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CHOICE
“But why? Why do you want to do this now? Everything was going well right” I knew she was not going to change her decision. But I was trying to find an escape from reality.
“This won’t work out. My family won’t agree to this marriage. You don’t have the characteristics that my dad looks in a person”
“But we have talked about this, right? Then why did you agree to a relationship in the first place? Do I look like a fool to you?” I was trying to control my nerves, But somewhere it was breaking the chains.
Her eyes were full, Face started looking like a withered flower.
“But now… I can’t take this anymore!” For a moment, I felt like someone kept a stone over my heart.
Tears were flowing out of her eyes. My eyes always had something to do with her eyes.It started keeping drops of tears like there’s some connection between our eyes.
“Ok… If that’s what you want, We’ll end this.” I couldn't see her like that. Heart was draining in pain.
“We’ll be friends forever, don’t ignore me please!”
I just looked at her face, and walked away. She was not my first love. But we were best friends before we fell in love. I thought everything will be different now. I never wanted a relationship after my first love. It’s true…losing your first love hurts a lot. But I had some faith left in love after the first breakup. That’s the reason I fell in love with Rupa. She…,is such an artwork of emotions. She was my best friend.and someone who was beside me for a long time. Our friendship turned into love one day suddenly, from nowhere. Within a few days, we were mad in love. All the attachment I had towards her when she was my friend, turned into love maybe. But I guess I lost her when I went to study somewhere far away from our hometown.She was too afraid of losing me. Sometimes I felt sad about it. Many days I saw her struggling with the long distance.
I felt something was wrong when she said she’s coming to meet me. I found some cracks in that conversation. We were not spending a lot of time together even online in the last few weeks.But I didn’t expect that this was going to be the climax of our love story.
When I came out of the cafe and started walking through the streets, I felt so weak. Even the sound of the wind felt like a somber song. All those memories with her were running inside my head like a slideshow. The more I thought about her, I felt like someone is knitting on my heart.I sat on a bench in the road. It was hard to breathe. I started trying to figure out some reasons to make sense of it.
Maybe she’s right! What will happen to both of us, if we can't get married in future. She already used to say that she can’t marry me if her parents didn’t allow it. I was facing a lot of tension seeing her being like that. Rather than living in fear everyday, it’s better to let her live. If I love her so much, leaving her may be the best thing I can do for her.
Thoughts were raining in my head. But all of them just made it more heavy. That evening, I just wanted to disappear…
…
Days passed… I slowly tried to move on from her. But she wanted a friend. I tried ignoring, acting differently. But whenever she became sad. It was like I'm losing the ability to ignore her.
Even though we were in different places, I felt her presence everyday. Maybe I had hope that she would come back one day. I didn’t think of another relationship.I found out that she was focusing a lot in career. Maybe to forget the past. But it made me stay at a distance from her.
A year passed. I completed my studies and came home. I had secured a job and I got information that I should join the company next month. I wanted to speak with her this time. We never met after the breakup even though I came to my hometown a few times.
I called her and asked to meet that evening. I didn’t expect she’ll agree. But she agreed to that.
I waited at the same cafe where we used to meet. As usual she came late. Her face brought a frozen spell to my heart. She came and sat at the table. She looked so adorable. The atmosphere was different. It was not the whatsapp where i used to pretend I don’t care about her.
“Can I get another chance?” I didn’t know where it came from. But those words stayed inside for a long time.
“What are you talking about? You’re joking right”. She was smiling
“No… I got a somewhat good job. Not upto your dad’s standards. But still…I just wanted to ask. Anyhow…Don’t worry…I’m not going to compel you”
“We have gone through a lot. This is for the good. I’m not ready to suffer again”
She said that she was the only one who suffered. Maybe I hid my emotions from her. But I felt she had changed.
“Ok Ok…I don’t have any issues. I’ll get a lot of girlfriends”
“You said you were dating girls in college right. I know how many girls revolve around you”
Actually I told her that I was dating girls to make her believe that I moved on. But I was ignoring everyone till then. I remembered why I did that. I remembered that evening, the bench and that somber song.
“Yeh…I need to check my contacts once,” I laughed. But that laugh hid a lot of things.
She laughed, somehow seeing her laugh reduced the weight I had in my soul.
We ate, talked and chilled for some time.
