HIS LAST WISH

Neil was constantly sobbing. "What happened was that I won his trust and then broke it, he never went close to anybody because he was afraid that one day people would leave him alone, I changed his that fear in reality."

"There was a function in school that day, I saw him for the first time, he performed poetry in that function and I was totally impressed with him, he was so beautiful. His face, which is now dull and weak, was the most beautiful face in the school, at that time. These eyes of him, which are now full of despair, at that time were full of hope, dreams used to fly in these eyes. I was completely impressed with him. At first I was so confused to have these feelings for a guy, but his innocence, his smile was making me crazy and I decided to swim with the flow. I wanted to make the most beautiful boy in the school mine. I started following him from school to home reciting poems to him.

Do you know Neelam, he didn't have anyone in his family, his parents died in a car accident and his brother worked in another city. He was completely alone. I never saw him talking to anyone. Maybe he didn't even have friends. He never felt love in his life, perhaps that's why he did not know the difference between fake love and real love. And he believed that my love was true. At first he didn't even look at me, but gradually he started smiling to me. One day, while following him, I proposed him through a poem-

Just looking at you makes me smile
Thinking about you pause my world for a while
Dreaming about you gives me a sleepless night
Hey boy, I love you with all my heart might

He stopped and turned to me, he slowly approached me, I could see tears in his eyes but there was no line of sorrow on his face but happiness, "Really? You love me so much?" he asked with enthusiasm.

I was prepared for this. "Yes, I really love you. I can't even breathe without you," I answered romantically.

He was smiling and blushing but tears were also losing his eyes. He thought something for a while and his smile disappeared, he quickly held my hands, his lips were shivering and i could see some fear in his eyes, "Will you leave me in future like my parents did? Will you disappear suddenly some day...., leaving me alone?" he sobs.

"Never" I was very confused. I never have proposed to anyone before but...so I don't know how to answer it but I remembered some dialogue, this was a very weird question for me but I had to answer it "I promise, i will always be next to you, if you cry, i will dry your tears, if you become sad, i will become the reason behind your smile, i will never ever leave you." by making a promise I won her heart as well as her trust. The trust, I was always ready to break. Perhaps I was the first person on whom he was trusting that he would not leave him, he would always be with heim. Do you know Neelam? He was so serious about this relationship that he only used to smile at me, never bothered me by asking why i am late. He just used to listen to me, he never joked or asked any silly questions and never became angry if I ignored his call or didn't reply to his messages, he just wanted someone who can love him, who can reduce hid loneliness. And he was thinking that I am that person.

We used to sit in a garden, I was laying on the ground with my head on his lap. He was looking at me and smiling, that was a beautiful smile which always disappears my tierdness.

Once my friend saw me laying in Aman's lap, I became so much scared what he would think by seeing me like that, what he would think that I love a boy. I followed him preparing some story to tell him. I started making some excuse, " hey, that wasn't anything like I was just... "
he didn't listen anything but said, "I know everything it wasn't my first time when I saw you with him. But did you think what would happen with you guys if anyone else saw you, what would be the future of your guys, or letl's say your family even agrees, what would the society call you, a faggots! And what patient would like to be cured by a Faggots doctor? " He puts his hand on my shoulder, "See Neil, there isn't any scope for these kind of relationship in our society, so just stop being like this and let go of these kind of feeling, go and meet girls out there and by the way, your going to city for further city so enjoy there and forget about that faggot! " he pointed to Aman who was still standing near tree waiting for me. I fell in deep thoughts, he was right, how would I face everyone in future? people wouldlaugh at me, would abuse me, would l think me disgusting, no-one would like to talk to me. No no no, I don't want these things to happen with me. He was right, I would leave Aman once I went to city. But what about Aman?


still remember once he asked me "Neil, my life is very beautiful now because I have you in my life. You made everything beautiful, I don't want to lose you. I dont want anything from my life but you. I dont want anything from you but always want you next to me. You will never leave me, will you?" It was the longest sentence i ever heard from him, and his voice was full of hope.
I was a bit confused what I should reply? but I said: "Never, can a heart leave beating? I will leave breathing before leaving you." He put his hand on my mouth, "Dont say that Neil." He became silent, his eyes were wet but he smiled lightly and kept looking at me like that. His face was telling that he was satisfied with his life, he was super happy and this happiness was making him more beautiful.

But I knew that I was a liar. I know that I have to go to another city if I want to be a doctor. But I didn't want to hurt him or maybe I was scared to face him too.

