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ABOUT MY MIND
ABOUT MY MIND.
When I was quite young, I used to faint off a lot. In fact, my grandma tells people that I have friends, unseen friends. It's translated straight as Association (Ęgbę) in the Yoruba language.
Back then, I could just go to take a pee, and things will slowly get dark,and I will fall down ,and that's it.
Somehow, I will end up in the hospital.
Because I believed my grandma, I hated the dark, I was wary of being in a place alone when the power goes off, and I could start screaming, literally.
I used to see things, actually see things, feel movements through the dark, or I thought I did. I conjured up life happenings, real things through my head, and it'sthere somehow happening.
I will start and finish tasks in my mind without moving a muscle.
In my head, I sometimes feel like the flash, no caps. I am being as real as possible now. So, when the movie series 'The Flash' came out, I watched it with rapt attention, along with my boys without voicing to a soul what goes on in my head.
When I do get up to do the same tasks, it becomes like I am moving in super fast forwards motions and then ultra slow motion all at once, all of it because I am trying to slow my self down to make normal motions.
My mind works like this too, its almost like, when a person that is tipsy, tries to convince everyone that they are fine, so they take pain to extra steady themselves just to appear like nothing is amiss.
When I had the bike accident and broke my skull, I panicked more that the feelings would get worse.
So when I write sometimes, I have to carefully read it several times because some of it was written in my mind already in super fast forward mode.
I hate travelling locally. I am canserian, and we hate to have to change our environment. I can be at home for several months if I don't need to go to work. We are home buddies. Well, I can phsyke myself up for international travels.
So, the time I feel it most, that I am making or achieving things in super fast forward motion,is when I need to pack my luggage for local travels. Everything moves in super fast forwards.
It seems, actually, it feels as if I am running all over my room like the Flash! Yet I am making ultra slow movements in one spot.
The times I have been placed on anaesthetics, hiyaaaa, full life finally happened for me, sebi, I was meant to drift off quickly, right? into a state deeper than sleep.
Instead, my own brain wakes up and takes me to party, club, church, forest, the mountains, the ocean's, the sea and we will climb and fall from the mountains countless times and we kept climbing again as if we cannot learn our lessons, when I say we, I mean we ooo, there are kind of many of us coming out of the layers and layers of onions of rainbow like whirlwind and swirling colours or round and round and round and then we fell very low and lower into the soil and into the caves and in to the sky and close to the moon and then back in to the clouds and then we went in search of the mountains again becuase we seem to like the mountains so much and each time there was always a loud noise that's goes ppasss! In my head and we will start all over again from the beginning till I come back through.
The few times I have gotten drunk, hmmmm, It was In my own home,, so that all the disgrace and unruly behaviours can be by myself to myself. At first, I was floating and then flying, and then I remember lying down on the couch and sinking further down down down into the couch as if I was being buried in it. I felt I was dying, and I couldn't stop it, I started praying to God in my mind. I said God, if I don't die today, I will never drink again. I will then wake up with a monster headache that will require water and more water to cure it.
About my mind, and the doing thing in the fast forward motions, I used to wonder if anyone could relate with me and make me feel like I am fairly normal. Do i need a therapist?
Please comment below and let me know that which you have experienced and that which you battle all alone.
©Ibadi'aran Omo Akinde
#motions
#thosethings
#innerworries
#lifenworries
#flashingmovements
#thethem
#anaesthetics
#drunkandrunkingstate
©All Rights Reserved
When I was quite young, I used to faint off a lot. In fact, my grandma tells people that I have friends, unseen friends. It's translated straight as Association (Ęgbę) in the Yoruba language.
Back then, I could just go to take a pee, and things will slowly get dark,and I will fall down ,and that's it.
Somehow, I will end up in the hospital.
Because I believed my grandma, I hated the dark, I was wary of being in a place alone when the power goes off, and I could start screaming, literally.
I used to see things, actually see things, feel movements through the dark, or I thought I did. I conjured up life happenings, real things through my head, and it'sthere somehow happening.
I will start and finish tasks in my mind without moving a muscle.
In my head, I sometimes feel like the flash, no caps. I am being as real as possible now. So, when the movie series 'The Flash' came out, I watched it with rapt attention, along with my boys without voicing to a soul what goes on in my head.
When I do get up to do the same tasks, it becomes like I am moving in super fast forwards motions and then ultra slow motion all at once, all of it because I am trying to slow my self down to make normal motions.
My mind works like this too, its almost like, when a person that is tipsy, tries to convince everyone that they are fine, so they take pain to extra steady themselves just to appear like nothing is amiss.
When I had the bike accident and broke my skull, I panicked more that the feelings would get worse.
So when I write sometimes, I have to carefully read it several times because some of it was written in my mind already in super fast forward mode.
I hate travelling locally. I am canserian, and we hate to have to change our environment. I can be at home for several months if I don't need to go to work. We are home buddies. Well, I can phsyke myself up for international travels.
So, the time I feel it most, that I am making or achieving things in super fast forward motion,is when I need to pack my luggage for local travels. Everything moves in super fast forwards.
It seems, actually, it feels as if I am running all over my room like the Flash! Yet I am making ultra slow movements in one spot.
The times I have been placed on anaesthetics, hiyaaaa, full life finally happened for me, sebi, I was meant to drift off quickly, right? into a state deeper than sleep.
Instead, my own brain wakes up and takes me to party, club, church, forest, the mountains, the ocean's, the sea and we will climb and fall from the mountains countless times and we kept climbing again as if we cannot learn our lessons, when I say we, I mean we ooo, there are kind of many of us coming out of the layers and layers of onions of rainbow like whirlwind and swirling colours or round and round and round and then we fell very low and lower into the soil and into the caves and in to the sky and close to the moon and then back in to the clouds and then we went in search of the mountains again becuase we seem to like the mountains so much and each time there was always a loud noise that's goes ppasss! In my head and we will start all over again from the beginning till I come back through.
The few times I have gotten drunk, hmmmm, It was In my own home,, so that all the disgrace and unruly behaviours can be by myself to myself. At first, I was floating and then flying, and then I remember lying down on the couch and sinking further down down down into the couch as if I was being buried in it. I felt I was dying, and I couldn't stop it, I started praying to God in my mind. I said God, if I don't die today, I will never drink again. I will then wake up with a monster headache that will require water and more water to cure it.
About my mind, and the doing thing in the fast forward motions, I used to wonder if anyone could relate with me and make me feel like I am fairly normal. Do i need a therapist?
Please comment below and let me know that which you have experienced and that which you battle all alone.
©Ibadi'aran Omo Akinde
#motions
#thosethings
#innerworries
#lifenworries
#flashingmovements
#thethem
#anaesthetics
#drunkandrunkingstate
©All Rights Reserved