“Kk Rohan…I’m going. It’s already late”
“Bye Rupa”
She stood up from the table and walked past me.
“Rohan…”
I heard her calling from behind. I turned back
“What happened?”
“Nothing… Bye… Take care”
That was the last drop of hope.
Even though I was sad, I was so happy that she was so happy and more mature now.
I went back home with a heavy heart, but my soul was at peace.
…
I joined the company. Two weeks passed. I was sitting in the cafeteria.
“Hi Rohan” I heard someone calling. When I turned my head, a young woman was standing beside me.
“I’m Neha. We work on the same floor. I’m in HR division”
“Oh so sorry mam, I'm so bad in keeping faces in my memory”
“Don’t call me mam,it feels like mom. I haven't even graduated yet. Came for an internship.” Her smile was beautiful.
“Oh sorry, But how do you know me?”
“I am your junior, in the same college.”
“Ohkk, I’m sorry again.” I don;t know why I didn’t remember her face from anywhere. But I felt like I know her
“Don’t worry, I was not active or famous like you in college”
“You’re too funny”
“You don’t need to act like a child now. We all know what all you did in college.“
I actually liked the fact that some junior knew about me. But I kept my cover up.
“You said HR department right? How many weeks of internship? And forgot to say… Please take a seat.If you like, we can have a coffee together.”
“Sure… I’ll be here for around 3 weeks, It’s better to make some friends here”
“kk..We became friends..That’s fast!” We both laughed.
We became somewhat close in the next few days. She was filled with hope. I started dropping her off at her home after work hours. We both belonged to the same city. She was so open minded. I started enjoying spending time with her.
It was Friday evening and we both completed our work and started the ride back home.
She was too silent that day
“Shall we eat from outside today?”
“Sure no issues, where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know that much about food, Take somewhere you like!.”
We both went to a restaurant in our city.
“Wow, atmosphere is lovely, Your girlfriend is lucky to get this dates regularly”
I was silent for a second and smiled at her.
“Why? What happened, suddenly you went low and gave an awkward smile”
“Oh nothing, this doesn’t work for me. This love thing… past is somewhat horrible”
“Any breakups?”
“Yeh…Twice…”
“So that’s the reason for that awkward smile. But don’t worry. Love will happen multiple times.”
“I don’t have faith anymore”
“Well, shall we try then?”
I had a feeling that something weird was happening. But I didn't expect this.
“You’re not thinking what I’m thinking right?”
“I just wanted to say, I used to hear a lot about you in college. I like you, I don’t know much about relationships. But I want to…”
“Means? Just a normal relationship or serious one”
“What is normal and serious in a relationship ? I want to be with you…I think I can manage you, You’re not that much trouble as you think you are”
I was successful in ignoring these situations easily. But she was so sure about me. Like she believes in me.Like she knows about me. Maybe I was tired of keeping love at bay. But I wasn’t so sure about myself.
“I really like you… But I am not ready to get ditched again.”
“I won’t …Not by myself for sure. I don’t want to give fake promises. But I think we’ll do great”
I was not ready to lower my guard.But her trust on me had a pretty good impact on my mind.
“Let’s be friends for now! We’ll decide later. Is that fine?” I don’t know why I said that. But I guess it filled her with hope.
"Sure… take your time. My internship will be over next week. Maybe we can't meet everyday after that. But I'm ready to wait for you"
It filled my heart with joy and fear. Joy because seeing someone ready to make a commitment with me. Fear since I have heard that before.
Things wrapped up pretty quickly.
Somehow that whole night seemed like a month. I was lying in bed smiling without a reason. Suddenly my phone rang. It was Rupa… I couldn’t understand why my heart rate changed suddenly.
“Hi Rohan, You said you’ll call me at night in chat and forget or what?”
“Oh…really sorry buddy. Some work issues”
“Be always busy…”
“Something happened at work today…”
“What’s that? You seem happy…”
“I think I got my new GF.”
“Wow…Is she the one you told me about… Junior?”
“Yeh…But how do you know?”
“I’ll know. She proposed? What did you say?”
“Are you keeping any spy on me or what? I said to wait.”
“Ok… See i said right, you’ll get a GF easily”
“But… I don’t know…I’ll think about it”
“Ha..Don’t jump suddenly. Think well and decide!”
