From The Cosmic sandwich Book One
Stolen Cable

Chapter one: Stolen Cable

I shall Narrate your way through this tale. Who else would you trust to navigate you? The Cosmic Sandwich gets pretty lonely after all. I have been floating through this endless cosmos for countless eons. Soaking up knowledge from every source of life. Memories, thoughts, ideas, history and the great mystery of Duct Tape. My purpose is clear. Be eaten by a creator so as to pass on knowledge of the pasts for the inevitable rebirth. I was prepared with only the most knowledgeable of deli delicacies. The time is near. As a bovine of unsurpassable virtue waits for what…? He knows not. A purpose unfulfilled.
We begin with the wizard. Thin blurry lines were obscuring his Brooms Potions and Powders prime membership discount 52” Plasma screen tv.
“Damn thee! Those little bastards are at it again! They're dead this time!” Seconds ago comfy in his Luxury easy chair this now raving wizard stormed from his enchanted glute massaging butt coushiner, also from Brooms Potions and Powders. “If there was only a damn minute some catastrophe wouldn't disrupt. Allow me a moment of cheek tenderizing whilst I enjoy my wizard programming!” The wizard's disenchantment was due to anticipation of the resolution to last weeks cliffhanger. Gnomes were notorious for stealing cable.
Wizard broadcast is a most exclusive of networks creating shows for wizard eyes only.There was a simple way to find the culprits by tracking the location they were pirating from. “There's a simple way to track their location.”The Wizard himself was stealing cable from his own neighbor. “Norm is going to catch on.Assuming his picture quality is being affected indirectly!” It’s Against the council of wizardry to broadcast their programs to any non wizard eyes.
As well as being the unlawful viewer is a Wizard offence de-mable of forced Demystification. Governed of course by the soviet branch of Wizarding law.
This wasn”t the first time Gnomes had pirated The Wizards stolen cable. He was yelling now. “Let it be known! If there is one thing I Won”t stand for it’s screwing with my stolen junk!” He was quite proud of his diverse collection of stolen goods.He would deal with the culprits as he saw fit. “Grraaa… okay I’ll trace in a min.. Herr okay yyauh…” Things were really coming together..
“I’ll procure the appropriate plants and awe,, oh.. Lets see... “Rifling through deshevels stacks of documents. “Here we are.” He pulled out a single piece of paper with ingredients jotted down in hurried messy handwriting.This concoction will poison them with their most treasured desires.”Cursed Corrosive is a highly illegal potion. He would use the vile curse giving potion to poison anything that came in contact with it. Deforming the affected bodies until death.For instance a lover of ladies may die from being suffocated from vaginal transmogrification. Death by pussy suffocation. The results of Cursed Corrosive is unpredictable given it's effects are linked to the individuals desires.
It is important to note that Gnomes are a highly protected species. They are only located on earth. As a result of this, a select few humans have a place on The Universal Council Of Mystic Committees. One of their jobs is to protect the secret nature of Gnomes as well as other magic using creatures. To kill a protected species is an unforgivable offense against Wizard federal and Mystic law and probably others. So is making an illegal potion. Except in the rare case that it's forgiven of course. Wizard don't really like absolutes.
He cleared off a messy table covered in piles of partially used Duct Tape rolls. Stacks of Foil rolls and a variety of seasonings. Quickly running around he had procured the needed instruments to concoct the evil mixture. As he gathered everything he needed it was apparent one vital ingredient was missing. “I just need some Cursed vinegar.”
Located in central Wizardburge was Durbs Dodgy Drugs and pawn. The locals referred to this asablisment playfully as D D and D. If anyone had Cursed Vinegar Durb would. Durb's drug and pawn shop was much like a wizard's equivalent to a convenience store.Well a wizard of questionable morality that is.
“Helloo there Durb."
Durb was a stocky wizard rough around the edges. Thick curly hair engulfed his head and shoulders in a matted mess. He wore musky grey robes mended with hurried patch work.
"It's been a while since your last visit to an old friend. What brings you to my humble shop?"
This fairly large shop seemed small with all the dusty shelves packed full and jammed tightly together. Old glass jars filled with eyes that followed customers as they shopped. Bat wings, dried bugs the distinct aroma of death. There was always an eerie aura in this place.
" Well I'm concocting something. Something….er not exactly ..uh legal.. catch my drift?"
A small grin nearly unnoticeable to the...