Life comes with curses and blessings. Some curses are passed down from generation to generation. As is, blessings can be rewards for breaking those curses. I was cursed from finding true love. There's also something called faith and I plan to use that Faith to break this affliction cast down upon me. Letting love pass you by is a great misfortune. people never know the true value of love until they're watching from the outside.

It seems as if I were born with a broken heart. A feeling of emptiness or even hatred for those who truly knew it. It hurts the worst to see those misuse it and take it for granted. Especially, from someone with a good heart. A broken heart and a empty heart can also teach the best lessons in life. That's why I walk humbly around those who may love me until this curse is broken. I think my soulmate are one true love may be the key to what breaks this curse.

I'm 34 now and the clock is ticking. To have live this long and watch everyone around me enjoy something I may never experience, it can change a person. It's a thin line between love and hate. Though I don't like to admit it without love there is only hate. every time I get close to even the thought of love is like flipping a coin that only falls on one side. The results leave me with a void that can't be filled.

The question is why am I cursed? Can this curse be broken? Is this a curse I'll have to live with and die with? I want answers. I will break this curse if it's the last thing I do. That's what I'm continuously telling myself! beyond reasoning I have done everything within my religious beliefs to find answers.

Today, I had an appointment with my life coach. after send bad breakups and disappointing friends it was time to seek professional help. I began doing some research online about social development in professional counseling. Most of the answers were to speak to someone about my problems. So, now the question is who? talking to a professional was kind of hard considering we have no emotional background or connection beforehand. Then a friend gave me a referral to a life coach to help me get some answers.

This was a start, I guess you can say. having one session with a life coach of course then fix my problems. Talking to my coach gave me a road map on how to face a problem I already knew existed. Basically, a guideline to be aware of how to condition myself to overcome my problems. In a sense to cheer me on from something worth fighting for. Someone once told me, I need not to ask why. But why is what always is eating at me in the back of my mind.

Now I'm wondering do I follow my intuition! What is the limit to seek what you may were never meant to have? Could this be all in my head? maybe having a psychiatrist pick my brain will unlock a door to why I am who I am. For now only true feeling of Love is but a dream. This psychiatrist idea may not be a bad plan!

Come to find out there is a difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist. one treat you through medication and evaluation while the other listens to you to find the source of mental conditions. It is crazy that I can't fall in love. Or am I crazy because I've never been in love? Where is the irony in that?

How the hell did I get into this crossroad? The thought of being medically induced to have a normal life scares me. How will I know the medication is helping me or not? To find my one true love is the only thing I want to fix this problem. I really don't want to let someone travel through my thoughts and blame my parents for not loving me enough. I don't think that's the answer!

Besides, what do I have to do to get this kind of help? Checking myself into a mental hospital won't fit into my schedule at this point. Yeah, I know that was a bit overboard there.

But hey what would you do if you were in my shoes? This whole ordeal has become nothing more than a q&A. Could I just be a drama queen in this all? The risk of repeating my ideas of being curse might just be the ticket to learn me right in front of psychiatrist. How about I cool it down with my landish thoughts. Had to take a breather for a moment. Let's sleep on this for tonight and regroup tomorrow.

Had the weirdest dream last night about this actually been a full-on curse? this dream was very detailed to the brink of actually me believing this was reality. I've never envision how could this have taken place...