“Ok madam”
“Good… Ok then…I’ll sleep…good night rohan… “
“Good night”
Somehow my heart beats settled down. There was that feeling.The same feeling when you’re in love. I started blushing staring into the ceiling.
…
The next day was so exciting. Everything will start to feel so different when you’re in love. Even small small things will start to make you happy.
I went to the office with a lot of excitement.But all excitement suddenly vanished when I got to know that she's on leave today.
I called her and got to know that her mom was having a health checkup, So she took leave. We rarely message or call through the phone. Somehow keeping the conversation and friendship only when we meet seemed different and exhilarating.
She mentioned on the phone that she was checking whether I'll call and enquire.
I completed my work and decided to meet her and ask about her mom on the way home. Maybe I was trying to impress her a bit.
I reached her home. She was standing near some flowers which were planted near her home.
She saw me when I got off the bike and came near me.
“That’s unexpected…”
“Why? I can’t visit you or what?”
“Not like that… “
“How’s your mom?”
“She’s fine. Just regular health check up”
“Ohkk…I just came to ask about her.”
“So, you didn’t come to see me?”
I smiled at her
“Ok then.I’ll get going”
“That was fast. You want to join us for dinner?”
“No…But one day!”
Her face went somewhat gloomy
“Not like that, I thought about eating from outside today.If you want to join. Come!”
“Seriously?”
“Yeh ofcourse!”
She seemed so excited.
“Wait…I’ll tell mom and come.”
I was so happy to see how open minded her whole family is. Usually the family issue will be the main villain in my love stories.
We decided to go to the same restaurant we went to yesterday. Sun already gave up trying to light up everyone’s lives for the day.
“It’s too cold right?” Neha was trying to make a conversation. Because of traffic and helmet, her voice was so feeble when it reached my ears.
“You can hold me, if it’s so cold.” That response was so quick. I don’t know why I acted like an idiot then. I should not say that to a girl right? What was I thinking?
Neha was silent. I wanted to tell her that I was joking. But something made me stop.
There was a pause…
Suddenly I felt her hands moving through my waist. She came closer and kept her head on my back. The moment was so beautiful. My body sent a shiver right into my brain. She was hugging me tightly. The cold night turned so romantic in no time. She was so silent. I could feel her heartbeat closely.
She was silent all along the journey. Those 10 minutes felt like a century.
We reached the restaurant. She was still silent until we reached the table.
“ What happened? You seem silent?”
“Everything is going so fast. I just got lost in the moment for a while. You said to wait but you are so romantic suddenly. I didn’t even know that you were this romantic!”
“Did you expect me to act like a matured grandpa or what?
She smiled… It hit differently this time.
There was a lot of tension in the air. I decided to cool it down.
“Do you really believe you can manage this weirdo?”
“I should say that..Not you”
The whole evening was turning out to be romantic. When we walked out of the restaurant, I didn’t even realise that we were holding hands till we reached the bike.It was already late. I drove her home.
Her eyes were filled with happiness when she got off the bike.
“ So are we in a relationship now? “
“ I really want this to be forever.But wait for at least a month. Try to know more about me. I don’t want another breakup”
“ I know I should wait a lot. But I want to…and i’ll”
I was really falling in love with her.
It was really hard to say goodbye
After a lot of months, I was feeling the joy of being in love.
I came home and jumped into the bed after a shower. I was confused whether to ping her on whatsapp.
Suddenly my phone rang…
I was excited to get the call. I was sure that it’s Neha.I took the phone to answer it. It was from Rupa.
“Hii… What are you doing? No reply to my messages? “
“I had a busy day.”
“See I don’t care about you and your crush. But I should be your first priority. Friends first.”
“I think she’s more than a crush now”
“What?”
“I’ve decided to make a commitment”
“You told her?”
“Yeh… Not exactly. But she can understand. We had a romantic night tonight”
“That’s interesting. More details please…”
I was so happy that she’s pretty happy about it
I explained to her about our small date.
“She’s really lucky…Don’t forget me after you get a girlfriend”
“HaHa..I’ll try”
“Ok Rohan…Mom is calling to eat. I need to go. Good night”
“Good night”
I was happy that she didn't care. But somewhere the fact that people can change was draining my hope in love. But Neha’s face popped up always.Like a symbol of hope. I kept my earphones and started playing a romantic playlist. Around 2 hours passed
I was falling asleep slowly. Suddenly my phone rang…It was Rupa. It was near midnight. Phone just rang twice. She cutted the call. I felt pretty weird and called her back.
