"Keep it down, your in the Library, Keep it down, everyone can hear you! Keep it down your inside, Keep it down, Keep it down....." If only I could, but don't have the luxury! You see, I am 50% Deaf, so imagine hearing everything and then cutting it in half! Half of normal is my normal and it's not like I ask for this, I was born this way! Something happen during those 9 months in the womb and now I have hearing loss! I am not complaining, in fact I love my hearing loss! My hearing loss has help shape and make me who I am today and I love me! What I am complaining is the rest of the world for their of lack understanding and caring and to be honest it hurts, like a lot especially if its your love ones or close friends! There isn't a day that goes by where I am not dealing with some kind of grief for being Hard of Hearing! Also, just FYI if your expecting an apology for my loudness, your not getting it! If I do, apologize it's more because I don't have the energy to agrue, and don't you dare bring up those noise cancelling headphones, those things cost at least 150 or more and that is definitely something I can't afford. Why should I have too? I do I have to spend my or my parents or family, friends hard earn money on noise cancelling headphones just to make your life eaiser when you refuse to meet me half way! You're always taking about inclusiveness and respecting one's identity, but you refuse to respect me as a Hard of Hearing individual and as member of Disabled Community! Why should I respect yours when, you can't respect mine? Why should listen to anything you have to say when you refuse to listen to mine or complain that I do too much talking! I don't talk a lot because I wanna to or can, I do it because I am Hard of Hearing and I am asking for you to rephase or repeat or even to clatify whatever it is your talking about and I actually do talk too much, A. you'll know, and B. know that it's complicated and that there is darker meaning behind it, which for many Disables is super common. Again, not apologizing nor I am going to put up with your hypocrisy! I just currently don't have energy or stamina to fight you. Understand that while it may seem like a simple ask or reminder, what you say and how you go it about not mention the when and where, know that it really hurts and often makes wanna and sometimes wish I was no longer in existent or even born! Saying, something as simple as "Please keep it down or can you keep it down" when I am trying to have a conversation is really hurtful and makes me feel like I am inhuman and that my welling being and social life are meaningless! Just because I am loud doesn't mean I am trying to be annoying, it means I need to hear myself and the person I am talking too! There could be several reason why this is the case, 1. could be that there is so much noise in the background that talking loud is the only way to hear, 2. could be the person's voice, as a Hard of Hearing person certain sounds come easier or harder and depending on individual's frequency depends on how well they will hear people talk and the sounds around them! For me, I stuggle with high pitch and soft sounds so talking to women or whispering/soft voices make extremely difficult to hear so I have no choice but. 3. Could be my hearing aids, either because they aren't working, or maybe there is glitch or maybe they causing my ears pain! Keep in mind that a hearing aid like a headphone or earbud and every so often I have to take them out or it could damage what hearing I left! Then of course, which is often the case they need new batteries! If your thinking "Oh just learn ASL, that be so much convenient and easier" 1. You could not make an even more insulting and rude suggestion than that and 2. Did you ever bother to think why, I didn't learn ASL in the first place? Did ever occur to you that maybe I wasn't allowed too? That my parent(s) would let me, or that I didn't have access to ASL? Did ever occur to you? And don't give me that internet talk, you don't know what you're gonna get/find or if it is even correct so don't give me! 4. (going back to me and my loudness) I have every right to have a conversation loud or not so just deal with it! Beside, you wouldn't ask a senior citizen to pipe it down(if your did then I don't know what to say) so why ask me?! You ask me because you can't see it, therefore, you expect, so except the unexcepted, looks can be decieving. Its, not just with random strangers that I have this problem, I also have to deal with at home with family. Constantly and daily I get the reminder of "Are you wearing your hearing aids" Mmm...let me think, just got out of bed, so no, just took a shower, so wore headphones so no, You see where I am going this? If no, doesn't work for then I can't help you! I am not going to wear my hearing aids while sleeping nor am I automatically going to put in the morning when I have other things on my mind! Also, I am an adult, I don't need your consistant brickery on whether or not I am wearing my hearing aids, I wear them when I need too and don't when I want you too! Not only that it's hard to want to wear them when your not willing to meet me half way! why should I put in the effort of you're not going too?! I mean, I am already making sacrifices as it is, I can't listen too or watch any T.V or music without headphones or hearings aids after 8:30, 9pm because you can't the noise, yet you're not willing to do the same! I mean is it really too much to ask for you to meet me halfway? Is it really that hard for you to look up "how too" when comes to the Hard of Hearing? I feel like I am not asking for much, but apparently I am! And it hurts, it always hurts, I am human, I have feeling yet if it is not convenient for you then you feel need to trample all over my feelings and make feel terrible and worthless! I am trying my best, I am trying my hardest, but there is only so much I can take! Also, it's dangerous when you ask me to keep it down you're forcing me into a dangerous situation! Example in point, my headphones are not noise cancelling and my hearing loss requires me to up the volume! Telling me to keep it down, means I am forced to move the back of the bus or to a quite area! So, something happens and I get hurt and live to tell the tail you better believe I am coming after you! I told you, I was Hard of Hearing, I told I needed to sit in the front for safety purposes, but my loudness was to much of an inconvenience for you so now my life is literally in jeopardy! I mean, if my hearing loss is just an inconvenience for you then how about putting a sign up that says "Hard of Hearing" If it's really a convenient for then let's go back to those days of Jim Crow laws and segregation! Yet, you and I both know that ain't gonna fly and thanks to The Civil Rights Acts of 1964 that is Discrimination, so unless you wanna lawsuit on your hands I suggest you stop telling to Keep on Down! I am not saying I like sitting in the back but I should not be forced too, no one should ever be force to do anything! I was born this way, I can't help it, and I do my best too make your life eaiser, but gotta meet me halfway! You gotta understand that my loudness is not to annoy, but to hear! I can't hear same way you do and my loudness makes up for that, but you telling me to keep it down isn't gonna change anything unless you had an actual cure for hearing loss in which case I reject you! But what it will do is make it to where I have to make sacrifices and those sacrifices can be deadly! So the next time you ask me to "Keep it Down" remember that your words hurt me terribly, and will only cause problems later on! Nothing will ever change, we can have this conversation, 100s, 1000s, 100000s of times but nothing will ever change unless you decide to make take the time to make it change! I am willing to meet you halfway, I am willing to put in the effort, but you must do the same if you want me to "KEEP IT DOWN" then give me a reason and the resources to do so, because it is not fair that I make sacrifices when you're unwilling too! So until then, I will not keep it down! will be as loud as humanly possible and if you don't like it that is not my problem it's yours so don't something about you have the power to find a solution, you have the will to create change and meet me halfway! So, what say you? Are going to keep on telling me to Keep it down? or are going to be proactive and find a way to we are not only both happy but also safe?!