Biden ordered us to get out of Afghanistan, and against his word; The Taliban succeeded a takeover in the course of a weekend. Now, people like Tucker Carlson, Lauren Boebert, Nicholas Fuentes' "Maybe we were fighting on the wrong side for 20 years." quote and the like. Now, I fear for the future. The lives lost, the struggles of many Veterans like myself who live day to day with guilt they can't help, and can't find the guidance to understand. The innocent civilians taken from husbands, wives, children and siblings. All because both sides believed in what they fought.

I'm not condoning the acts of the Taliban in any way; in fact, they were the first reason I swore to join the military. I saw people like them as my worst nemesis. When I swore to defend the Constitution, I swore to defend what I believed the constitution to be. I felt that being descended from a land of immigrants, those rights were expected to be given to EVERYONE EQUALLY. I believed EVERYONE should be given a chance, EVERYONE should be able to defend themselves in their time of desperation. The only time I felt it necessary to take a life, is to protect more. I try to hold onto that. I hoped to find like minded people who believed as I did, and propel the world forward for everyone.

So when I take a look around and see a virus running rampant, people turning increasingly apathetic, demanding the erasure of lives of people simply trying to live in peace... I can't decide if I failed, or if I've been lied to.

My memory isn't what it is, I will probably repeat and rephrase things a lot. I will probably lose my train of thought and jump around like a frantic, broken record. But when I see the state of division, cynicism, selfishness, egotism in many of those I once called fellow countrymen; are telling me to move on, to accept it. Some of my own therapists are telling me that I care too much, and that I can't change anyone. I could go on about my thoughts there, but many of the examples elude me... But simply put; I'm being told to have empathy and think for others, and when I need basic human contact, I'm shunned, when I find myself in need of validation, I'm called selfish. I'm told to have empathy for others, when it feels like no one else has any, or is expected to have any because "Everyone else does."

Everyone else does. Pressure is a funny thing, isn't it? You can pressure one to do something negative, but you can likewise pressure someone to do something positive. Pass a law to enable recycling, providing incentive to those who recycle while issuing fines to those who refuse. Pass a law to force money earned on anything "Based on a true story" to be donated as proceeds to a noble and reputable cause such as cancer research, or funding affordable or even universal healthcare for those who can't afford that? Or something that can put someone through college? or improve their schools, their basic human needs. Why is no one speaking out? why is it that the few who want to are snuffed out simply because they don't understand how?

I presented just a couple ideas. I would love to go on; but this is about my thoughts on the retreat.

I want to believe the Taliban was truly responsible for 9/11. And that the US simply let it happen as opposed to directly causing it. Because that would leave me to believe that there is still a CHANCE to make good on the promise I made to those who died that day. Be it by sword, or preferably the pen.

Change doesn't happen if no one tries. I can scream my worries until I'm blue in the face, but until others take a look inside and REALLY consider the possibility that they are in fact part of the problem, then MAYBE we will have a chance at moving onto a better society.

I'm tired of the fighting, I'm tired of the bickering. I'm tired of seeing people die completely unavoidable deaths. I'm tired of being told that feeling this way is wrong. I'm tired of living lie, after lie.

People are preaching solutions, no one who is able is acting. At least by writing, I can get my feelings out there. Hopefully SOMEONE won't just read this, but they'll show it to a friend in need. They will try to help someone dealing with mental struggles. They will help someone dealing with addiction. Hopefully we can band together with our collective voices and say ENOUGH. History is repeating itself, and we are blind to it. We have lost Vietnam in the middle east in the new millennia. We have become the very thing we swore to destroy. We have grown to trounce our allies and stomp on those who don't believe the same as us. We've spent a hysterically disproportionate amount of money on our military to continue what we did in Afghanistan, in Iraq. We are tormenting people at the border who are just looking for a better life as was promised by our founding fathers and the corporations that led us to believe we were striving for the American Dream.