“Rohan… I can’t take this. I’m feeling dead inside.”
“What? What happened ? Are you crying?”
“I know it’s late. But I still love you. I am not able to face the fact that I lost you”
“What?Is this a prank or what? I told you about this even yesterday!”
“I’m sorry…But I thought you won’t make a commitment”
“Why shouldn't I?”
“I don’t know… I never stopped loving you. I was afraid of losing you.That’s why I couldn’t say anything”
“You can’t do this to me. Then why do you feel everything will work out now?”
“I will come with you. Even if my family is against it. But I can’t live without you”
“No … I can’t do this. I love someone else now”
“Rohan…Please… I don;’t know what to do. It just feels like my life is over if I lose you. You love me… She just came yesterday”
“Shut up…Where were you till now? It’s over Rupa. There’s nothing I can do, Move on”
I could hear her weeping through my ear. All of my nerves were breaking their boundaries.
“I can’t even breathe…I tried making my mind calm. But I can’t face the reality. Please understand. Just think about us.”
“Sorry Rupa… Bye”
I hung up the call.
I was in a state of trauma.I have never seen her like that. I was losing my mind. I even had doubts whether she’ll do something stupid. I called her back…
“Are you ok?”
“No”
“Don’t be sad. Everything will be alright tomorrow.Love can happen multiple times”
“Rohan…I’ve never loved someone else. You know how much I loved you.”
“I should also feel it right”
There was a deep silence in other end
“I know I didn’t express it. But I never thought you’ll fell in love with anyone else”
“You’re blaming me for this?”
“Please Rohan… She came yesterday… I never stopped loving you”
“It’s not whether she came yesterday or a year back.She earned my love.”
“Once ..I earned too. I can’t live without you…Try to understand my situation. I’ve been crying for the last two hours. I don’t know how I can survive this night”
I was devastated seeing her like that.
“You know I can’t see you like this right. If I decide to stay…I’ll get the doubt whether it was for just sympathy.I can’t be happy with you”
“We were in love once. Madly in love. I know how much you love me. We’ll be fine. Please don’t make me into a walking corpse for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t know what to say to you… Give me some time… I’ll let you know my decision tomorrow.” I don’t know why I said that. Maybe I still loved her. I couldn’t understand what’s happening to me. Did I just fall for her tears? maybe…But I knew how much I cared about her. How much I loved her. I would have done anything for her. But…
“Ok Rohan. Try to remember all the memories we had together. You’ll find more than one romantic night.”
I cutted the call and came out to the street.
Both the girl’s faces were streaming in my head. I was really confused. Tomorrow I should make a choice. A choice in which one person will end up hurt, broken. But who? I felt I was losing my consciousness. Like someone is piercing through the brain. I saw a bench nearby. Went and sat on it.
I couldn’t decide what to do. Will I be happy after tomorrow? Till that moment in my life, I used to sacrifice my happiness over others whenever I had a choice to make. But now I don’t have a choice like that. One person will end up hurt.Moreover…It was not about love anymore. It was all about a choice.
It was so cold…I curled myself into a cocoon on that bench. Maybe I wanted to freeze myself that day. So that I can’t feel anything. I craved silence inside my head.Hands were shivering. I had an arrogance in making correct choices. But tomorrow I don’t have any…
I heard the somber song again. This time…It was not for my broken heart. But it played for my broken soul. The moon witnessed the funeral of a broken soul.
-----------------------------------
“No one deserves to be a choice in love. It’s true that we can’t read someone’s mind. But don’t expect love to be something eternal.Tell people whether you love them. Or else you’ll regret later.Don’t give hope to someone even if there’s a slight drop of confusion in your heart. It’s hard to forgive yourself for making a choice like this.People don’t deserve to be sad. Sometimes it’s hard to make everyone happy. Making yourself happy is the hardest part.
Don’t wait till it’s too late. Because love will happen multiple times. There will be choices. Be with someone whom you will choose over and over again. Giving hope to someone and plucking it overnight is the cruelest thing you can do to someone. Time will heal everything. But not to create these moments.
You can’t change the past. Maybe you can’t predict the future.But remember… This is life. A brutal reality which collapses all the theories written anywhere in this world.”
