She stood there water dripping from her hair with a towel barely covering the body of what she once thought was beautiful. Her skin was pale as the reflection in the mirror stared back at her reminding her of what she had now become. She remembered the confidence and life that once filled her body as a tear fell to the floor. Now just a lifeless body with a damaged soul and a million unanswered question's she looked starved for a way out. A way out of the reality she had found herself in, a way out of the world and the life she now drifted through and a way out of the pain she felt so damn isolated by. Besides what is the point of having to drag around bones when you are already dead anyway just because your heart refuses to stop beating. It was a fact she had become friend's with her with the girl she once was and she knew there was only one way to take it all away, (Death). Once upon a time she just didn't believe in suicide or well thought it to be a selfish act but today was a different story and she understood the pain of losing who you are and how emptiness could fill the body with a weight of dread. The past six years had brought so much heartache mostly at the hand's of those she loved and she thought loved her. And anyone close to her that she had trusted was dead.. Her best friend at only 42 and the cousin who was more like a sister only 29. Six to be exact and the only ones she had ever been able to depend on. Growing up she had been told not to talk to strangers and how dangerous it can be or to be aware and cautious around those she just didn't know always watching the surroundings but nobody ever taught or prepared her that the man she would fall in love with would try to kill her one day and the uncle she adored so much growing up would rape her tearing her world apart just a little more, no the fact was no stranger had ever hurt her and maybe it was just luck considering all of the car rides she had given to those walking even at night or let into her home to use a telephone but none of those people had never done her any harm. And of course as always the demon's inside of her wanted to play and all she could here was the word's of the man who changed everything about her life, " You are a waste of space, breathing air someone else deserves." and six years later it seemed he was telling the truth. She had so many emotions with so much anger inside like a drum beating louder and louder she couldn't even hear herself think, "Stop it she screamed!" taking her fist and beating the girl who stood before her. Then silence filled the room again for it was only her there to begin with anyway. She just stood there watching the blood run down the shattered glass from the cuts on her hands wishing to evaporate into thin air. God please take me home with you she begged as tears covered her face. Feeling selfish for that knowing so many people in this world want life and are dieing everyday she told God she would trade her's for one of them and she would have if it gave another a chance to live. She thought about her mother and how she would finally be with her again and her best friend Christy who she missed more than anything, the two cousins she was so close to who died within a year apart she thought about how everything she had ever loved was gone and how much she had needed them now more than ever. A flash of the little girl she once was crossed her mind and for a moment she felt the child like innocence we are all given at birth and lose as we become thought aware. She was afraid no terrified really not of dieing but of facing God knowing how she had let him down and ashamed she had become to weak to fight on. She always thought in this moment it would be a overdose being how that just seamed the easiest less painful choice but honestly she was numb and some revelated sick part of her needed to feel before she took her last breath, and no pain could be worse than what she felt inside. She looked down at the sink and picked up the sharpest piece of glass and slumped down in front of the shower door " God please forgive me for what I'm about to do!" and begin the lord's prayer " To thy father thy kingdom come give us this day and our daily bread, please forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespasss against us, lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil in the name of the father, the son and the holy Spirit AMEN.
© LaDonna Michelle💛