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deaf
Caffeine and Tylenol bottles are scattered around Evie floating in a pool of vomit. Her head is resting on her drawn knees, pressed to her chest, her hands gripping her shoulders so tightly her knuckles are white. Whiter than the kkk robes as us southern folks say. Blood is dripping down her arm as she digs her nails in deeper, unaware of the pain or the blood. Her eyes are wide open. Occasionally staying at the bright light bulb overhead to wake herself up when she catches herself dozing off. Slowly rocking back and forth, back and forth.
Back and forth to fight off sleep and the whole body ache that controls every aspect of her body, of her miserable little life. To fight the nightmares that flood her head as soon as her eyes close and the vast debts of sleep overtake her. It’s a single dream that haunts her, asleep and awake. A single dream haunting her for the past year. The dream from which she cant escape and the dream that she cant change, no matter what or how desperately she tries. The dream is powerful enough to throw her into an eight day suicidal, insomniac, paranoid, depressive state that she's now in.
Eight days of sleeplessness. Of helplessness. Of nausea, reeking vomit, cramps, dehydration, starvation. Of tears, of open eyes that don’t see a things, of ears that hear nothing of what the mouth its pair with is saying. The horrendous sounds escaping her own mouth.
Cold. Hell. Screams. Silence, silence. The awful overhead lights beaming down, casting light over the pitiful broken creature rocking back and forth in her own vomit and urine. Sweat and tears and drool. Spit running down the corners of her mouth. Sweat dripping from every pore in her shaking body.
The last of the precious caffeine pills wearing off, her body and mind screaming at her to just shut her eyes and give in to the ever looming nightmare that tortures her every single day. Every single night. Every single hour, minute, second.
……………………….
My eyes are snapped open as I hit my head against the wall I’m pinned to. The complete utter darkness doesn’t scare me anymore, I’m so used to this hell. The straight jacket pinning me to the wall is tight around my chest, constricting my lungs making my breaths loud, heavy and raspy as an old man’s.
The coughing starts. Streams of bloody mucus flow down my chin and I cant stop. Shaking and jerking with every cough tearing a hole in my chest making it harder and harder to get air. The echoed sound of me dying bounces of the wall in front of me. I cant see it but I can sense its nearness. My feet don’t touch the floor. My body is pressed against the wall in the straight jacket, a strap going across my neck, choking me harder, tightening tighter tighter tighter as time goes by. Another run across my thighs. I can barely move my dangling feet and my whole body is already numb. I can barely breathe. Every sound blossoms into a new echo. The sounds never stop, every single fucking sound. The echo never runs out and it gets better. New sounds, new horrible sounds start filing in. Horrible, nasty, ugly, desperate sounds.
Screams. Moans. Murdering. Blood dripping. Sirens. Gagging. Church bells. Ravens. Crows. Weeping. Sobbing. Death. Chirps. Chops. Laughter. Gun fire. Children. Giggles. Waved. Dogs. Engines. Air planes.
Bouncing off the walls, all these sounds all the echoes. My coughing. The bloody spray on the wall in front of me. The echoes get faster and faster, louder and louder until I feel the blood flow down the sides of my face. Its flows into my mouth. Lord there’s so much blood. So much. So much blood. Metal. Pennies. I taste pennies.
Dead silence. Busted eardrum. I’m dead, oh God. The devil won’t let me go that easy. I hang there until I die. Then the real fun starts.
………………………
© ginnyreeves
Back and forth to fight off sleep and the whole body ache that controls every aspect of her body, of her miserable little life. To fight the nightmares that flood her head as soon as her eyes close and the vast debts of sleep overtake her. It’s a single dream that haunts her, asleep and awake. A single dream haunting her for the past year. The dream from which she cant escape and the dream that she cant change, no matter what or how desperately she tries. The dream is powerful enough to throw her into an eight day suicidal, insomniac, paranoid, depressive state that she's now in.
Eight days of sleeplessness. Of helplessness. Of nausea, reeking vomit, cramps, dehydration, starvation. Of tears, of open eyes that don’t see a things, of ears that hear nothing of what the mouth its pair with is saying. The horrendous sounds escaping her own mouth.
Cold. Hell. Screams. Silence, silence. The awful overhead lights beaming down, casting light over the pitiful broken creature rocking back and forth in her own vomit and urine. Sweat and tears and drool. Spit running down the corners of her mouth. Sweat dripping from every pore in her shaking body.
The last of the precious caffeine pills wearing off, her body and mind screaming at her to just shut her eyes and give in to the ever looming nightmare that tortures her every single day. Every single night. Every single hour, minute, second.
……………………….
My eyes are snapped open as I hit my head against the wall I’m pinned to. The complete utter darkness doesn’t scare me anymore, I’m so used to this hell. The straight jacket pinning me to the wall is tight around my chest, constricting my lungs making my breaths loud, heavy and raspy as an old man’s.
The coughing starts. Streams of bloody mucus flow down my chin and I cant stop. Shaking and jerking with every cough tearing a hole in my chest making it harder and harder to get air. The echoed sound of me dying bounces of the wall in front of me. I cant see it but I can sense its nearness. My feet don’t touch the floor. My body is pressed against the wall in the straight jacket, a strap going across my neck, choking me harder, tightening tighter tighter tighter as time goes by. Another run across my thighs. I can barely move my dangling feet and my whole body is already numb. I can barely breathe. Every sound blossoms into a new echo. The sounds never stop, every single fucking sound. The echo never runs out and it gets better. New sounds, new horrible sounds start filing in. Horrible, nasty, ugly, desperate sounds.
Screams. Moans. Murdering. Blood dripping. Sirens. Gagging. Church bells. Ravens. Crows. Weeping. Sobbing. Death. Chirps. Chops. Laughter. Gun fire. Children. Giggles. Waved. Dogs. Engines. Air planes.
Bouncing off the walls, all these sounds all the echoes. My coughing. The bloody spray on the wall in front of me. The echoes get faster and faster, louder and louder until I feel the blood flow down the sides of my face. Its flows into my mouth. Lord there’s so much blood. So much. So much blood. Metal. Pennies. I taste pennies.
Dead silence. Busted eardrum. I’m dead, oh God. The devil won’t let me go that easy. I hang there until I die. Then the real fun starts.
………………………
© ginnyreeves
