At times I felt, maybe I wasn't enough to be someone's beloved or I don't deserve to be someone's bestfriend. I questioned my self-worth and existence. There were days when my pillow was my only companion and bed felt like home. Wallowing in bed gave me comfort, compensating for the shoulders where I longed to lean my head. Nights were worst, as they brought back the rollercoaster of bittersweet memories of those bonds of love and friendship which I considered to be eternal.

I went out of my way to explain myself and hold onto those fragile bonds which only inflicted pain in my heart. I always ought to be beside them, but when it was my time, I was taken for granted. Maybe because too much love and care doesn't always work or maybe because I explained too much, keep aside my self-respect. In due course of life, I finally understood everything is mortal and has an expiry date be it humans or relationships.

People say, "Expectation hurts", but can a human exist without expectations, once expectations end, hope begins. Hope and Expectations are intrinsic part of our lives which keep us alive. I often wandered why people don't understand me? What wrong did I do?. I never got any proper answer except thinking about such things enhanced my self-guilt which also had no concrete base.

Yes I admit, I am weird, sometimes I am friendly, sometimes I am childish, sometimes I am rude due to mood-swings and somedays I like to bask in solitude.

But today I am proud to be an imperfect human with flaws. I have realised that if ever someone value me, then that person have to understand me. Its just that I won't be going any extra mile, since I have learnt to let go off people and become agile. I am in that stage of life like "Nothing Really Matters, Nothing Really Matters To Me"
© mayank varma