God I'm so sick of these white walls. It all seems so glum, I feel like decorating the place, put my own stamp on it. The spartan look should be left for hotels and waiting rooms, the kind of places people of all persuasions are passing through. A blank, bland canvas is good for people to feel calm around. Calm isn't anywhere near how I feel. I can feel the blood running down my arm slowly. I'm anxious, alert, terrified really. I could do with some of my creature comforts about me; a poster or two and a comfy soft blanket, a choice of music and something decent to watch. There's a wall hung telly but it's been playing the shopping channel for fifteen hours straight 'cause I can't find the remote and nobody seems the least bit bothered. I could go crazy at this rate on top of all my other worries. Bloody Hell, if I have to watch them sell another piece of fake looking diamante jewellery I will throw myself out the window. With any luck I'll bleed to death first.

I'm currently invested in an argument my brother is having with my girlfriend. She's been here for the past hour and for some reason he's angry. I edge a little nearer, moving to the side of the room silently, careful not to stir and give the game away. They're too engulfed in their argument to notice.
"For Christ sake Mandy, you took your time. I called home last night when they rang me. I got no answer so I rang Billy and explained the situation. Imagine my surprise when he said you were there, he'd go get you!"
"So, I was at Billy's, it's no business of yours," Mandz replied with the bitchy tone she usually reserves for me when I'm in the doghouse. I was curious, I thought she hated my mate Billy. She always told me he drank too much and his body odour smelt of Worcester sauce crisps.

I must say, my brother Dom had looked better. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was sticking up all over the place. As little kids mum was always brushing it down for him to no avail. Seems he hadn't grown out of it, he looked dreadful. He was wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday, and his temper seemed frayed to say the least. He spoke again at her.
"Why did you even bother coming? If you're seeing someone else why haven't you just ended it with him? For all I know you've probably driven him to this."
Mandz looked pissed. I knew that look of sheer malevolence, and what it meant. It spelled "shutdown". I smiled slightly when I saw her put her hand in his face to quiet him.
"I don't need to explain or excuse who I was with. That's our business like I say. Besides, this isn't the time nor the place."

I watched my little brother with amusement. He wasn't as patient or forgiving as myself, and he certainly had never liked her when we were dating in school, and much less after we moved in together. There was no love lost between them. I looked out of the glass in the door panel and sure enough there was Billy sat in the hallway. I was going to go out and ask him why Mandz was round there, but then someone placed their hand on my arm and diverted my attention.
"Hey there. Sorry if I'm late, I should have been here sooner."
I turned round to see this young guy in his mid twenties, nice suit and sparkling green eyes. He was smiling with a wide eyed look that begged forgiveness, and I sank gladly into the luminosity of it.
"No problem, but should I know you?" I asked a little taken aback. After all, this was my room and nobody else was allowed in.
"Oh right," he said, "sorry Col, I forgot my manners I'm kinda new to all this, it's my first day on the job." He reached out to shake my hand, his grip firm but not overpowering, warm and sincere. I figured if he knew my name he must be someone sent to come chat to me. He looked official, but he didn't carry any bag or papers and I noticed he was wearing Nike's.
"Am I in trouble?" I asked him. My first thought was I'd done something wrong and he was from someone looking to hold me accountable.

Just then voices were raised in some sort of slanging match. Mandz was going at it with my bro, something about Billy and her cheating. They hadn't heard me chatting to the guy, nor like me had they seen him coming in. Again the guy touched my shoulder to distract my attention. His gaze held me again, and his deep rich tone seemed soothing over the commotion.
"You need to come with me Col, I need to take you for processing." I was thinking I had seemed rooted to the room, I had tried leaving but I seemed unable to. Every time I tried I felt nauseous and was pulled back to the feeling of blood running down my skin. Nobody had noticed, but it was pooling.
"Are you from my Insurance? " I asked, "or the Police, or maybe the Admin of here?"
"No Col. I've been sent to collect you."
I cut him off.
"Did I call an Uber?" I was too distracted again by certain words drifting over from the two fighting.

The words were clear, the argument heated, but I caught the words " cheating on him."
I started blacking out. The young guy caught me and showed me back over to the bed. I sat there dizzy, I was sitting on a cotton blanket that had soaked up a lot of the blood. I didn't care, I had bigger things on my mind.
"Come with me Col. We can leave this place and go somewhere quieter together, somewhere where you can think and relax in peace." He was trying to be nice, but I pushed him weakly away.
"Fella, I don't know you. Stranger danger pal, besides, I'm not feeling so great and I think my girlfriend is dumping me....or about to when she can gets the nerve to speak the truth."
"Col you don't realise what's happening here." He was irritatingly too reassuring in his voice and demeanor.
"Oh I know alright pal, I got the gist. My gal is having it off with my best mate and my brother is about to have a coronary calling her out on it."

I fought him off as he tried to keep me off my feet.
"Hey Dom, tell her from me she's dumped," I shouted. But I guess they were too engrossed in their own battle of words to bother with me. The blood was dripping on the floor now and I wondered why nobody but me had noticed. Nice guy was telling me to stay sat down whilst I adjusted.
"Adjusted to what?" I asked naively. "You don't adjust to learning your girlfriend's a love cheat very easily. I've a right to be pissed off."
"You do Col, you do...but that's not important right now."
"It's damn well important to me pal!" I retorted and was pushing his helping hands away in irritation. "Leave me alone, go process someone else, I'm busy."
Whoever this guy was he wouldn't take no for an answer. I carried on resisting until he said,
"But you're dead Col, that's what I'm here to process. I'm your guide, Paul. I've been sent to bring you in."

I looked at my body on the hospital bed. The tubes feeding my other arm. All the blood that had sunk into sheets, blanket and mattress. My head swam in confusion. Christ I was having a shitty day. I'd hurt myself, I'd learnt Mandz was a two timing tart, and now I'm dead! Could it get any worse? then in my vacant mind numbing brain haze I looked up and saw the network shopping channel was still on...so yes, yes it could.


© .Garry Saunders