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Bubble
(short story)
© osello
___
The shape of me was confined into what he looked at me as.
I was pretty, confident, kind and smart.
but I was so much more.
I may be pretty but my eyes are a constant reminder of my father, so I never look at my reflection. I'm confident because if I'm not I spiral into my insecurities. I am kind because I know what it feels like to feel worthless, useless. I am smart because I strive to give my future family a better life than my own.
but there's more than that. I'm also a painter, but I could never let him know that... he would think little of me.
I love children, but I keep that to myself around him.
I have a worn down heart that still shines love and he can't see it.
I am a few words with stories of explanations that he has never heard.
"Come sit," Avery motions to the spot next to him. He is surrounded by his usual group of friends. I am sure most of their names start with either a J or an A so it makes it hard to remember who is who.
I sit down next to Avery and he immediately grabs the inside of my thigh and pulls me closer, resting his hand there. I do like when he does this, but not in public.
I feel my cheeks turn hot and I take a sip of my water to hide it.
"What? No lunch?" Avery asks, eying the water.
"No, I am meeting a friend after school for lunch." I explain. I wanted him to ask what friend, where we were going and why. I wanted to tell him I was seeing my older sister for the first time since she dropped out and moved to Vegas. I wanted to tell him how we planned on going to our favorite gumbo restaurant that our grandfather always took us too. I wanted to tell him how nervous and excited I was.
But, like always, he didn't want the explanation.
"K," he said and turned to talk to one of the buff boys next to him, leaving me to sit lonely next to him in a crowd of jocks.
I've never been the type to have much friends, people always thought I was either intimidating or a stuck up snob. My whole life was centered around my boyfriend but he didn't even care about knowing my life as it is...or was.
Having him is comfort to me though, so that's why I don't leave.
He gives me the affection I need.
My dad left when I was 12, I hate him for it. Two years later my sister dropped out of her senior year in high-school and left with some mid 20's boy to live in Las Vegas. My mom is never really home, she has 3 jobs to try to maintain our bills. She honestly is a sweet person, I can't hate her but I never see her.
Although my mother is working to pay bills, I know she works to keep her mind busy as well. The pain and torture not only from her husband bailing and her eldest daughter leaving, but from her 4 miscarriages after having me. She is quite religious and I know she believes those souls of the unborn kids are out there somewhere.
I never told Avery any of this. I'm sure if I did he wouldn't care or would dismiss the conversation and start making out with me.
As far as Avery knows, I live a happy life as a single child with my two happily married parents
And so here I am and here I will be for who knows how long, here in my bubble of Avery's image of me.
© osello
___
The shape of me was confined into what he looked at me as.
I was pretty, confident, kind and smart.
but I was so much more.
I may be pretty but my eyes are a constant reminder of my father, so I never look at my reflection. I'm confident because if I'm not I spiral into my insecurities. I am kind because I know what it feels like to feel worthless, useless. I am smart because I strive to give my future family a better life than my own.
but there's more than that. I'm also a painter, but I could never let him know that... he would think little of me.
I love children, but I keep that to myself around him.
I have a worn down heart that still shines love and he can't see it.
I am a few words with stories of explanations that he has never heard.
"Come sit," Avery motions to the spot next to him. He is surrounded by his usual group of friends. I am sure most of their names start with either a J or an A so it makes it hard to remember who is who.
I sit down next to Avery and he immediately grabs the inside of my thigh and pulls me closer, resting his hand there. I do like when he does this, but not in public.
I feel my cheeks turn hot and I take a sip of my water to hide it.
"What? No lunch?" Avery asks, eying the water.
"No, I am meeting a friend after school for lunch." I explain. I wanted him to ask what friend, where we were going and why. I wanted to tell him I was seeing my older sister for the first time since she dropped out and moved to Vegas. I wanted to tell him how we planned on going to our favorite gumbo restaurant that our grandfather always took us too. I wanted to tell him how nervous and excited I was.
But, like always, he didn't want the explanation.
"K," he said and turned to talk to one of the buff boys next to him, leaving me to sit lonely next to him in a crowd of jocks.
I've never been the type to have much friends, people always thought I was either intimidating or a stuck up snob. My whole life was centered around my boyfriend but he didn't even care about knowing my life as it is...or was.
Having him is comfort to me though, so that's why I don't leave.
He gives me the affection I need.
My dad left when I was 12, I hate him for it. Two years later my sister dropped out of her senior year in high-school and left with some mid 20's boy to live in Las Vegas. My mom is never really home, she has 3 jobs to try to maintain our bills. She honestly is a sweet person, I can't hate her but I never see her.
Although my mother is working to pay bills, I know she works to keep her mind busy as well. The pain and torture not only from her husband bailing and her eldest daughter leaving, but from her 4 miscarriages after having me. She is quite religious and I know she believes those souls of the unborn kids are out there somewhere.
I never told Avery any of this. I'm sure if I did he wouldn't care or would dismiss the conversation and start making out with me.
As far as Avery knows, I live a happy life as a single child with my two happily married parents
And so here I am and here I will be for who knows how long, here in my bubble of Avery's image of me.
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