‘Sarah, do you think mom still thinks of us?’
Jacob stuttered,
stumbling into his plaid pyjamas

‘She’s sick Jakie, she loves us.. She just
Needs some time’

I swallowed a pit of guilt
Knowing I was just prolonging his disappointment.

Mom left us,
She was sick
but she wasn’t coming home.

Mental illness has its layers
Hell,
No one knew what ailed her
But I can tell you she was using
The wrong medication.

Jake was spared from the early days,
The hard days..
When mom was on her
Personal cocktail of pills

We treaded lightly
Tucked ourselves away by 8
When her manic state seemed
to override

My father played it down
‘Oh you know how she gets, honey’

No, this wasn’t normal
She needed help

& the doors were closed

I was just a kid
Trying to stay afloat

Confused how my soft, sweet mother
Became a ticking time bomb

Set to explode.

My father turned a blind eye

Shut the door with a dead bolt

She was lost in her mind
Checked out,
resigned

I was mad,
Emotionally drained

How could she leave us?
What was the purpose?

She was denied
The help she required

I pray she’s alive
Untangling her wires

I can’t keep this up
For much longer
Laying false hope
Upon my brothers

Shoulders.

He’s only 6
So I’ll protect his youthfulness
Ignorant bliss

In this case
Is something worth offering

Starting to have a little hope
Myself

Maybe she’ll turn the key

I’ll wake
To her watching news
Maximum volume
on the couch

We live in a world of questions
So I’ve made it my duty

Do my best
For Jake to have the childhood
I was robbed from so early

I’m merely 17

Have seen more darkness
Than most
Could fathom
Or even dream

But It’s made me strong

Climbing back from rock bottom

I’ll thrust forward

Leaving no one abandoned.



* fiction
An old write, reworked