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The bird in the cage
I was once told a story of a golden bird that lived in a cage without bars. Every day, it sat on the floor and stared at the sky as if it was contemplating its freedom and the limitless possibilities that lay beyond. This cage was once ornated with the rarest gems known to men and embroidered with mesmerizing images of angels and female deities. Once it had gold bars. Her freedom was just wingspread away but she never spread her wings.
I never truly understood the story until I met a bird name Simmi. Playful smile, curious eyes, and a cute little nose adorned with a nose pin.
If she had not been the girlfriend of my roommate, I would have fallen for her in our very first meeting.
When it comes to relationships, I have never been fortunate. I somehow lack the attraction required to be more than friends.
Anyways, they had been together for 4 years. At the first glance, they seemed like a normal in love, happy couple but the more time I spent with them the more I could see how misleading outlooks can be.
I admired her devotion to him and loathed his treatment of her. I saw them fighting over small and dire things. The only difference was that she fought for him and he fought with her. As the time moved further so did the intensity and frequency of their fights. There came a time when the intensity of these fights reached the point of physical abuse. Every time he hit her and she left with a bruise or a cut, every time I had to shield her to prevent serious injury, I hoped, I prayed to God that she would not come back but every time my prayers were unheard.
Praying and hoping was all I could do as I could be nothing more than a silent observer. Speaking against my roommate could have put in hot water with him. There were times though, I thought to act and break the silent observer code but all the time she came back to him after little to no convincing led me to decide against it.
You can't help those who don't want to be helped but it doesn't stop you from being bothered. Every time I saw her eyes teared up or her cheeks swollen, it bothered me. It bothered me because I might have had a crush on her or just simply because my roommate had something so wonderful that I could never have but instead of cherishing it, understanding, and embracing it, he was neglectful as if it (relationship) or she meant nothing and the worst part was that it could be true. He had something, something that attracted women and not just any women the right women so he may have not cared for her as much as she cared for him.
As time passed, things changed but not for good, for worse. The physical abuse had transformed into verbal abuse. Humiliation had become the new normal for her. She endured everything and cried even at times but carried her love on for him. Never had I seen any waiver in her feelings for him. From the outside, they remained the same loving couple but from the inside, they were one toxic bunch. I despised her for being too clingy and yet I was awestruck by her ability to rebuild herself from the scratch.
There came a time it was over for me. I couldn't stomach what she was going through anymore. Seeing her rebuild herself every time just to be broken again was overbearing.
It was a Sunday morning. I was packing my bags to move out of the apartment. I had been thinking about moving out and when I got the chance to move in with other friends, I jumped on it without a second thought.
I didn't have much to pack. Furniture came with the apartment and I came with 2 bags that had my clothes and essentials so it took me an hour or so to pack everything but I couldn't leave just then. My roommate had gone to his hometown by an early morning train for a few days and had asked me to take care of rent and a few other things. This was going to take the whole afternoon so the plan was to lay on the bed and scroll social media feeds until then.
"Tea?". she offered.
"Yaa! sure".I was so lost in the feeds that I didn't notice her coming in.
I stood up and took one of the cups from her hand.
I thanked her and tapped on the bed to make her sit there but she dragged a chair toward me and rested in.
Neither spoke a word. There had always been a weirdness between us. Every time we crossed paths, we never met our gaze. During my 18 months of stay, we never had a proper conversation. She had never moved in completely and only stayed 10 to 12 days a month so it was easy for us to avoid each other and the weirdness. Theirs wasn't the only pretend relationship as ours was too. We were also in a pretend no-relationship relationship and it was silently agreed upon by both of us. In public and for her boyfriend we were friends too but in reality, we were two people forced to live under the same roof.
"So you are moving out?", she asked exhaling nervously.
I ignored her question.
"I see u cut your hair short.", I asked noticing some changes in appearance.
She didn't answer, just looked down at her cup nervously and took a sip.
