Joey had loved his dog unreservedly. He'd walked it as a puppy, trained it and made best of friends with it. He named it Amore, meaning "love" in Italian, as it was a Cirneco Dell'Etna. Small and athletic these dogs are agile and clever and make great companions, as Joey found out. His dog had a shiny chestnut coat of short hair and boundless energy. Together they were invincible for five years until Joey's fifteenth birthday. On that day, exactly five years since he was gifted the little bundle of joy, Amore got run over.

Now you may think this is a tale of tragedy and heartbreak, and in some respects you'd be right. Anyone who has lost a pet will know the agony and pain missing your beloved friends will cause. But Joey was a teen now, perhaps more philosophical about these things, or maybe just faking he didn't care as much as he did. His parents sensed his change in mood, but they didn't pursue it. His friends heard what had happened so they cut him some slack, and allowed for his distancing himself. But the more he was left to get on with his own grieving, the more Joey felt annoyed. He blamed the driver, he berated himself for not being there, the Council for not imposing speed limits on the road outside his house. Sometimes we get angry when all we really feel is a deep sadness.

It is hard filling the void that another spirit has left in your life. The joy they brought you, the comfort they supplied. Sure, Joey had lots of friends and things to fill his time with, but it wasn't the same without his faithful pal. He missed the things most that he'd taken so much for granted, the funny antics and fooling around. Amore trying to sleep on his bed and not in his basket, the pleasure of hearing his little doggy dreams at night as he twitched and yipped softly chasing rabbits in some far off land. We can't plug that hole in life quite as easily as we believe, it sneaks up on us when we least expect it, especially in quiet times.

Nobody really approached him about Amore. He guessed they thought he'd just get over it, move past it and adapt. Life goes on. But it was a life he didn't relish as much and the loss started affecting him in little ways. Lack of sleep, sadness, becoming more withdrawn and listless. His parents thought he'd snap out of it and were kind, but though they pampered him they didn't talk to him of grieving. In fact, it was his nan who came to visit that made the first move to help. She'd been there for three hours and still hadn't seen her grandson. Usually he came and hugged her and gave her a kiss. He wasn't too big to show her his affection still. But this time he'd not come out of his room, and she was alarmed that her daughter was just going with it.

There was a knock on Joey's door. Slowly it opened and his nan's head poked round the crack.
"Can I come in Joey?"
"Yeah," he said quietly. He'd been listening to his music and was sprawled on the bed with Amore's blanket close to him. He'd been still able to smell his friend. With his eyes shut, even a month or so later, it still felt like he was there in the room with him.
"Missing Amore?" she asked tentatively.
He didn't answer, but she could tell from his puffy red eyes he'd been crying. She knew better than to refer to it.
"I wanted to come be with you. Just for a bit mind, just so you know I'm here."
And with that she crossed the room, got on the bed beside him and clutched his hand quietly. For a long time nothing was said. Joey felt a bit awkward. He'd gotten used to people giving up on asking how he was, they could see, they left him alone. But it seemed rude to tell your nan to get out and leave you alone.

After the longest while his nan spoke.
"You know, I used to have a cat when I was twelve. She was the biggest, fattest cat you ever did see. Her name was Zilo, and she was as lazy as could be. She used to sleep on my bed all day long. When I went to sleep she was there purring so darned loud, and at night she was as warm as toast and twice as loud as a speeding lorry."
Joey just listened, but a smile spread over his face thinking of his Amore.
"Zilo must have gone out some time, but I never saw it. The only time she moved was to eat or drink, the rest of the time she was resting or sleeping. But she was a good listener, and she never once objected if I picked her up and hugged her."

It was comforting to listen to his nan speak so affectionately about her pet and childhood. It made Joey feel less alone, more connected, less stupid for missing a dumb animal. But Amore was far from stupid, he knew that. He just couldn't bring himself to face a life without him. Then he asked her,
"What happened to Zilo nan?".
She replied softly, almost affectionately recalling all those decades back as if they were yesterday.
"Oh she died. Most parents get a kitten for their kids, but I got a full grown cat. I never minded, because she was so unexpectedly different. I needed a cat who'd be there, who'd listen and love me unquestioningly, and that's what God provided."

It was a long silence in-between, then Joey asked her,
"What did she die of?"
"Old age," she said smiling. There was a warmth returned in her tone as if recollecting with such fondness. My parents got me next doors cat that had belonged to an old lady who died. It was very old like her, and the family didn't want to move it from the surroundings it knew. So they asked my parents if they'd take it, and so they gave her to me. That cat was a good fifteen years old when I got it. But somehow we got the best of years together."
"And do pets survive nan do ya think?"

His nan thought on how to put this, knowing Joey's loss was still so fresh.
"Who can honestly say." She squeezed his hand in support. "I think any spirit lives on like we do. They're the best of us in some ways, innocent and affectionate, giving and loving and faithful. So why the hell not?"
The fifteen year old smiled at her, she could be feisty and funny. But he kept quiet and listened intently to her point of view.
"All animals will revert to their nature. They're free spirits. But those who've grown close to humans may have created bonds with them. Perhaps they wait around in heaven or wherever they go and we go, just waiting to be reunited. When we die, why shouldn't they sense our being there, why should it just be family and friends to greet us, why not our pets too?"
"I like that thought nan," Joey said feeling hope and warmth rising in him.

His nan sat up and looked at him. Kissed his forehead and brushed at his hair with her little delicate old lady hands. It was soothing.
"I know when I wake up in heaven, I expect that great big lump of a cat to be snoozing on me." She laughed, and Joey smiled and laughed too.
"I hope Amore will be waiting for me too," Joey confessed.
"Oh I'm a lot nearer getting there than you. But I'm not worried, I believe our connection was strong. I think those we love will always be in and out of our lives. Love is love Joey, isn't that what you kids always say?"
"Yeah nan," Joey chuckled, " but not necessarily in that context."
"And why not?" she asked him. "If humans have an afterlife, then why not animals too. What a boring spirit world it would be without plants and flora, animals and people from all nations."

It was an odd subject for Joey to turn his attention to. He'd never really thought of heaven and an afterlife before. He was young and hadn't really had anyone or anything die on him yet. Amore was the first. He felt awkward talking about it with others, but to him the loss felt like losing family. They'd been so close. He confided this to his nan rather sheepishly.
" That's how you know the love was genuine," she shocked him in replying. "People are dumb, they think love can only be felt by other people. Not so, you know yourself that Amore returned your love, always faithful and devoted. What more precious gift can one soul give another?"
And with that, his nan patted his hand and was gone.
"Bye nan," he shouted out after her.
"Whatever," came the faintest reply from down the hallway. He smiled.

That night in his sleep Joey slept through. But in his dreams he was faw away, running with Amore and lying in meadows where the wild flowers seemed so vibrant. And he was happy, he'd reconnected to his friend. It all didn't seem so final any more. And as he slumbered and came too he felt a weight on his chest before he'd opened his eyes, and he heard the loudest purring possible. He still didn't open his eyes, he knew if he did the dream would disappear and be gone. For the next few seconds he just savoured the odd sensation and thought of his nan. Her Zilo, his Amore. She was right, they'd all be reunited. And when he did finally wake, he felt truly that a weight had been lifted from his heart. He put the dog blanket away in his drawer and didn't need it as a remembrance of his friend any longer. For he carried Amore much closer than that, in his own heart.



© .Garry Saunders