© NEWLOVE

Aaash...ooosh...aaash...ride on faster... Yes... faster...I want to squirt...yes...praaaaaaaise the lord...give it to me baby...aaaassh...yeeees...I like it....you are almost close...faster....oh great... I cursed the day I experienced this pleasure in some minutes of leisure. If I knew this ecstasy will be the driving force arousing the thought of me committing suicide, I wouldn't have entertained that fool.
Anyways, he can't be blamed wholly since I also enjoyed his manliness. Even though I was naive, and it was my first, the pleasure I had from that moment wasn't a bad one at all despite it's current repercussion .
I loved God, and anything relating to him was the first on my scale of preference. I was a teenager when I was appointed as one of the core leaders of my church's women's fellowship. It was a privilege for someone as young as me to be made a leader amongst a group of adults that consisted of seventy-six members, I somewhat deserved it. I was so committed to the activities of the church that everyone tipped me to be the future head of the church.
My family wasn't in abject poverty though , we could afford three squared meal but the family's wealth wasn't enough to enrolled me at the university to an extent that I had to sign up for part-time and full-time jobs; even with that, because I had to report on Saturdays which was also slated for choir rehearsals, I had to quit those jobs. I chose God over them. My Church elders having noticed this development , decided to finance my tertiary education. This made me gather alacrity when I started my tertiary education.
As time went by, I became bored with my monotonous lifestyle; the routine features either the hostel, the campus church meeting, or the library. This earned me new friends, yet I was still lonely to extent that I wanted someone to move with and be acolyte, but then looking at how I branded myself, no one wanted to move with a boring me. At a point, one of our courses became so hard to decipher. It was like a combination of world war I, II, and the one that disrupted the reign of Napoleon. I then came across this national service person who was a genius in all the courses. He was the Messiah of all level 100s. In fact, no question went to him and returned unsolved. With all the prayers and time spent studying, I was still not getting any positive result and so I resorted to the national service person Mr. Kwame Kakari. Like magic, he made a truce of my world wars. This made me present my assignments to him consistently.
With time, proximity deepened our relationship. We started paying each other visit.
One night at my hostel, it rained cat and dogs and he couldn't return to his hostel so he had to sleep over. As naive as I was, I didn't see any problem sleeping on the same bed with him for just one night. That was a night to forget but will always remember. I could feel his breath from behind, and it gave me some chills that I couldn't resist but got wet even before the devil visited him. Little touch by him on my ear orchestrated the mood set by his breath. This made me too weak and lazy to resist him. I pleaded that he wear the "C " in the "ABC LIFE" condom but he was soo engrossed in the mood that he couldn't wait for a second. Then zooooooooom we skyrocketed to space.
Things went back to default after that night until one day when I fainted and was sent to the university's hospital. It was there that I was confirmed pregnant. I was so embarrassed, and began to miss my lectures intermittently . I thought everyone in the class had heard about it. Church was a no go area for me. I was so much ashamed to stand before the congregation, let alone to minister.
I told Mr. Kakari about it and he agreed to marry me before the pregnancy becomes more visible , we went to his parents.
At his parents’ house, it was disclosed to me that, he had a legally married wife. There and there I became dumbfounded and speechless, I made a fool out of myself. I got angry at him for not controlling his sexual desires and taking me for granted. I rejected the marriage offer and vowed to fend for myself and take full responsibility of my child. Before I realized, the news of my pregnancy spread like wide fire in my church. Hmmm...they were so disappointed in me for breaking my virginity, yet they showed me love and continued sponsor my education. One year after delivery, Mr. Kakari visited me again at my hostel, and for the sake of our child , I couldn't sack him. Another horrible mistake, he already knew my sex drive and pressed on that night, he triggered it. At once I lost control and a new feeling clouded my all the pain, struggles, and humiliation I'm suffering from. I forgot all I went through when the first one happened. I gave in again, and this time...oh my ghad, I enjoyed it more than the first one.
After everything was done, reality dawned on me..
Some few months, after the incident, I became pregnant!
How do I tell my story? First fool they say, is not a fool but the second is. Now I don't know how I will face the world when my stomach starts protruding. I want to abort it, but the guy and his mother are insisting I keep it. I'm caught between the anvil and the hammer. And very angry with myself as well. What am I going to tell my church that forgave me for my first mistake? And now that I don’t want to marry him because he is already taken...hmmm...who will in this 21st century marry a mother of two?...
I can't bear it....I want to kill myself.

END

Assisted : Emenefa Kolegeh
Raphael Mensah Junior