© Vibin Dave
“This won’t work out. My family won’t agree to this marriage. You don’t have the characteristics that my dad looks in a person”
“But we have talked about this, right? Then why did you agree to a relationship in the first place? Do I look like a fool to you?” I was trying to control my nerves, But somewhere it was breaking the chains.
Her eyes were full, Face started looking like a withered flower.
“But now… I can’t take this anymore!” For a moment, I felt like someone kept a stone over my heart.
Tears were flowing out of her eyes. My eyes always had something to do with her eyes.It started keeping drops of tears like there’s some connection between our eyes.
“Ok… If that’s what you want, We’ll end this.” I couldn't see her like that. Heart was draining in pain.
“We’ll be friends forever, don’t ignore me please!”
I just looked at her face, and walked away. She was not my first love. But we were best friends before we fell in love. I thought everything will be different now. I never wanted a relationship after my first love. It’s true…losing your first love hurts a lot. But I had some faith left in love after the first breakup. That’s the reason I fell in love with Rupa. She…,is such an artwork of emotions. She was my best friend.and someone who was beside me for a long time. Our friendship turned into love one day suddenly, from nowhere. Within a few days, we were mad in love. All the attachment I had towards her when she was my friend, turned into love maybe. But I guess I lost her when I went to study somewhere far away from our hometown.She was too afraid of losing me. Sometimes I felt sad about it. Many days I saw her struggling with the long distance.
I felt something was wrong when she said she’s coming to meet me. I found some cracks in that conversation. We were not spending a lot of time together even online in the last few weeks.But I didn’t expect that this was going to be the climax of our love story.
When I came out of the cafe and started walking through the streets, I felt so weak. Even the sound of the wind felt like a somber song. All those memories with her were running inside my head like a slideshow. The more I thought about her, I felt like someone is knitting on my heart.I sat on a bench in the road. It was hard to breathe. I started trying to figure out some reasons to make sense of it.
Maybe she’s right! What will happen to both of us, if we can't get married in future. She already used to say that she can’t marry me if her parents didn’t allow it. I was facing a lot of tension seeing her being like that. Rather than living in fear everyday, it’s better to let her live. If I love her so much, leaving her may be the best thing I can do for her.
Thoughts were raining in my head. But all of them just made it more heavy. That evening, I just wanted to disappear…
…
Days passed… I slowly tried to move on from her. But she wanted a friend. I tried ignoring, acting differently. But whenever she became sad. It was like I'm losing the ability to ignore her.
Even though we were in different places, I felt her presence everyday. Maybe I had hope that she would come back one day. I didn’t think of another relationship.I found out that she was focusing a lot in career. Maybe to forget the past. But it made me stay at a distance from her.
A year passed. I completed my studies and came home. I had secured a job and I got information that I should join the company next month. I wanted to speak with her this time. We never met after the breakup even though I came to my hometown a few times.
I called her and asked to meet that evening. I didn’t expect she’ll agree. But she agreed to that.
I waited at the same cafe where we used to meet. As usual she came late. Her face brought a frozen spell to my heart. She came and sat at the table. She looked so adorable. The atmosphere was different. It was not the whatsapp where i used to pretend I don’t care about her.
“Can I get another chance?” I didn’t know where it came from. But those words stayed inside for a long time.
“What are you talking about? You’re joking right”. She was smiling
“No… I got a somewhat good job. Not upto your dad’s standards. But still…I just wanted to ask. Anyhow…Don’t worry…I’m not going to compel you”
“We have gone through a lot. This is for the good. I’m not ready to suffer again”
She said that she was the only one who suffered. Maybe I hid my emotions from her. But I felt she had changed.
“Ok Ok…I don’t have any issues. I’ll get a lot of girlfriends”
“You said you were dating girls in college right. I know how many girls revolve around you”
Actually I told her that I was dating girls to make her believe that I moved on. But I was ignoring everyone till then. I remembered why I did that. I remembered that evening, the bench and that somber song.
“Yeh…I need to check my contacts once,” I laughed. But that laugh hid a lot of things.
She laughed, somehow seeing her laugh reduced the weight I had in my soul.
We ate, talked and chilled for some time.
“Kk Rohan…I’m going. It’s already late”
“Bye Rupa”
She stood up from the table and walked past me.
