For as long as I can remember I have been surrounded by those who have happiness and joy pouring from them in great waves. I hated it all, I hated them, because they possessed something I didn't have something which made them more human than myself. Wondering if they would wake up from nightmares on the cold floor after hours of drinking in a desperate attempt to get a moments peace from the demons within and without. If they felt the same deep seething I felt for myself whenever God never gave me the mercy of quiet death...