(T/W 18+)



I spent my entire life walking on glass
While everyone around me walked
With steel toe boots.
I remember how my brother
Would point and laugh,
“Look, she’s limping.
She’s walking funny for attention.”
How my mother would shush him,
But giggle alongside him.
My feet bled.
It hurt.
Shards of glass always poking at just the wrong way.
I’d limp,
I’d fall,
My hands would bleed, too

Eventually,
I wished I had something else to blame this pain on.
A chronic illness
Where my mother would weep for me.
Would I feel loved then?
Would I be enough then?

But now, I don’t feel numb.
My feet still bleed,
Everywhere bleeds.
But nobody can see it.
Sometimes,
I might forget about the blood.
I’ll laugh and have fun,
Have a night out.
And in those moments,
Maybe I did have steel toed boots on.

Now I don’t.
I’ve picked up the biggest glass shard,
Sharpening it to a fine point.
I’ve aimed it at my chest.

“This is my last time I’ll see this place,”
I think to myself.
And sadness does wash over me
For a moment.

I know this attempt isn’t like the rest,
I’m not panicked,
Nor am I ill.
Instead,
I’m just…
Sad.

Crying doesn’t appease this sadness.

Nothing does.

I don’t know what comes after death,
But sometimes,
Sometimes I feel brave enough
To stare death in the eyes.
“I’m coming for you.”
I’d tell him.

“I’m waiting.” He’d say and smile sweetly.
Is this what I’ve been longing for?

I wonder
When I die
If the coroner would show my mother
My bloody feet
Imbued with glass and scars
I wonder if she’d cry then
Or if she’d have no choice but to cry.

So this is my goodbye.

© aura.wrote