Now, as I sip my coffee and look outside at the world through a rain-pattering window, I get reminded of you again.




This moment of remembrance feels more like a compulsion and obsession than any feeling that can be remotely mistaken for jubilance. All those ‘happy’ moments we had shared together, those deep secrets we had shared intertwined with each other under sultry blankets night after night as well as that fake sense of ‘being one’ with a person I had never known before, come back- to haunt me, to kill me alive.  




Love, in reality, is but a psychedelic drug, with anger, depression and suicidal thoughts as its withdrawal symptoms.




As I see you on the road walking down with another lover with your hand on her waist, I smile.



I smile, because, deep inside I know that she, or anybody else for that matter, will never be able to love you like I did.



And then I smile wider when I realize an incredibly true fact: I’m Free.




I’m as free as the mountain-birds with their colourful plummage and wild, untamed wings of flight as they glide through the clear blue skies without fearing humans who might catch them, tear their wings apart or keep them as stuffed species in some museum for money and show.




I slowly feel, within myself, a desire to cry. And I let it go.




Cool, salty tears cascade down my cheeks, reaching my chin while the logic part of my brain struggles to find a reason to justify their descent.




What did they symbolize?


Mirth? Suffering? Pain?




The tears agreed with none of the options given to them: their cause being as complicated and hopeless as love itself.




Or more like that illusion I had bragged about foolishly, proudly as a ‘love-life’. It had not been a love, and definitely not a ‘life’.



‘Life’ was what I was experiencing right now, brimful, unexpected, full of opportunities if only I could seize them at the optimum moment.



And in that semi-lit empty room, I laugh out.



I inhale deeply, and the soothing, earthy petrichor of the weather fills up my lungs, making my heart exhilarate.



I’m alive.