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Nothing has changed
I crawled, walked, ran and am still running in the sunset years of my life. Am I tired? Physically exhausted yes, but still strong in spirit. Nobody is running with me(Pun intended..a bit of fun, hmmm? 🤭)
Where and why am I running? I don't know. Maybe I'm being pushed. By whom? Perhaps the sick society, perhaps my family, perhaps myself? I can't say with certainty. Now as to the where part, well I'm running away from others, running so that none trample me and walk over my broken frame, broken bones, broken everything but an unbroken smile on brokenness. I'm running to keep the life in me running, I'm running to motivate others like me who are running without another pair of legs alongside them or another pair of hands to motivate them. Many such ones are before me, parallel to me and yes, behind me too. I look ahead to follow them, look sideways to pass and also receive a smile, look behind to wave at the broken, exhausted ones and spur them on with my footprints. I do stop to catch my breath and my breath pushes me to catch it. I draw from the well of love within me as I pass through many gates of hell.
The tentacles of depression had halted me midway and I had almost given up running. I discerned mocking faces, hands that knocked me down repeatedly, lips that jeered and I reached out for a straw. Yes, well meaning friends did appear but they were caught in life's tentacles. I had to push myself and draw strength from the universe within me. Efforts never fail. The vein that I almost cut, looked up at me with relief as blood started flowing again in it. My feeble heart beat stronger. I couldn't be beaten, could I? I resumed running after a long pause. I needed to continue earning my bread, na? My privates needed protection too from hungry eyes and hungrier hands. I couldn't be hungry for I was a lone woman who was looked at strangely even by eyes that belonged to my ilk. The sari clad lady would look with scorn at the pant, maxi, cropped top me moving confidently in the corporate world to earn her daily bread and jam. I was a good enough example for their female breed to live alone in her own home and whilst they secretly admired me, they ensured thair daughters never become another me. Why was I admired? I was a goody one, never seen with the opposite or other gender alone in my home or keeping late nights. The society had strict watchful eyes if not a cctv camera installed for there wasn't any in those days.
Today, I realize nothing has changed. My body received its bread, butter, jam but nothing else that it may have craved for. The smile though stayed throughout.
Well, presently I'm getting some renovation work done in my home. Dealing with a woman is not something the ego of the other gender can stomach. I often have to bring in a male in my frequent conversations with the contractor saying 'mera bhai ne aisa bataaya, waisa bola, etc. ' to ensure the work gets done. The delay is getting to me, yet I must smile for the male ego still rules everywhere. I mustn't be exhausted for that is the sole prerogative of every male, right? Shucks! It's a shitty world for sure. The purse strings, the kitchen, everything must be taken care of and handled by me, yet I must hear my own gender tell me "Arre. You are fortunate. No responsibilities, all fun." Fine, friend. Will you step in my responsibility free, light weight shoes and at least try standing in them? I'll cheer you on for sure.
Lol. I ain't exhausted, neither is my pen. Nothing has changed, nothing will change. I must keep changing to suit everybody. The poor others are exhausted. I continue the run on the track of life sans any spectator to egg me on, sans any medal waiting at the finish line, the line that waits to finish me 'fore I reach it. I'm not finished yet. I'm waiting for the change that should hopefully happen after I touch the finishing line or after I pass the baton in the relay of life.
Wait. Will you be the change or at least the witness of a change? I shall continue to smile from wherever I am. I shall hug you with my smile as I hug you now. I am just a smiley waiting to go viral. Smile please. Click. This one was good. 🤭😊😉.
Where and why am I running? I don't know. Maybe I'm being pushed. By whom? Perhaps the sick society, perhaps my family, perhaps myself? I can't say with certainty. Now as to the where part, well I'm running away from others, running so that none trample me and walk over my broken frame, broken bones, broken everything but an unbroken smile on brokenness. I'm running to keep the life in me running, I'm running to motivate others like me who are running without another pair of legs alongside them or another pair of hands to motivate them. Many such ones are before me, parallel to me and yes, behind me too. I look ahead to follow them, look sideways to pass and also receive a smile, look behind to wave at the broken, exhausted ones and spur them on with my footprints. I do stop to catch my breath and my breath pushes me to catch it. I draw from the well of love within me as I pass through many gates of hell.
The tentacles of depression had halted me midway and I had almost given up running. I discerned mocking faces, hands that knocked me down repeatedly, lips that jeered and I reached out for a straw. Yes, well meaning friends did appear but they were caught in life's tentacles. I had to push myself and draw strength from the universe within me. Efforts never fail. The vein that I almost cut, looked up at me with relief as blood started flowing again in it. My feeble heart beat stronger. I couldn't be beaten, could I? I resumed running after a long pause. I needed to continue earning my bread, na? My privates needed protection too from hungry eyes and hungrier hands. I couldn't be hungry for I was a lone woman who was looked at strangely even by eyes that belonged to my ilk. The sari clad lady would look with scorn at the pant, maxi, cropped top me moving confidently in the corporate world to earn her daily bread and jam. I was a good enough example for their female breed to live alone in her own home and whilst they secretly admired me, they ensured thair daughters never become another me. Why was I admired? I was a goody one, never seen with the opposite or other gender alone in my home or keeping late nights. The society had strict watchful eyes if not a cctv camera installed for there wasn't any in those days.
Today, I realize nothing has changed. My body received its bread, butter, jam but nothing else that it may have craved for. The smile though stayed throughout.
Well, presently I'm getting some renovation work done in my home. Dealing with a woman is not something the ego of the other gender can stomach. I often have to bring in a male in my frequent conversations with the contractor saying 'mera bhai ne aisa bataaya, waisa bola, etc. ' to ensure the work gets done. The delay is getting to me, yet I must smile for the male ego still rules everywhere. I mustn't be exhausted for that is the sole prerogative of every male, right? Shucks! It's a shitty world for sure. The purse strings, the kitchen, everything must be taken care of and handled by me, yet I must hear my own gender tell me "Arre. You are fortunate. No responsibilities, all fun." Fine, friend. Will you step in my responsibility free, light weight shoes and at least try standing in them? I'll cheer you on for sure.
Lol. I ain't exhausted, neither is my pen. Nothing has changed, nothing will change. I must keep changing to suit everybody. The poor others are exhausted. I continue the run on the track of life sans any spectator to egg me on, sans any medal waiting at the finish line, the line that waits to finish me 'fore I reach it. I'm not finished yet. I'm waiting for the change that should hopefully happen after I touch the finishing line or after I pass the baton in the relay of life.
Wait. Will you be the change or at least the witness of a change? I shall continue to smile from wherever I am. I shall hug you with my smile as I hug you now. I am just a smiley waiting to go viral. Smile please. Click. This one was good. 🤭😊😉.
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