must you look for the bastard anyways, he swore he wouldn't leave as you lay in bed, his body laying on top of yours, soaking in the brief affection he's lending you after sex then you fall asleep to wake-up alone, like you do almost every night.
but always the same scenario, yet he's so convincing when you see his eyes peering into your soul like a moth to a flame telling you sweet meaningless nothing's of his bullshit. But, more like I'm the moth... because I'm the one hurt at the end of the day. actually, all day. like, right now, look at me, running around in oversized clothes of his I could get on as easily than my own in a hurry, walking around screaming his name like a cat in heat trying to find a sign of him because I'm worried, about what? may you ask? if he's wondered off lost or lost time? if he's left me for good? or if he's off with someone he shouldn't be with? or if he's using again? or if he's dead? or fell out somewhere unsafe? or
a wild animal got to him? I don't know, just anything could be wrong!
I don't know.
that's the thing.
Me not knowing, is what has caused me to develop extreme PTSD and separation anxiety.
Because, he has put me through everything you could think of to hurt someone. Who knows who he's with, what he's doing, or how long he'll be! hours days weeks.... So he could be doing anything and everything I could possibly imagine and it causes me to panic and once my separation anxiety starts it doesn't stop til I find him. it's hell.... and I'm too stupid and weak I stay, because...
I'm in love with a person that is a narrassist with sociopath tendencies.
and I don't know how to let him go....
,© LKW