"Sorry. I shouldn't pry.", I sipped off my cup. "It's just, I think you look better with long hair." I paused for a moment. "Anyways, I AM moving out so you would have plenty of alone time with your boyfriend.", I added quickly before the complement could sink into us and chuckled to lighten the mood.
She looked up at me confused. Embarrassed! I tried to explain," I mean most of the girls look beautiful with long hair and so do you. You know you have that face that goes better with long hair." I tried to make it a casual remark but the more I tried the more it felt like a compliment so I before could dig myself more in, I stopped.
She didn't say much just forced a smile on her face and left.
Evening came and it was my time to take my leave. I picked up my bags and dragged them into the hall. I called her into the hall as well. I said my goodbyes and put the spare keys I had in her palm. I turned to leave but before I could walk out of the door she ran after me and caught my hand. I turned back to face her and for a moment we got caught in each other's eyes. We were standing just an inch apart. If she had not been in love, I swear that it would have been a moment but as luck would have it, it was something but not a moment. I wanted to wrap both my arms around her waist and kiss her lips then and there but I knew I could never cross my boundaries with her as long as she is with him. I could never ask her to cheat on him no matter how bad he was with her. Nothing justifies cheating nothing at all.
"Break it off. Let go of him. You are better without him. He doesn't deserve you. Don't let him hurt you physically and emotionally.", I told her something I couldn't before. Since I was leaving, I couldn't care less about my relationship with my roommate. I rubbed my finger on her cheek and a bit of makeup came off revealing some swelling. I couldn't look at it anymore. This was what I was going away from. I picked up my bags and walked out of that door. I walked a bit further from the door and then turned back to say something more, something that would make up her mind about leaving him in an instant only to find her watching me go. I wanted to say something but I could only think of that bird and that cage without bars. There was the bird and there it was, the cage without the bars. She could fly away at any moment and nothing or no one could hold her back but she didn't. Maybe the bird had been in love with the cage all those years. Maybe it wasn't the bars but the cage itself holding her back. She wasn't trapped in the cage but the reminiscence of their past. I knew well enough to know how that story ends so I didn't speak further.
I left wishing for this story to end differently.
+++++Part 1+++++Ends++++++here++
© summerof2000
I never truly understood the story until I met a bird name Simmi. Playful smile, curious eyes, and a cute little nose adorned with a nose pin.
If she had not been the girlfriend of my roommate, I would have fallen for her in our very first meeting.
When it comes to relationships, I have never been fortunate. I somehow lack the attraction required to be more than friends.
Anyways, they had been together for 4 years. At the first glance, they seemed like a normal in love, happy couple but the more time I spent with them the more I could see how misleading outlooks can be.
I admired her devotion to him and loathed his treatment of her. I saw them fighting over small and dire things. The only difference was that she fought for him and he fought with her. As the time moved further so did the intensity and frequency of their fights. There came a time when the intensity of these fights reached the point of physical abuse. Every time he hit her and she left with a bruise or a cut, every time I had to shield her to prevent serious injury, I hoped, I prayed to God that she would not come back but every time my prayers were unheard.
Praying and hoping was all I could do as I could be nothing more than a silent observer. Speaking against my roommate could have put in hot water with him. There were times though, I thought to act and break the silent observer code but all the time she came back to him after little to no convincing led me to decide against it.
You can't help those who don't want to be helped but it doesn't stop you from being bothered. Every time I saw her eyes teared up or her cheeks swollen, it bothered me. It bothered me because I might have had a crush on her or just simply because my roommate had something so wonderful that I could never have but instead of cherishing it, understanding, and embracing it, he was neglectful as if it (relationship) or she meant nothing and the worst part was that it could be true. He had something, something that attracted women and not just any women the right women so he may have not cared for her as much as she cared for him.
As time passed, things changed but not for good, for worse. The physical abuse had transformed into verbal abuse. Humiliation had become the new normal for her. She endured everything and cried even at times but carried her love on for him. Never had I seen any waiver in her feelings for him. From the outside, they remained the same loving couple but from the inside, they were one toxic bunch. I despised her for being too clingy and yet I was awestruck by her ability to rebuild herself from the scratch.
