Part 1: The beginning.
It was full moon that night as I stood beside the pool that was filled with rainwater. Why? why me of all people? I have asked myself these questions over and over for the past 20 years of my life. It wasn't easy channeling these dark emotions that threatened to burst out of me. I've lost precious people in my life ever since I was born. Some by choice others by tragedies. I have faced death many times but it was always never me that it took. I have learnt to harness my emotions into making arts that I never cry. That's my way of grieving the loss of my loved ones.
As a way of keeping my emotions at bay, I'd bury myself in books, do arts, watch Korean dramas, listen to Kpop music and mostly overthink everything.
What people never know about me is that, I was never comfortable with other people in my life. I've struggled to maintain a good relationship with my parents and some people just think I'm coldhearted. I don't make regular phone calls, I don't reply to messages and answer calls if I don't want to. And I had to agree that I'm a little selfish. But I'm also trying to find myself in all these chaos life throws at me. I'm very introverted and I hardly talk to other people about my problems, so it's tough. I watched as the moon went behind a dark cloud. And I thought, if I had enough courage I could just end it here but, I realized this is just the beginning.
© Kenji