I, a conveniently poor articulator just perceived that I am so awkward with people. I no longer know how to be a person. Every time I drastically failed at socializing, I would comfort myself with some warm compliments like " hey, You are not boring. You are fun. It's just that you do not talk much. It's totally fine. You don't need to push yourself for talks if you are not comfortable". But now I deeply feel stupid to even have said all these to myself. Having said that, I am just reminding myself that my social life is hella boring to the point that I barely have a life these days.

Earlier I thought, or more accurately put it, believed that it is not my thing to start a conversation with someone (I don't know but I get freaked out a lot). But lately, I realised that it is neither the start nor the finishing that matters to me. But the in-betweens. Like even if I don't initiate a talk and someone else does, I find it hard to keep up with that person. They may casually be chit-chatting with me. But I would look like a doofus dummy. While the other person talks, I do mostly the bare minimums like smiling, nodding, grunting, and humming ( why did I even put grunting here?) Giving them all the indirect signals that "I am sorry, but I can't take this anymore. Please leave me".

Once I had a talk with the nicest dude I have come across so far. Well, The nicest and he was good-looking too. Initially, we had this awkward eye contact with each other. Because none of us neither...