You’ll see the signs but claim ignorance. You’ll see the sudden increase in clothes and major decrease in having fun. The need to cover raw skin and hideaway closed in a world where there is belief that no human can penetrate. You’ll see the eye bags, the fear to sleep because the nightmares keep coming, because they can still feel those strong, malicious hands gripping their two legs apart and taking control of their inability to fight. You’ll see them whispering at night “please don’t,” “please leave me,” “no, no, no.”

The panic attacks are there too. Don’t pretend you didn’t see it once or twice. The inability to breathe, the sudden pouring of tears, the hallucinations, the fear, the looking at their back to see, oh see, who’s watching them. You’ll see the rigid postures, the looking lost, the “oh, I didn’t hear you, would you mind repeating that for me.”

You saw them tears falling from their eyes. You saw them trying to own this situation they are going through. You heard she or he, whichever one it may be, trying to say “I’m fine,” and you could see the face, there was nothing fine about that face or posture or stature but you, yes you. You lied to their faces and told them that indeed they are fine. You reassured their rightful doubts and killed them more.

Rape is not just a word; it’s actually a situation that happens to a person. Rape is depression, rape is death. Rape is a thief; it steals a piece of someone and never intends to give it back. Rape is your imagination. Rape is an intention that if carried out, hurts both parties involved.

A victim of rape is not just a group of words, it’s actually a person, people even, that have gone through the most terrible period of their life. A period where they learnt how to become invisible because their visibility is what hurt them. A period where they stopped talking, stopped protesting, started nodding, and started accepting. They refused their rights because they lost one of the most important ones they had. They said no and were slapped, they said no and were invaded. They lost their voice while fighting. So now they nod, cause in all sense, what’s the use of fighting when they would still be denied and stripped of their rights. At times, a victim of rape is not sad rather they are angry. They’re furious; mad even, at the world for disappointing them when they were assured they had a voice. They hide their pain within themselves and wear this self-imposed mask to make sure they are never hurt again. They make sure they never go through that sort of situation again. They take reign of their situation and avoid any help or pity whatsoever.

So yeah, when you see a person that has been raped, don’t just pretend that everything’s alright, don’t also pretend that you know their plight. Just be with them. Read body language and gauge the words they are trying to speak but can’t get out of their mouth because of this self-induced pain. Hug them when they cry and give them space when they wish. When they feel alone, reassure them that they are not. Laugh when they crack a joke and treat them as you did before. The only difference will be the time you will take. The time to love them, caress them and beg them to let you in. Don’t ever force them though because with time, they will come around.

So when you see the signs, don’t claim ignorance. Don’t claim the “God. What happened to you? You didn’t tell me shit.” Don’t do that, because that’s a lie. They let you in, they gave you signals, they spoke body language, you just didn’t grab it at all, and you saw it but pretended not to. Your ignorance plays a crucial part in the decision they will make at that point. So please see the signal, read the signs and proffer solutions such as undulated love to them. That is you not claiming ignorance but being responsible and showing wisdom.

© Ifeamareme Uchechi Favour

#rape #pain #reachout #selfhelp #sayno #spreadlove #Saynotorape