We are nothing but hypocrites. Many of us unwittingly, others knowing damn good and well what we're doing. If I have to pull at heartstrings and manipulate people into caring enough to actually take action to the REAL issues of our society, by fucking god I'm going to milk everything I experienced for what it's worth. Even if I lose my own freedom in the end; all I care about is that other people can live free. That's what I prepared my whole life for, and god damn it, I intend to hold that true until my dying breath.

Call it selfish, call it manipulative, call it egotistical, even. I don't care anymore. In the end, pass whatever judgement you want. I can rest easy knowing I held to my ideals in the end. I can voice my thoughts, express myself despite my fears of being silenced. Now I know I can find people to hear me. I just need people to listen.

We are killing ourselves. Older generations are sending mine off to die in wars in lands we don't know, far away from our families with the belief that those we left behind are going to live on a good and happy life, and that future generations may have a chance for something brighter. While those of us who are left behind see their sacrifice go in vain.

I heard in a YouTube Video that mental disorder tends to strike when your perceptions on life are challenged. I think it was the Mickey Vietnam one; I don't remember... I know I'm not alone in this. We may not be able to do anything in the way of funding, but we have a voice to force the unwilling to do the right thing. We just haven't figured out the way use it.

I may not believe in a god, but I am starting to accept that sometimes things do happen for a reason. It may not always be the reason we think or want. But a reason still. it's up to us to take the initiative to do what we humanly can about it. Be it as little as tossing a little money, to speaking out about an injustice, passing a law to encourage morality, while rehabilitating what is considered the wicked.

Only then, we might have a slim chance of no longer repeating our mistakes. There may come a time I will be no longer alive. Be it by my own hand, be it not. I want to know I tried my best to bring people together instead of staying the silent majority. I want to know I tried to give the belittled, the downtrodden, the misunderstood. I want to know that whomever took my life doesn't really have humanity's best interests at heart, only proving my point of intentionally keeping us behind, or that I know proper consideration was taken into my words, and proper judgement was passed. All I ask is to remember the fallen. Try to move on and build a better world they hoped to leave behind for you. So that the generations of the future can look to us with pride, hope.

If my death is by other means, I have lived my time on this earth. I have made great experiences, I've made my terrible mistakes. I may not consider it the best life, but it's my life. That is something I can accept, that is something I can come to terms with. I refuse to believe that I cannot save a single life.

In summary and extension; I'm glad we pulled out. I'm disgusted to see the takeover happen so quickly and the increasing far right-wing support for the guys I was told my whole life were foreign enemies of the constitution? No, they are domestic threats and need to be dealt with accordingly, but no one able is willing to do so. Why?

Personally, I would say go back, fight the Taliban back as assistance; not an occupying force. Once the gunsmoke settles, we start making reparations. We clear out our stuff, pull out WHEN WE'RE SUPPOSED TO, and leave everything else to the afghani people and the allies of THEIR choices. It's their society, we destroyed it. We owe it to them to pay for the damages, we owe it to them to rebuild and heal with help that isn't forced.

Though I don't blame anyone for not wanting us back. I don't blame people for vilifying us. We acted an idiot with the world as our stage, not just with the war, but with our handling of the pandemic. Our constant bickering about Cuomo.

Enemies of humanity are no longer in the shadows. They are in the open, and we're just watching. If we continue to idle; We will bring about Ragnarok. Be it that climate change gets too far and we burn out our permafrost, or that the concepts of good and evil continue to cloud people's judgement, or otherwise. This isn't a defeat just for Biden, this isn't a defeat for The US, this is a defeat for the world over. The United States simply spearheaded the downfall and all the higher ups did was pull wool over our eyes or pull the strings.

I was always told to be the change that others needed. Well; for better or worse, here I am. Like my last vent, I am copyrighting my experiences so that if you're not in need of the money, you don't see a dime of it. More than 30k in your other overall income and you're sending it to charity. Make your own money on your own experiences, charlatan. Leave the content for us to be for healing and self reflection.

All this war taught me was two things; Good people often die a young hero, or they live to become the misunderstood villain.

© Levi McPhee