“Rohan…”
I heard her calling from behind. I turned back
“What happened?”
“Nothing… Bye… Take care”
That was the last drop of hope.
Even though I was sad, I was so happy that she was so happy and more mature now.
I went back home with a heavy heart, but my soul was at peace.
…
I joined the company. Two weeks passed. I was sitting in the cafeteria.
“Hi Rohan” I heard someone calling. When I turned my head, a young woman was standing beside me.
“I’m Neha. We work on the same floor. I’m in HR division”
“Oh so sorry mam, I'm so bad in keeping faces in my memory”
“Don’t call me mam,it feels like mom. I haven't even graduated yet. Came for an internship.” Her smile was beautiful.
“Oh sorry, But how do you know me?”
“I am your junior, in the same college.”
“Ohkk, I’m sorry again.” I don;t know why I didn’t remember her face from anywhere. But I felt like I know her
“Don’t worry, I was not active or famous like you in college”
“You’re too funny”
“You don’t need to act like a child now. We all know what all you did in college.“
I actually liked the fact that some junior knew about me. But I kept my cover up.
“You said HR department right? How many weeks of internship? And forgot to say… Please take a seat.If you like, we can have a coffee together.”
“Sure… I’ll be here for around 3 weeks, It’s better to make some friends here”
“kk..We became friends..That’s fast!” We both laughed.
We became somewhat close in the next few days. She was filled with hope. I started dropping her off at her home after work hours. We both belonged to the same city. She was so open minded. I started enjoying spending time with her.
It was Friday evening and we both completed our work and started the ride back home.
She was too silent that day
“Shall we eat from outside today?”
“Sure no issues, where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know that much about food, Take somewhere you like!.”
We both went to a restaurant in our city.
“Wow, atmosphere is lovely, Your girlfriend is lucky to get this dates regularly”
I was silent for a second and smiled at her.
“Why? What happened, suddenly you went low and gave an awkward smile”
“Oh nothing, this doesn’t work for me. This love thing… past is somewhat horrible”
“Any breakups?”
“Yeh…Twice…”
“So that’s the reason for that awkward smile. But don’t worry. Love will happen multiple times.”
“I don’t have faith anymore”
“Well, shall we try then?”
I had a feeling that something weird was happening. But I didn't expect this.
“You’re not thinking what I’m thinking right?”
“I just wanted to say, I used to hear a lot about you in college. I like you, I don’t know much about relationships. But I want to…”
“Means? Just a normal relationship or serious one”
“What is normal and serious in a relationship ? I want to be with you…I think I can manage you, You’re not that much trouble as you think you are”
I was successful in ignoring these situations easily. But she was so sure about me. Like she believes in me.Like she knows about me. Maybe I was tired of keeping love at bay. But I wasn’t so sure about myself.
“I really like you… But I am not ready to get ditched again.”
“I won’t …Not by myself for sure. I don’t want to give fake promises. But I think we’ll do great”
I was not ready to lower my guard.But her trust on me had a pretty good impact on my mind.
“Let’s be friends for now! We’ll decide later. Is that fine?” I don’t know why I said that. But I guess it filled her with hope.
"Sure… take your time. My internship will be over next week. Maybe we can't meet everyday after that. But I'm ready to wait for you"
It filled my heart with joy and fear. Joy because seeing someone ready to make a commitment with me. Fear since I have heard that before.
Things wrapped up pretty quickly.
Somehow that whole night seemed like a month. I was lying in bed smiling without a reason. Suddenly my phone rang. It was Rupa… I couldn’t understand why my heart rate changed suddenly.
“Hi Rohan, You said you’ll call me at night in chat and forget or what?”
“Oh…really sorry buddy. Some work issues”
“Be always busy…”
“Something happened at work today…”
“What’s that? You seem happy…”
“I think I got my new GF.”
“Wow…Is she the one you told me about… Junior?”
“Yeh…But how do you know?”
“I’ll know. She proposed? What did you say?”
“Are you keeping any spy on me or what? I said to wait.”
“Ok… See i said right, you’ll get a GF easily”
“But… I don’t know…I’ll think about it”
“Ha..Don’t jump suddenly. Think well and decide!”
“Ok madam”
“Good… Ok then…I’ll sleep…good night rohan… “
“Good night”
Somehow my heart beats settled down. There was that feeling.The same feeling when you’re in love. I started blushing staring into the ceiling.
