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My Name is Esme

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    I do not trust a lot of people with my feelings because it always comes back and slaps me dead in the face. Inevitably, I regret ever giving my heart to someone who would have no idea what to do with it. I find myself desiring death to pay me visits just to see how it feels to leave this cruel world. I cannot help it. This is how I feel. People would ask me to be honest, and whenever I do, I'm selfish, uncaring, heartless, difficult to deal with, and the list goes on. So I have eight shells. Mentally, these are stronger than brick walls, concrete, and even metal. I do not allow anyone in because I already know what happens. If I give someone a key to my heart, they'll throw in a pit of fire and watch it melt while they laugh at my sea of tears. No one will ever get past these shells no matter how much I love them. I've been fooled many times, and I can only take so much. Not saying that it will happen again, but if so, I truly believe that the universe will finally break me. For good.
Imagine my body curled into a ball surrounded by eight circles. The smallest and most contained circle is the tightest. I do not have room to breathe or even move, but for me, it is fine. It's perfect. I'm in my comfort zone, and I wouldn't dare step out of it for a single person. From there on, the size increases until you have the eighth shell which is also known as the biggest yet the strongest to break. It is almost like I have eight invisible force shields, and it's very spacious and isolated me...