He was stuck, re-reading the same words over and over again. He had wanted a distraction, something to clear his mind. But he couldn't seem to focus on the book in his hands. He just continued to re-read the same three sentences over and over, unable to process the words even after the many times he read them.

After a moment he sighed and slid the bookmark back into the middle of the book before snapping it shut. He tossed it onto the desk in front of him before spinning in his swivel chair to face the other side of his bedroom. Then he proceeded to stare up at the blank white ceiling.

"You remember that time we went camping?"

The familiar words echoed in his mind. A memory that he once cherished, feeling bittersweet now that the owner of that voice was long gone and he'd never hear her again.

"We stayed up late and looked at the stars. There were so many. How come we can't see that many from our house?"

He remembered his reply like it was yesterday, when in fact that memory took place several years ago. Yet he remembered almost every single detail about that day on the rooftop of his home, sitting beside her.

"I'd rather live in the forest. Wouldn't that be cool? Then we could stay up every night looking at the stars. Maybe we'd even see a few shooting stars. What would you wish for if we did?"

At the time he had just shrugged and responded with, I'm not sure. Back then he didn't really want anything. He had his family, his home, the clothes on his back and the food on their table. What more could he have asked for?

But now he had a wish. One that he would make a thousand times. A wish that he knows would never come true but would still hope for it anyway. Tears collected in his eyes as he stared up at the blank ceiling, remembering the glow-in-the-dark stars he used to have taped up there.

The same stars he took down after his little sister died.

He rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie, trying to wipe away the tears and hope the evidence would disappear. He didn't want to look in the mirror only to see just how broken he became after her death. She would have wanted him to move on. To be happy. So why couldn't he?

"Happy birthday, big brother! I hope you like them!"

At the time he had been confused as to why his sister had bought him the glow-in-the-dark stars. It wasn't as if he was the one that was so fascinated with the sky. He always thought that her bedroom would have looked better with them, but she had insisted that they go up in his room.

"If I had one wish, it would be to touch the stars!"

She had grinned at him. He had chuckled and told her that the stars would probably burn her hands but she didn't care. She was stubborn. She refused to back down. It was one of the traits that he both admired and hated. For all they knew, if she was not so stubborn, she'd probably still be alive.

His tears were just as stubborn as she was. A few slid down his cheeks before he wiped them away once more. Then he stood and made his way toward his closed door. He opened it and looked out at the empty hallway. The house was so quiet without her joyful laughter filling the air.

He began making his way down the hall and toward the kitchen, walking past one of the other rooms that had a 'do not enter' sign on the door. He didn't even glance at it as he passed by. Then he passed by his parents bedroom. His mother was away at work while his father was who knows where.

As he approached the kitchen he imagined the radio blasting pop music. The sound of his sisters sneakers squeaking across the floor as she danced around the room. He would just stand by the doorway, smiling at her. She'd notice him and puff out her cheeks in annoyance.

"Don't laugh at me."

He'd shake his head and tell her he wasn't laughing. On some days he'd even join in and they'd start dancing around the house together, earning a cheerful laugh from their mother and an amused eye roll from their father. But all of that changed after she died.

The house was always so quiet now. His mother was either at work or out with her friends, getting drunk and doing who knows what else. His father wasn't any better, he was always out of the house as well, though nobody knew what he was doing since he was currently unemployed and didn't really have any friends to hang out with.

The blinking light on the house phone caught his attention. He made his way across the kitchen. The silence felt so deafening. Once he got to the counter he realized that there was a voice message waiting for him. He lifted the phone, pressing a button in order to get the message to play.

"Yo, hey man, you doing alright?" The familiar voice of his best friend said through the receiver. "I know things've been bad lately. I honestly don't know what else to say. I'm not good with all the touchy-feely stuff, you know? I just wanted to let you know that we're all thinking of you."

The sound of distant shouting seemed to catch both their attention. He immediately recognized the voices in the background as well. They were the voices of his other friends. Friends he hadn't seen in quite some time. After his sisters death he had isolated himself. So he wasn't that surprised that his friends seemed worried about him.

The voices in the background died down until they disappeared completely. He could only guess that his friend had moved away from the others into a quieter room as to not be disturbed. "Look man, I get it." The guy sighed. He wasn't used to this side of his friends, they were normally so loud, cheerful and happy.

Hearing his best friend sound so defeated, well, it was really making him rethink his decision to stay home.

"If it had been my little sister..." He trailed off. Then there was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "She really was a sweet girl. It's a bummer what happened, and I might sound a bit insensitive when I say this but... she would have wanted you to be happy. It's bad enough your parents are falling apart at the seams, she wouldn't want you doing the same thing."

There was silence again before the voice message abruptly ended. Not even a goodbye or anything along those lines. He wasn't surprised, but he was considering the idea of popping in on his friends just to make sure everyone was alright.

Funny, huh? He's the one who just lost a sibling yet all he can do is think about how everyone else feels.

"You're such a dork!" His sisters voice rang through his head as another memory emerged from the back of his mind. "You know you're allowed to think about yourself sometimes too. You have feelings just like everyone else, mister selfless hero."

He smiled as tears collected in his eyes once more. This time however, he didn't brush them away. Instead he ran to his best friends house where all his friends were waiting for him with open arms. Because his family might not be there for their son at the moment, but his friends will always have his back.

And as his sister once said before...

"Boys can cry too. You don't need to act so stoic just because you want to seem strong."

She grinned.

"We're all human after all."








03/19/2021
© Sam T. Parker

- Honestly I don't know where the idea for this came from. I just sort of started writing and then it became this. I liked it enough to post it on here. I hope you guys enjoy.