You don't need enemies, when your family members and friends are playing their part so wonderfully. Holding your hand,
how to discourage?
how to demotivate?
I learned from them...
what I should never do, they teached me... not by saying but by doing that...
First then broke my heart and of course me..
not only physically but also emotionally...
Sometimes I used to hate them...
No!!! Not Hate...
HATE is the word which I have never used for anybody...
EVER IN MY LIFE...
It sounds like I m depressed..

But, honestly speaking... YES I was depressed since 3 months...
Wanted to run away from my house...
wanted to end my life...
Every second I was cursing myself...
My mind was filled with negativity...
I was experiencing the shower of million unanswerable questions..
For many silly different reasons or issues...
Every moment or situation...
feels me like....
do I deserve this kind of treatment from them...???

The solution I was taking as a pain killer..
was crying alone...
hitting my head on the wall...
punching on the wall....
or In the way I say..
I was hurting myself..
sometimes I felt like....
DONE WITH THIS WORLD!!!!!

But then there's something or quality in me, called "SELFISHNESS".
because of which I m still surviving...
for MYSELF.
why should I die for somebody else..
if my presence is hurting them..
then I have something to offer them...
so-called, "POISON".

Which I had once for myself...
can I here be very honest...
may you all.. the one who is reading this... have noticed..
in this month.. I had deactivated my account almost 10 times... reason I said....
STUDIES...
but that was just a reason to tell... actual reason was something else..
which I don't wanna discuss...
even I don't wanna share with anybody...
coz I m trying to forget..

In that situation what I felt correct for myself I did...
deleted all the posts of mine of that account...
and deactivated that account putting 3 dots...
reason - I wanted you all to forget me completely...
I not wanted you all to even remember my name..
I wanted to erase my existence... I deleted my many comments on the posts of yours... I deleted all the social media apps and accounts...
I kept my behavior wrong with every individual known to me..
I tried my level best to hurt them.. so that after my death...
they won't cry... and say things like.. "THANK GOD HE DIED".

I was all set to do a suicide...
I provided 3 options to myself...
to jump from the mountain near my house...
to insert knife or scissor in my stomach..
or..
hanging....
I go with second option...
and took the weapon in my hands...
and here we go...
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
....
stop..
like seriously..
Me..
Manish Singh...
SUICIDE....
seriously??

No.. I won't.. why should I do this... suicide is never the solution... for any problem... I have.. we have... Be little bit courageous to face your problems and tackle it...
I listened this 100 times... from many people.. and suggested this to more than 1000 people...

You know guys...
in those 10 seconds... what I thought.. what came in my mind...
YOU ALL...
STORY OF YOU ALL..
INSPIRATIONAL WORDS OF YOU ALL...
my senior 🐵 - suvedha di...
her potential and learning skill..
jenny ma'am - NOTHING CAN CHANGE ME...
this really inspired me...
jeswin.. my chandramukhi - when I read her story... I was literally on the verge of tears.. how compromising you are... brave you are..
snow - mystery girl...
my best friend on this app..
I love to tease her with my questions...
how understanding she is...
always listened me.. understood me... and really a very nice girl...
sunshine - she actually stick with her words.. a real dreamer and a doer.. really your this quality inspired me... I m already too much stubborn since my childhood.. but from now I will be double.. or triple or *100*100*100...
helzashine - my queen... OF HELL...
very straight forward with her words... I loved her real side more than the one she created in our eyes...
weirdo - my lil sister..
my mirror image.. I m so happy to see all bad qualities of mine in you...
zaara - pikachu girl - or chhoti bachi ...
really so sweet she is...
very mature and sincere..
which I never thought.. someone could be like this..
Aria - my tubelight....
peanut brain..
really your story also brings tears into my eyes... and you too inspired me in that moment... stay always like this...
Polycarp - A believer - my elder bro.. my motivator...
so encouraging and positive minded person he is...
...
and there are many more people...
but now they are not available on this app.. so didn't thought to write anything about them... it tooks too much effort and it will waste my time.. that's it..
I really don't know how to express my exact feelings through my words... but I m really very grateful to you all..
thank you so much to enter in my life and be a important part of it...

There are some incidents of my life which I want to share, I want to share all these non - materialistic things, so-called my feelings with someone special.... still unknown to me...
you know let me tell you a secret, I believe.. I genuinely believe in fairy tales.. Being boy... and there's nothing wrong in that...
MY LIFE MY CHOICES..

Firstly I always thought Cinderella was a stupid story...
I mean how can a girl stay with people who treat her so bad...
Even if it were her own family members...
I always didn't liked Cinderella and her cheerfulness...
how she would always be so kind.. no matter what,
how she would never even try to retaliate against her stupid family...
how she let her stepmother treat her so... so unpleasantly...
....
I had a lot of sympathy for her..
in a way, I guess..
I admired her too.
How she said, "Be kind, have courage and always believe in a little magic".
Even after going through so much.... she still had hope...
she still believed in kindness...
same thing I m doing...
may be right now I m helpless.. but not hopeless...
I believe.. one day somebody will come.. and change everything...
positivity is flowing in my blood..
I m still like a kid...
believing in all these childish things ..
but that's the only thing which makes me feel like...
this world is really very beautiful...
this was in my heart since so many months...
bothering me... hurting me..
and please don't think I wrote this to gain sympathy or anything like that.. I have never never been that kinda guy...
I do anything, everything for myself... for my happiness I m here.. for my benefit I may leave.. or may be I won't...
today I wrote this in my diary and posted here too..
feeling so better...
with this I'd I m gonna present my real side... how I m..
what I m feeling..
what I see..
what I learnt and all...
hope you all will like my this side...
well I m also sharing here one thing..
when my all dreams will come true... then I will publish one book.. on which currently I m working...
named...
"from greedy for love... to
greedy for ??"
question mark.. in the end.. why???
that I will reveal in the book....
Do read.. IN FUTURE...
in that book every incident of my life.. which hurts me.. which inspires me.. I m gonna mention... may be your name also I m gonna mention..
who knows... and may be not too.. don't trust me ever...
I m the definition of unexpected... heartbreaker... hatred... and what not...
.....
well thank you so much for giving your precious time.. to read this.. means a lottt...
stay safe and take care...
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

© Greedy_for_Love
#Manish...
#feelings...