It was somewhere around midnight I went to the bar where I knew she was coming, already drunk, to see her in hopes that something would change but what I saw changed me in ways I couldn't even imagine, I sat in my favorite seat until the bar and I started drinking, the moment I finished my drink, she came in smiling and happy as if nothing had happened, as if we broke up a few days ago, I thought to myself she must be acting knowing I'm here, I was broken but I tried to be smiling, after a few minutes a man entered who I knew him well, and а man I had told her to stay away from him, they were sitting opposite the bar and I saw their kisses and their closeness the smiles on their faces but I tried to keep my composure, I remember asking a waiter I knew well for sunglasses and a bottle of whiskey and I went outside, I called the only person I trusted my best friend and to this day I remember the words: I'M GOING TO DIE, IT HURTS, IT'S HARD, after that I dropped my phone on the ground when I bent down to pick it up and I fell behind some barrels hidden where no one could see me, I couldn't speak, I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe, it wasn't me, the man who broke and defeated those much stronger than himself, the man who was said to have no heart, to be cold and without feelings, I gathered myself for a moment and wrote the message where I was, I took out and lit a joint and drank from the whiskey, those 15-20 minutes in total agony I wasn't even able to make a line to snort but I was taking whole lumps at once, the man who knew the doses very well, who knew his limits knew nothing anymore, he just wanted the pain to stop... those minutes passed like that then I heard screeching tires and a crash, for a moment I laughed, I don't know if I was already too drugged and drunk or I laughed that there was someone to collect the garbage so that people wouldn't see it, my friend picked me up quickly and before we left, he just asked me: what happened? I just kept repeating, Just not here, drive away from here.... faster, I wish I wasn't here anymore, there were already people outside, and I know she said hello to him and looked at us with a smile, in the car I lit up another joint and drank, I know that several times my friend threw away the joint I was lighting, but I quickly took out another one, the same was the case with the bag of cocaine.... his words were: Your heart, don't overdo it, you will overdose, you will die, I looked at him and smiled and I said: I'm already dead...

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