I was eighteen when I first lost my virginity. I was in a relationship with my second ex girlfriend at the time, who I went to school with. She helped me leave my first abusive relationship and I'm forever grateful to her for that. We made love in her house when we both were eighteen years old and it was interesting. We had music playing in the background and I remember her and I both enjoying each other's company. Of course we went all the way and of course, we both were scared; but we loved each other and took care of each other. Sex was something sacred to me and I remember being depressed after we made love because I thought I disappointed God and myself. I was ashamed of myself and at the time, I was addicted to alcoholism. I kept drinking a lot and nearly died. At the time, my ex was finding herself and she ended up being a lesbian. She helped me experiment with men, women and everyone in between and vice versa. She and I have had threesomes with other people and it was an interesting time for me. I was still finding myself and after a while, I realized that I loved men, women and everything in between. I've been celibate for the last few years and it's getting on my nerves, but I honestly don't miss having sex. I've been focusing on myself and doing that I always wanted to do and I feel amazing. Mind you, I was with my second ex girlfriend for two years and after we went our own ways, I sank into a deep depression and my life wasn't the same. She was the love of my life and I missed having sex. Sex brought us closer together and it made me see her in a whole different light. I lost my virginity to someone I trusted and let me say that I don't regret it once. I've been with different people and let me say that my second ex girlfriend and I NEVER cheated on each other. We were always faithful to each other and she was an amazing woman. For a few years, I blamed myself for having sex because I was taught that fornication was a sin and I thought I disappointed God and I thought I disappointed myself. Sex is something that is sacred and I promised my second ex girlfriend that I wouldn't ever go into exact details about our sexual experiences. Losing your virginity to someone you trust is a blessing and it's also rewarding because sex should be about being free. I was eighteen when I first lost my virginity and let say that I don't regret it one bit.




© Josiah Bhola Hillaire