There came a time it was over for me. I couldn't stomach what she was going through anymore. Seeing her rebuild herself every time just to be broken again was overbearing.
It was a Sunday morning. I was packing my bags to move out of the apartment. I had been thinking about moving out and when I got the chance to move in with other friends, I jumped on it without a second thought.
I didn't have much to pack. Furniture came with the apartment and I came with 2 bags that had my clothes and essentials so it took me an hour or so to pack everything but I couldn't leave just then. My roommate had gone to his hometown by an early morning train for a few days and had asked me to take care of rent and a few other things. This was going to take the whole afternoon so the plan was to lay on the bed and scroll social media feeds until then.
"Tea?". she offered.
"Yaa! sure".I was so lost in the feeds that I didn't notice her coming in.
I stood up and took one of the cups from her hand.
I thanked her and tapped on the bed to make her sit there but she dragged a chair toward me and rested in.
Neither spoke a word. There had always been a weirdness between us. Every time we crossed paths, we never met our gaze. During my 18 months of stay, we never had a proper conversation. She had never moved in completely and only stayed 10 to 12 days a month so it was easy for us to avoid each other and the weirdness. Theirs wasn't the only pretend relationship as ours was too. We were also in a pretend no-relationship relationship and it was silently agreed upon by both of us. In public and for her boyfriend we were friends too but in reality, we were two people forced to live under the same roof.
"So you are moving out?", she asked exhaling nervously.
I ignored her question.
"I see u cut your hair short.", I asked noticing some changes in appearance.
She didn't answer, just looked down at her cup nervously and took a sip.
"Sorry. I shouldn't pry.", I sipped off my cup. "It's just, I think you look better with long hair." I paused for a moment. "Anyways, I AM moving out so you would have plenty of alone time with your boyfriend.", I added quickly before the complement could sink into us and chuckled to lighten the mood.
She looked up at me confused. Embarrassed! I tried to explain," I mean most of the girls look beautiful with long hair and so do you. You know you have that face that goes better with long hair." I tried to make it a casual remark but the more I tried the more it felt like a compliment so I before could dig myself more in, I stopped.
She didn't say much just forced a smile on her face and left.
Evening came and it was my time to take my leave. I picked up my bags and dragged them into the hall. I called her into the hall as well. I said my goodbyes and put the spare keys I had in her palm. I turned to leave but before I could walk out of the door she ran after me and caught my hand. I turned back to face her and for a moment we got caught in each other's eyes. We were standing just an inch apart. If she had not been in love, I swear that it would have been a moment but as luck would have it, it was something but not a moment. I wanted to wrap both my arms around her waist and kiss her lips then and there but I knew I could never cross my boundaries with her as long as she is with him. I could never ask her to cheat on him no matter how bad he was with her. Nothing justifies cheating nothing at all.
"Break it off. Let go of him. You are better without him. He doesn't deserve you. Don't let him hurt you physically and emotionally.", I told her something I couldn't before. Since I was leaving, I couldn't care less about my relationship with my roommate. I rubbed my finger on her cheek and a bit of makeup came off revealing some swelling. I couldn't look at it anymore. This was what I was going away from. I picked up my bags and walked out of that door. I walked a bit further from the door and then turned back to say something more, something that would make up her mind about leaving him in an instant only to find her watching me go. I wanted to say something but I could only think of that bird and that cage without bars. There was the bird and there it was, the cage without the bars. She could fly away at any moment and nothing or no one could hold her back but she didn't. Maybe the bird had been in love with the cage all those years. Maybe it wasn't the bars but the cage itself holding her back. She wasn't trapped in the cage but the reminiscence of their past. I knew well enough to know how that story ends so I didn't speak further.
I left wishing for this story to end differently.
+++++Part 1+++++Ends++++++here++
© summerof2000