…
The next day was so exciting. Everything will start to feel so different when you’re in love. Even small small things will start to make you happy.
I went to the office with a lot of excitement.But all excitement suddenly vanished when I got to know that she's on leave today.
I called her and got to know that her mom was having a health checkup, So she took leave. We rarely message or call through the phone. Somehow keeping the conversation and friendship only when we meet seemed different and exhilarating.
She mentioned on the phone that she was checking whether I'll call and enquire.
I completed my work and decided to meet her and ask about her mom on the way home. Maybe I was trying to impress her a bit.
I reached her home. She was standing near some flowers which were planted near her home.
She saw me when I got off the bike and came near me.
“That’s unexpected…”
“Why? I can’t visit you or what?”
“Not like that… “
“How’s your mom?”
“She’s fine. Just regular health check up”
“Ohkk…I just came to ask about her.”
“So, you didn’t come to see me?”
I smiled at her
“Ok then.I’ll get going”
“That was fast. You want to join us for dinner?”
“No…But one day!”
Her face went somewhat gloomy
“Not like that, I thought about eating from outside today.If you want to join. Come!”
“Seriously?”
“Yeh ofcourse!”
She seemed so excited.
“Wait…I’ll tell mom and come.”
I was so happy to see how open minded her whole family is. Usually the family issue will be the main villain in my love stories.
We decided to go to the same restaurant we went to yesterday. Sun already gave up trying to light up everyone’s lives for the day.
“It’s too cold right?” Neha was trying to make a conversation. Because of traffic and helmet, her voice was so feeble when it reached my ears.
“You can hold me, if it’s so cold.” That response was so quick. I don’t know why I acted like an idiot then. I should not say that to a girl right? What was I thinking?
Neha was silent. I wanted to tell her that I was joking. But something made me stop.
There was a pause…
Suddenly I felt her hands moving through my waist. She came closer and kept her head on my back. The moment was so beautiful. My body sent a shiver right into my brain. She was hugging me tightly. The cold night turned so romantic in no time. She was so silent. I could feel her heartbeat closely.
She was silent all along the journey. Those 10 minutes felt like a century.
We reached the restaurant. She was still silent until we reached the table.
“ What happened? You seem silent?”
“Everything is going so fast. I just got lost in the moment for a while. You said to wait but you are so romantic suddenly. I didn’t even know that you were this romantic!”
“Did you expect me to act like a matured grandpa or what?
She smiled… It hit differently this time.
There was a lot of tension in the air. I decided to cool it down.
“Do you really believe you can manage this weirdo?”
“I should say that..Not you”
The whole evening was turning out to be romantic. When we walked out of the restaurant, I didn’t even realise that we were holding hands till we reached the bike.It was already late. I drove her home.
Her eyes were filled with happiness when she got off the bike.
“ So are we in a relationship now? “
“ I really want this to be forever.But wait for at least a month. Try to know more about me. I don’t want another breakup”
“ I know I should wait a lot. But I want to…and i’ll”
I was really falling in love with her.
It was really hard to say goodbye
After a lot of months, I was feeling the joy of being in love.
I came home and jumped into the bed after a shower. I was confused whether to ping her on whatsapp.
Suddenly my phone rang…
I was excited to get the call. I was sure that it’s Neha.I took the phone to answer it. It was from Rupa.
“Hii… What are you doing? No reply to my messages? “
“I had a busy day.”
“See I don’t care about you and your crush. But I should be your first priority. Friends first.”
“I think she’s more than a crush now”
“What?”
“I’ve decided to make a commitment”
“You told her?”
“Yeh… Not exactly. But she can understand. We had a romantic night tonight”
“That’s interesting. More details please…”
I was so happy that she’s pretty happy about it
I explained to her about our small date.
“She’s really lucky…Don’t forget me after you get a girlfriend”
“HaHa..I’ll try”
“Ok Rohan…Mom is calling to eat. I need to go. Good night”
“Good night”
I was happy that she didn't care. But somewhere the fact that people can change was draining my hope in love. But Neha’s face popped up always.Like a symbol of hope. I kept my earphones and started playing a romantic playlist. Around 2 hours passed
I was falling asleep slowly. Suddenly my phone rang…It was Rupa. It was near midnight. Phone just rang twice. She cutted the call. I felt pretty weird and called her back.
