My rivalry with mornings will see no end. I can't handle them. They're like a shitty roommate. Morning people are by far the worst accessory to mornings.
"RISE AND SHINE! WHAT A GORGEOUS DAY! WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE!?"
Argh. Coffee? No. I'm not a coffee drinker. Do you have any blunt objects I can strike you in the face with? "Morning person" is just a euphemism for asshole. "Good morning! Did you sleep okay? What are your plans for the day? Did you want some breakfast?" I can't handle it.
Saying "good morning" to me is offensive. Lay off me! I just woke up! If you could kindly fuck off until approximately 2pm, it'd be greatly appreciated. The last thing you need when you're staggering around like a new born deer with bloodshot eyes is some plank asking you a bunch of useless questions like you're in a friggin' interrogation room.
Showers are usually linked to mornings. "Oh, have a nice hot shower! It'll help wake you up!" Why do people assume that a nice hot relaxing shower will make you want to get your day started instead of laying in bed with a bag of chips watching reruns of the Drew Carey show all day? Nothing gets me motivated like relaxation! Makes so much sense!
The rivarly continues.
I hate you, AM. I hate you.

© pouty