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A short diary/Psychosis
February 1st 2017
Things have been rough lately, and I’m truly starting to struggle with dealing with them. So I'm writing this diary in a bid to rationalise or even understand what’s happening. I don’t trust anyone recently, I feel detached from everyone. Mainly due to the presumption they have ill intentions for me. Sometimes it’s almost like I can hear them, but maybe that’s just my nerves getting the best of me. I’m constantly on edge, jumping when my eyes play tricks on me. I can’t believe I’m so scared of my own shadow. I doubt this judgement, just in passing.
I’m not entirely sure what to write, so I'll try again tomorrow.
J x
February 2nd 2017
I didn’t sleep last night. Not that it shocked me, I keep hearing people whispering amongst themselves behind my door – I live alone. Further to that, I check almost quarter-hourly, opening the door to empty space and increasing the volume of my fear. I stayed in today because I didn’t need to see anyone or buy anything, so that was a bonus. I’ve mainly been reading the news via a proxy on my phone, listening to some shit on the radio just to spare me from the silence. It was also kinda funny, because I kept hearing my name so instinctively I replied, forgetting about the radio. Was weird at first but I guess it happens.
Gonna try sleep now.
J x
February 3rd 2017
Another sleepless night, it’s unbearable. My eyes are heavy and dry, my entire body aches regardless if I rest or move. My bed was shaking all night, I could hear the usual talking outside but there was growling too. Is somebody keeping me hostage? I had a scout around my cupboards so I'm good for a week or so. Hopefully they’ll go after a while and I can escape, but for now I’m gonna play their game. I found a strip of Clonazepam so I’ve taken a couple to knock me to sleep for a few hours. My doors barricaded – I feel safe.
J x
06/09/1987
I don’t know how long I slept for, I think 2 days because the milks sour. My laptops date claims it to be 06/09/1987, I don’t believe time travel is possible so I can rule that out. A few people I knew have messaged me asking if I'm okay since they haven’t heard anything. I haven’t responded, I know it’s not them. My captors must have assumed control of their phones in an attempt to lure me out. Do they think I'm stupid? I'm smarter than they will ever be. Still, I beg to escape sooner rather than later.
J x
???????
I’m not sure how long it’s been since I wrote, I’ve been taking whatever tablets I had left to uphold a elongated slumber. They’re now banging at the door at random intervals, during which I hide and remain silent if I should wake. As a result of my sleeping habit, I have preserved plenty of nourishment but I have a growing concern that they’re gonna invade the quarters soon due to impatience. I’ve moved everything essential in the bathroom, including things to defend myself when the time comes. I need to stay vigilant, so I’m not sure when, or if I will write again.
J x
I think it has been several months since I wrote, and this will be my final time. My food ran dry a long time ago, my limbs close to impossible to lift... My captors show no signs of retreat, so my options have narrowed to but one. I see them inside my flat, on the walls, doors and floors. I see them looking through the drainpipe, a sulphuric stare – not a single blink. There's fluorescent gasses filling the room, filling my lungs; works of their doing, I am certain. With a heavy heart I cast away my life in sin, just now severing my femoral artery. Though I may not be free, I will never suffer their torture.
J x
#mentalhealth
Things have been rough lately, and I’m truly starting to struggle with dealing with them. So I'm writing this diary in a bid to rationalise or even understand what’s happening. I don’t trust anyone recently, I feel detached from everyone. Mainly due to the presumption they have ill intentions for me. Sometimes it’s almost like I can hear them, but maybe that’s just my nerves getting the best of me. I’m constantly on edge, jumping when my eyes play tricks on me. I can’t believe I’m so scared of my own shadow. I doubt this judgement, just in passing.
I’m not entirely sure what to write, so I'll try again tomorrow.
J x
February 2nd 2017
I didn’t sleep last night. Not that it shocked me, I keep hearing people whispering amongst themselves behind my door – I live alone. Further to that, I check almost quarter-hourly, opening the door to empty space and increasing the volume of my fear. I stayed in today because I didn’t need to see anyone or buy anything, so that was a bonus. I’ve mainly been reading the news via a proxy on my phone, listening to some shit on the radio just to spare me from the silence. It was also kinda funny, because I kept hearing my name so instinctively I replied, forgetting about the radio. Was weird at first but I guess it happens.
Gonna try sleep now.
J x
February 3rd 2017
Another sleepless night, it’s unbearable. My eyes are heavy and dry, my entire body aches regardless if I rest or move. My bed was shaking all night, I could hear the usual talking outside but there was growling too. Is somebody keeping me hostage? I had a scout around my cupboards so I'm good for a week or so. Hopefully they’ll go after a while and I can escape, but for now I’m gonna play their game. I found a strip of Clonazepam so I’ve taken a couple to knock me to sleep for a few hours. My doors barricaded – I feel safe.
J x
06/09/1987
I don’t know how long I slept for, I think 2 days because the milks sour. My laptops date claims it to be 06/09/1987, I don’t believe time travel is possible so I can rule that out. A few people I knew have messaged me asking if I'm okay since they haven’t heard anything. I haven’t responded, I know it’s not them. My captors must have assumed control of their phones in an attempt to lure me out. Do they think I'm stupid? I'm smarter than they will ever be. Still, I beg to escape sooner rather than later.
J x
???????
I’m not sure how long it’s been since I wrote, I’ve been taking whatever tablets I had left to uphold a elongated slumber. They’re now banging at the door at random intervals, during which I hide and remain silent if I should wake. As a result of my sleeping habit, I have preserved plenty of nourishment but I have a growing concern that they’re gonna invade the quarters soon due to impatience. I’ve moved everything essential in the bathroom, including things to defend myself when the time comes. I need to stay vigilant, so I’m not sure when, or if I will write again.
J x
I think it has been several months since I wrote, and this will be my final time. My food ran dry a long time ago, my limbs close to impossible to lift... My captors show no signs of retreat, so my options have narrowed to but one. I see them inside my flat, on the walls, doors and floors. I see them looking through the drainpipe, a sulphuric stare – not a single blink. There's fluorescent gasses filling the room, filling my lungs; works of their doing, I am certain. With a heavy heart I cast away my life in sin, just now severing my femoral artery. Though I may not be free, I will never suffer their torture.
J x
#mentalhealth
