I was feeling very depressed about myself so I need to take a break from home and want to go away from home. Because I had lost my hope and was afraid of loneliness, fear was with me. I ate and drank nothing for many days. So, I decided to take a break from home. Several days ago, I was feeling afraid of loneliness and myself. On 10 August, my tests were near I had a premonition that my marks on tests were few. That truly happened only in one subject which was good marks. It was happening because I was getting insane I had a feeling that I had to kill myself and do a suicide jump in our house water tank I was feeling furious at myself.
"You've done nothing good work in real life you have to improve yourself," I said to myself.
My mother was stressed about me. I played a game about a murder mystery I feel upset " If I could not play that could not happen to me" I said to myself.
My soul was walking around the depth areas of water tanks, rivers seas and underwater etc. My willingness in life and my wishes were dead I wanted to go very far in fields and mountains. I had a feeling that I wanted to die...I wanted to die.....somewhere.
But I couldn't I had to live and do something in life but when I think about the future I feel so overwhelmed.
The negativity was increasing in me...So I wrote my negativity on paper with a pen and I tear them into pieces and burned them into ashes.
On 12 August, my brother went to Delhi alone abroad to study work I cried a lot I feel that I was getting childish. On the next day, I had no wish to go to school because my School's Geography teacher was very arrogant. And of my all teachers had no sense of how to speak with students? My Sociology teacher and girls too. On that day we went to Granny, it was a holiday because of Rakshabandhan's" The Bond of protection". We brought Rakhi and my mother made a Sweet "Appe" for my Grandfather and my uncle( my mother's brother). We did enjoy ourselves a lot. It was a memorable day, my aunt clicked photos. My maternal grandmother's house had a pendulum clock when I was eleven years old there was a bird clock. Every hour bird comes from there and chirrups it was an alarm for us those were memorable days. On 13 August I feel sick I had mental stress we went to the doctor and he gave a medicine I had a lack of sleep.18 August we went to Bathinda because I needed a holiday from school and home and studies I didn't eat anything we slept in our village for 3 days on 15 August. We went to Bathinda on 18 August and I wrote positive thoughts and a diary, we were on Train 'The Train Journey' and returned on 19 August. On 21 August my class tests started. I ate sleeping pills, my arrogant principal mam scolded my mother and me to take sleeping pills. She refused to give me medicines. She said," They mixed chemicals," she said. I thought I had a lack of sleep at least I can take medicines to sleep I said to my mother I'll never come here and my mother. On 26 August my tests ended and on 27 August we live peacefully in the village and ran in the fields during the sunset the sky was orange. I returned from the fields before sunset. I was very tired my legs and feet were pained for four days. On 6 September I gave the Teachers gifts, and they were happy with me on September I gave them to my remaining teacher but only my last teacher remained I did not give them because one girl said that they will not take gifts.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because they always focus on teaching" she answered.
So, I did not give a gift to the last teacher on 8 August. So the two girls again asked who was wearing golden spectacles and asked," Did you give a gift to a teacher?" she asked in an arrogant tone.
"Maybe no, she was scared of the teacher." she joked to me
I thought you refused to give me a gift I feel upset.

On 10 August the teacher said that they will give gifts to my brother who got a visa to study with my Grandparents and my village's nearest aunt sobbed due to the happiness my mother gave sweets to her. My mother and my cousin Harry were crying due to happiness. Because at last my brother's dream finally comes true to study abroad. My American uncle ( my father's elder brother) gave him a box of sweets and said your grandson is going abroad to study
tears were coming from his eyes due to happiness. My mother said to him" his dream come true after so many years" she smiled at grandpa.
"Yes," my grandpa cried due to happiness.
I hugged my grandmother and she gave me a tight hug. We said goodbye to them and returned to our home.
Thanks, Writco for supporting me and my friends and my family.


© Windy day.