A place in my mind,
A certain scent in the air,
Photographs of trips we took to places,
The feeling of a rainy afternoon,
Of our skin touching and generating heat when the heat was already unbearable.
Of waking up and knowing it was safe to go back to sleep.
Of the ecstasy that accompanied making up after a fight.
Meals by candlelight,
holding hands and feeling grand,
Dressed to the nines like we owned the world.
Feeling happy,
feeling loved,
feeling safe.

But also…

Night's that you never knew I cried myself to sleep.
The bitterness I swallowed when you would casually betray me.
The anger at your complete unawareness.
Sometimes even the way you would breathe made me want to stab you in the face.
And the guilt right after the thought would make me feel trapped.
Grasping at straws when I knew you couldn't hear me.
Giving up and deciding it better you never knew
Growing distant while you didn't noticed,
Giving up on life and feeling hopeless


The heaven and hell of our dance,
I had to give up on you to give myself a chance.
It's not that it meant nothing.
There was a time you were my everything.
And it ate me alive.
But what hurt the most,
is that you didn't mind,
that a skeleton was the one loving you.


© Leila Rose