Had written this 7 years back...
Man! My hands are forgetting how to write...

Written on date: 20/09/2013

I’m afraid of never fully turning into the person that destiny had in store for me. I’m afraid of letting weaknesses control me and keep me stuck in a cycle of endless repetition. I’m afraid of becoming too comfortable in my place and realizing there was a lot more I could have done, while I had the time. I’m afraid of being sucked into the system — living on credit, succumbing to wage slavery, having a wife and two kids only because everyone else does, the dread of commonplace life.

I’m afraid of never being able to make any significant difference to anyone’s life other than my own. I’m afraid of drowning out in a sea of no names and no faces, and burning out at the end without leaving a mark. I’m afraid of eventually buying into what society thinks is right for me and my happiness — getting the “right” education, being a “good” citizen, running around for the better part of my life being preoccupied with things such as making money and gaining influence to find out in the end that that’s not what life is about.

I’m afraid of not being able to figure out what life is really about — that one all-important thing — what is it? Is it happiness? Is it success? Is it love? Is it power? Is it control? Is it none of those things? I’m afraid of being kept suitably sedated inside a bubble of trivial entertainment and mindless consumerism and missing the plot. I’m afraid of growing up and forgetting to question things.

I’m afraid, most of all, of waking up one day, brushing my teeth, dashing out for the 9-to-6, paying my taxes, living a life that actually seems as normal as anything, but inside, I’ve either failed to discover or forgotten who I am and why I’m here in the first place.
I’m afraid I’ll become one of them. (No more.)

#anirwanchandradutta
#by_devils_pen

© Trance Rudra