When I passed the 12th with good marks, my mark sheet was in my hands, I wanted to be super happy but there was something that was bothering me. I had to go to another city for further studies. I was too scared to tell him,
That noon was the last time when I was about to meet Aman and tell him about my departure to other city.
It was late April, the sun was in its full form and sunlight had decided to burn everyone's skin. But this is not what was bothering me, I was standing below the tree in our regular garden alone, I don't remember if anyone was there in the garden. I was thinking what I should say to Aman, how to tell him, how to face him. Suddenly I saw him coming to me wearing school uniform, he was looking so happy as his marksheet was in his hands. Those blue eyes were drowning in the ocean of happiness, lips were grinning ear to ear and feet weren't touching ground. He ran to me and suddenly hug me, "Neel, I got 85 percent, I can't believe it! " and he started speaking, it was my time to listen him all, I don't want him to stop, he was super happy and that's why he kept talking, I was listening him smiling. when he was about to go, I held his wrist, "Aman, I have something to tell you"
he was about to turn to me but I suddenly said, "don't turn to me, keep looking out there "
He did do, I filled air in my lungs, closed my eyes, "Aman, I have to go away for further studies. "
He suddenly turned to me, his face was pale, his hands loosened to make mark sheet fall on the ground, that ocean of his eyes started coming out.
But he didn't say anything not even say "Where is your promise, you made a promise to me, didn't you? " or "Don't go, Neil, I will be completely alone"

H just asked a stupid question "Neil, you will not forget me, will you?" and looked at me with his big innocent eyes. I said "I will forget myself if I forget you" He trusted me this time too. Why was he so good? Why did he trust me so much? I was a stone-hearted, breaking hid trust every time.

At first I used to pick up hid phone, but later on, meeting the new people in this new city, I stopped picking up his phone calls as I don't want to be a faggot. I stopped replying to him. I was hurting him but myself too but I was too scared for my future, I was so selfish that time. I started meeting beautiful girls here according to that advice but I never felt the same, I never felt that happiness that j used to feel with Aman, that comfort that I used to feel in his lap, never saw that freshening smile that used to lay on his face.

But he continued messaging "Alright, you might be studying, please message me once when you are done with study," but I didn't reply. He used to message, call but I was cruel enough not to reply hum

Do you know Neelam, he never said bad things in messages, he never used any abusive words or called me a cheater. Slowly he stopped calling and messaging, I remember, his last message was "Are you mad at me, did I make any mistake? If you don't wanna talk to me, it's okay but please call me for once, call me for last time. I really wanna hear your voice, I think, I will die if I don't hear you. Don't call after this, but call one last time. I promise, i will never ever call you again if you dont want me to call you.
I don't know what happened to you, I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know what you are thinking, I just know how much I love you, but remember it, no matter what happens, I will be always here waiting for you!" but I didn't have the guts to call him, what if he asked why didn't you call me, what if he asked the reason why I was not replying to his message. After this, he never messaged or called. I became a doctor and married you. Now, after 8 years, I met him again, but in this condition"
Neil is crying bitterely, "I wanted to repent of my mistake but he didn't have....." he became silent and kept crying. Neelam's eyes were wet, he just hugged him. Neil kept crying for a while.

Then the doctors came out of the room

"How is Aman, what is his condition now?"

The doctors didn't reply, "How is he?" he shouted.

Suddenly he heard a voice"Neil..." it was Aman's voice, Aman was calling him as he used to call him 8 years ago. He ran to the room, pushed the door to open, he saw Aman sorrounded by big machines, his face was covered by oxygen mask, pipes. How shrink Aman was looking before these machines. Where did these things come from, in his life? Where has I made him stand?
Aman was looking at Neil, Neil was standing at the door like a statue.
Aman gestured him to go close to him. Neil suddenly ran and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around Aman

"Please don't leave me, Aman ...Do...Don't take revenge for my mistake like this...., don't go away from me...Please stay with me forever, please Aman, please don't leave me please.!" he started taking hiccups, he was sobbing badly, his sentence were cutting.

Aman puts his hand on Neil's cheeks taking his face between his hands and looks at Neil's eyes "Neil. I love you. I...I really love you" And Aman's hands got loosen, and fell down,... he was smiling as if he got something what he wanted to get for so long. He achieved something what he waited for so long. His eyes were still open and didn't want to stop looking the view that they were looking.

"Aman, you can't do this, you can't go. Please get up" Neil hugs him tightly, "Aman please get up, this time I am truly promise, I won't leave you, please get up Aman... Please get up."

Neelam's eyes were also wet by seeing the end of that divine idol who was the symbol of true love, the boy who determined his heart only for a single person and then never ever let entered any other step inside that heart.
He couldn't see that view anymore and turned towards the wall he suddenly noticed a diary lying in table aside and its last page was open.

I don't have so many wishes but a few
At my last time, I want to meet you
Perhaps, I would be scared of leaving you
I want to see your face for the last time
I want my tears to be wiped
I want to tell how much I missed you
That time I would tell, I still love you


It was Aman's last wish, it was the reason why he came here. In her last time, he wanted to see his first and last love. His last wish was fulfilled, Neil was with him and he told him that he still loves him. Neil hugging him and crying but this time Aman was going away from him, far away...

Aman taught Neil that someone's fake love can ruin other's life completely. Maybe that time, he was faking for fun but sometimes, for the other person that fake fun becomes his entire life.


© Iris-hope