One day at a time.. this is the typical saying that you here in circles of 12 step programs such as AA, NA and the like.. but in reality, it is one moment at a time. Especially true for someone like me who is struggling with addiction.. which springs from the need to numb out the stress, anxiety, fear, self-loathing, self-hatred, etc.. which in turn spirals me into a state of oblivian compounding each and every one of those feelings and sending me down a rabbit hole of self destruction followed by a day of feeling deep despair, regret, bigger fear, deeper anxiety, crippling depression and those same old feelings of self-loathing and hatred, beating down my self worth and confidence. All these negative feelings grow and take hold like an alien face hugger.. the difference being I'm fully conscious while the parasite is planting this impending doom within me to eventually rip out of my chest and take on a life of its own as I die laying on the floor.. then, a few days later.. sometimes the very next day, it happens all over again.. with each time, its like the thing that escaped me became a monster in my head.. all the negative, the irrational thoughts, the destructive behaviors they cause. So, now comes the decision that Ripley had to make after seeing all of the destruction these things caused in the past.. I have to face them and defeat them or they will kill me.. I did not intend on this becoming an Aliens metaphor, but in relation to my mental state.. its as though they are running rampant in my head.. I don't know how many of them there are, where they will show up or when they are going to attack.. I wake up often in the morning or in the middle of the night with a powerful rush of anxiety that leaves almost as soon as it starts.. a quick, unprovoked panic attack.. a heavy sense of fear and an overwhelming feeling of dread.. in those few seconds, it is the scariest thing, short of having sleep paralysis.. I hate when it happens and I fear it will keep happening if I don't fight harder.. smarter to be more exact.. to get back to my happily normal life on Earth where I am content and at peace and my head is clear.. I'm saying goodbye and good riddance to my monsters 👋✌🖕