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Dear Father.
Dear Father,
I wanted to explain to you in this letter how much you have destroyed me along time ago. I was only 3 dad, 3 when you took my innocence away from me! Or maybe even when I was a baby! I'll never get my innocence back, NEVER! I remember at grandma's, in her room and at my place in my bed when I was 3! That's all I can remember about you molesting me at that age! When I was 4! Well, that's different. I remember a lot more what you did to me! Molesting me more and teaching me things that I didn't need to know at that age at your place for Christmas! I'm very hurt and confused. I love and miss you, but at the same time, I hate you and glade I'm not aloud to see you ever again because it's court order! This really hurts because I can't have a father that wants to protect me from people like that. It's really hard for me to even write this without crying. I wish I could run to you when I got raped the first time and when I gotten my heart ripped out of my chest the first time like all the other girls that have a father that they can run to. I miss them normal days that you actually act like a normal father, that took us fishing, hiking, take us on your motorcycle rides, picking pine and berries just like I used to do with mom! I just can't believe that you blamed me for you to molest me! I was very young and I didn't understand anything, so you had to take advantage of me because it was so easy, because I was little and thought I wouldn't remember and you thought you could get away with it. Guess what dad! I REMEMBER! It was so hard for me to make friends because I was scared to talk and it was hard for me to make friends anyway because I have scoliosis and born with it and people made fun of me. I was scared to talk, because you told me to keep my mouth shut about what happened and that is always on my mind what you did and that I would get into trouble, not you like you said! So I kept my mouth shut! All that did to me, it made me scared to talk to anyone, I didn't want to be around certain people mostly guys or I'll try and hide from them. Now I get panic attacks. I get really close to the person that I'm with and sweat and shake like crazy around certain guys if they give off a bad vibe. I don't talk to guys in person until I realized that they are not going to hurt me and after awhile I'll start talking to them. Dad, you really fucked me up! Other than the guys that I dated, they fucked me up more too. I understand that you gotten molested, but why destroyed anyone because of it? I been molested ahold lot and raped a few times in my life. But I'm not going out there destroyed other people's lives because of it. I have 5 kids, 2 are mine and the others are my fiances kids and I accept them as my own and I'll do anything to protect them from people like you! If I could, I would protect all the children in this world! All I ever wanted, is you to be a father to me. Your only daughter that you didn't protect. Who is dieing every day and night and even in my own dreams that you could actually be a father, a real father to me! I love you, but at the same time I fucken HATE you for destroying me!
sincerely,
Your daughter, that you will never, ever see again!
P.S.
I know you won't ever read this, but some of my pain can leave in this letter.
© Charlotte B.
I wanted to explain to you in this letter how much you have destroyed me along time ago. I was only 3 dad, 3 when you took my innocence away from me! Or maybe even when I was a baby! I'll never get my innocence back, NEVER! I remember at grandma's, in her room and at my place in my bed when I was 3! That's all I can remember about you molesting me at that age! When I was 4! Well, that's different. I remember a lot more what you did to me! Molesting me more and teaching me things that I didn't need to know at that age at your place for Christmas! I'm very hurt and confused. I love and miss you, but at the same time, I hate you and glade I'm not aloud to see you ever again because it's court order! This really hurts because I can't have a father that wants to protect me from people like that. It's really hard for me to even write this without crying. I wish I could run to you when I got raped the first time and when I gotten my heart ripped out of my chest the first time like all the other girls that have a father that they can run to. I miss them normal days that you actually act like a normal father, that took us fishing, hiking, take us on your motorcycle rides, picking pine and berries just like I used to do with mom! I just can't believe that you blamed me for you to molest me! I was very young and I didn't understand anything, so you had to take advantage of me because it was so easy, because I was little and thought I wouldn't remember and you thought you could get away with it. Guess what dad! I REMEMBER! It was so hard for me to make friends because I was scared to talk and it was hard for me to make friends anyway because I have scoliosis and born with it and people made fun of me. I was scared to talk, because you told me to keep my mouth shut about what happened and that is always on my mind what you did and that I would get into trouble, not you like you said! So I kept my mouth shut! All that did to me, it made me scared to talk to anyone, I didn't want to be around certain people mostly guys or I'll try and hide from them. Now I get panic attacks. I get really close to the person that I'm with and sweat and shake like crazy around certain guys if they give off a bad vibe. I don't talk to guys in person until I realized that they are not going to hurt me and after awhile I'll start talking to them. Dad, you really fucked me up! Other than the guys that I dated, they fucked me up more too. I understand that you gotten molested, but why destroyed anyone because of it? I been molested ahold lot and raped a few times in my life. But I'm not going out there destroyed other people's lives because of it. I have 5 kids, 2 are mine and the others are my fiances kids and I accept them as my own and I'll do anything to protect them from people like you! If I could, I would protect all the children in this world! All I ever wanted, is you to be a father to me. Your only daughter that you didn't protect. Who is dieing every day and night and even in my own dreams that you could actually be a father, a real father to me! I love you, but at the same time I fucken HATE you for destroying me!
sincerely,
Your daughter, that you will never, ever see again!
P.S.
I know you won't ever read this, but some of my pain can leave in this letter.
© Charlotte B.
