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SHADES pt 4
I call it a free time whenever I'm done with my work at home,not like there was an end to it but i was free, yeah very free to go anywhere, no one would notice even if i was missing except they had work for me to do. Most of the time i stayed at my friends house till it was dark,i knew all the time at night my father must be drunk,sometimes when i get home
He's either lying on the ground sleeping or sitting down in a funny way talking to no one in particular.
My friends,Harrison is one of them,the one who gifted me the watch and the other sammy, a girl. There were other children but Harry and sammy were closer to me,we always met at Harry's big yard,his father was very rich, they had a large space in the compound, we would play hide and seek and many other games and sometimes sing poems.
Till date I'd still imagine why those kids with good appearances didn't have a problem associating with me,they played with me as if i wasn't looking like trash, i was always looking like a dustbin kid and it didn't even bother them.
Harry gives me food, the one meant to be given to their dog every time he does this i feel loved and cared for. I tell him about everything that happens at home, how I'm being maltreated and abused.
There was a time i got beaten at home like a thief, he told his father about it,they both followed me home. Harry's father was heavily angry at the lengthed marks on my body that looked like a design. We got home, met him as usual with a drink in his hand,They both had a big fight and at the end where Harry's father said he would sue him for child abuse and many other offences his face was filled with anger and fear,though he was tipsy but i saw it in his face.
They finally left and i knew i was in for trouble. I'd always expect beatings but this day i didn't know what was going to happen. He paced around in an angry manner and later went to his room,at this time i concluded on expecting death but at the end i didn't die,But the hell i went through was almost equal to death...
I can still remember shouting "I'm dead" more than a thousand times.
He put pepper on the cane he used which felt like a rod on my body,he must have given me up to a million strokes cause it felt like forever.He stopped when he was tired and satisfied not because i truly was going to die. Many other days like that i would tell Harry not to tell his father so i'd not have to die and come back to life.
I would always tell harry everything they did to me at home but i couldn't get myself to tell him about the rape.It took me a week before i could go out to play at harry's house.
Though the gravity of what my step brother did was unknown to me but i knew it was extremely worse that i couldn't gather up the courage to tell someone. I didn't even know how to explain it,How could i express myself when i didn't know what was what.
There was no adult i could talk to in the street, my father fought with all of them cause they interfered when he was dealing with me,so none of them behaved like i existed,the few ones that noticed me gave me the pity face and whenever they did that i try hard to hold back my tears but it falls anyway. I always feel like curse is written on my forehead cause i hear them whisper it both from older children and adults.
One day i was walking recklessly on the street like a lost child when a child younger than i was asked her mother why i looked like that... I felt stigmatized. At a young age i knew what shame was. But i was surviving
At the end of every day I'd thought my days of hell was subtracted like it was going to be over one day. I don't know what gave me the hope but i always had that thought and i believed it.
© miraa
He's either lying on the ground sleeping or sitting down in a funny way talking to no one in particular.
My friends,Harrison is one of them,the one who gifted me the watch and the other sammy, a girl. There were other children but Harry and sammy were closer to me,we always met at Harry's big yard,his father was very rich, they had a large space in the compound, we would play hide and seek and many other games and sometimes sing poems.
Till date I'd still imagine why those kids with good appearances didn't have a problem associating with me,they played with me as if i wasn't looking like trash, i was always looking like a dustbin kid and it didn't even bother them.
Harry gives me food, the one meant to be given to their dog every time he does this i feel loved and cared for. I tell him about everything that happens at home, how I'm being maltreated and abused.
There was a time i got beaten at home like a thief, he told his father about it,they both followed me home. Harry's father was heavily angry at the lengthed marks on my body that looked like a design. We got home, met him as usual with a drink in his hand,They both had a big fight and at the end where Harry's father said he would sue him for child abuse and many other offences his face was filled with anger and fear,though he was tipsy but i saw it in his face.
They finally left and i knew i was in for trouble. I'd always expect beatings but this day i didn't know what was going to happen. He paced around in an angry manner and later went to his room,at this time i concluded on expecting death but at the end i didn't die,But the hell i went through was almost equal to death...
I can still remember shouting "I'm dead" more than a thousand times.
He put pepper on the cane he used which felt like a rod on my body,he must have given me up to a million strokes cause it felt like forever.He stopped when he was tired and satisfied not because i truly was going to die. Many other days like that i would tell Harry not to tell his father so i'd not have to die and come back to life.
I would always tell harry everything they did to me at home but i couldn't get myself to tell him about the rape.It took me a week before i could go out to play at harry's house.
Though the gravity of what my step brother did was unknown to me but i knew it was extremely worse that i couldn't gather up the courage to tell someone. I didn't even know how to explain it,How could i express myself when i didn't know what was what.
There was no adult i could talk to in the street, my father fought with all of them cause they interfered when he was dealing with me,so none of them behaved like i existed,the few ones that noticed me gave me the pity face and whenever they did that i try hard to hold back my tears but it falls anyway. I always feel like curse is written on my forehead cause i hear them whisper it both from older children and adults.
One day i was walking recklessly on the street like a lost child when a child younger than i was asked her mother why i looked like that... I felt stigmatized. At a young age i knew what shame was. But i was surviving
At the end of every day I'd thought my days of hell was subtracted like it was going to be over one day. I don't know what gave me the hope but i always had that thought and i believed it.
© miraa