“Rohan… I can’t take this. I’m feeling dead inside.”
“What? What happened ? Are you crying?”
“I know it’s late. But I still love you. I am not able to face the fact that I lost you”
“What?Is this a prank or what? I told you about this even yesterday!”
“I’m sorry…But I thought you won’t make a commitment”
“Why shouldn't I?”
“I don’t know… I never stopped loving you. I was afraid of losing you.That’s why I couldn’t say anything”
“You can’t do this to me. Then why do you feel everything will work out now?”
“I will come with you. Even if my family is against it. But I can’t live without you”
“No … I can’t do this. I love someone else now”
“Rohan…Please… I don;’t know what to do. It just feels like my life is over if I lose you. You love me… She just came yesterday”
“Shut up…Where were you till now? It’s over Rupa. There’s nothing I can do, Move on”
I could hear her weeping through my ear. All of my nerves were breaking their boundaries.
“I can’t even breathe…I tried making my mind calm. But I can’t face the reality. Please understand. Just think about us.”
“Sorry Rupa… Bye”
I hung up the call.
I was in a state of trauma.I have never seen her like that. I was losing my mind. I even had doubts whether she’ll do something stupid. I called her back…
“Are you ok?”
“No”
“Don’t be sad. Everything will be alright tomorrow.Love can happen multiple times”
“Rohan…I’ve never loved someone else. You know how much I loved you.”
“I should also feel it right”
There was a deep silence in other end
“I know I didn’t express it. But I never thought you’ll fell in love with anyone else”
“You’re blaming me for this?”
“Please Rohan… She came yesterday… I never stopped loving you”
“It’s not whether she came yesterday or a year back.She earned my love.”
“Once ..I earned too. I can’t live without you…Try to understand my situation. I’ve been crying for the last two hours. I don’t know how I can survive this night”
I was devastated seeing her like that.
“You know I can’t see you like this right. If I decide to stay…I’ll get the doubt whether it was for just sympathy.I can’t be happy with you”
“We were in love once. Madly in love. I know how much you love me. We’ll be fine. Please don’t make me into a walking corpse for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t know what to say to you… Give me some time… I’ll let you know my decision tomorrow.” I don’t know why I said that. Maybe I still loved her. I couldn’t understand what’s happening to me. Did I just fall for her tears? maybe…But I knew how much I cared about her. How much I loved her. I would have done anything for her. But…
“Ok Rohan. Try to remember all the memories we had together. You’ll find more than one romantic night.”
I cutted the call and came out to the street.
Both the girl’s faces were streaming in my head. I was really confused. Tomorrow I should make a choice. A choice in which one person will end up hurt, broken. But who? I felt I was losing my consciousness. Like someone is piercing through the brain. I saw a bench nearby. Went and sat on it.
I couldn’t decide what to do. Will I be happy after tomorrow? Till that moment in my life, I used to sacrifice my happiness over others whenever I had a choice to make. But now I don’t have a choice like that. One person will end up hurt.Moreover…It was not about love anymore. It was all about a choice.
It was so cold…I curled myself into a cocoon on that bench. Maybe I wanted to freeze myself that day. So that I can’t feel anything. I craved silence inside my head.Hands were shivering. I had an arrogance in making correct choices. But tomorrow I don’t have any…
I heard the somber song again. This time…It was not for my broken heart. But it played for my broken soul. The moon witnessed the funeral of a broken soul.
-----------------------------------
“No one deserves to be a choice in love. It’s true that we can’t read someone’s mind. But don’t expect love to be something eternal.Tell people whether you love them. Or else you’ll regret later.Don’t give hope to someone even if there’s a slight drop of confusion in your heart. It’s hard to forgive yourself for making a choice like this.People don’t deserve to be sad. Sometimes it’s hard to make everyone happy. Making yourself happy is the hardest part.
Don’t wait till it’s too late. Because love will happen multiple times. There will be choices. Be with someone whom you will choose over and over again. Giving hope to someone and plucking it overnight is the cruelest thing you can do to someone. Time will heal everything. But not to create these moments.
You can’t change the past. Maybe you can’t predict the future.But remember… This is life. A brutal reality which collapses all the theories written anywhere in this world.”
© Vibin Dave
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