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The Lioness and The Lamb Chapter Four/Part five
The Lioness and The Lamb Chapter Four/ Part Five
Jyn
As my body stirs awake I find her once more curled up next to me which I can understand. So much has happened between us lately that it's like a carnival ride. The night when she lashed out still plagues me deeply and those words hit more painfully. I agreed to any condition just to stay by her side but when I got to that point everything inside became afraid. When we walked I stayed silent afraid the wrong word would separate us again. If I was still living as that created side of me things would have gone badly much faster. At some point, I had forgotten how docile and lenient my real self could be. Her feelings can not be hidden for a long time which has often been true but I wish she was a little harder on me. After all that I had done to us, I'm sure I deserve it either way yet her loneliness seems to take priority. Even though at that time I was so terrible.
While letting myself get more comfortable with her it's hard to ignore how much she's trying for more. If I could tell her that baby steps were all I knew at this point would she believe me or just laugh. I know what I liked to fit that side of me but this side has never had the chance to live and learn what intimacy would be like. Perhaps it's a good thing she agreed to learn more about me since even im still learning.
"You okay?..."
" Yeah im fine, did I wake you?"
" No, I have to go to work today... Hey Jyn, are you sure this is okay for you?"
" What do you mean?"
" Me sleeping here next to you even though I basically said one thing and did something else. Then I said so much that was unnecessary as well... I guess what im saying is that I feel guilty and pushy."
That is something most people would feel guilty about but I understand why at least. Not to mention we had a good day so far which ended well. Yet she still seeks the intimacy we once had but it's not easy for me to give it knowing that could bring the other side out.
" Is this about last night?... Everything is fine, im just learning things...
Jyn
As my body stirs awake I find her once more curled up next to me which I can understand. So much has happened between us lately that it's like a carnival ride. The night when she lashed out still plagues me deeply and those words hit more painfully. I agreed to any condition just to stay by her side but when I got to that point everything inside became afraid. When we walked I stayed silent afraid the wrong word would separate us again. If I was still living as that created side of me things would have gone badly much faster. At some point, I had forgotten how docile and lenient my real self could be. Her feelings can not be hidden for a long time which has often been true but I wish she was a little harder on me. After all that I had done to us, I'm sure I deserve it either way yet her loneliness seems to take priority. Even though at that time I was so terrible.
While letting myself get more comfortable with her it's hard to ignore how much she's trying for more. If I could tell her that baby steps were all I knew at this point would she believe me or just laugh. I know what I liked to fit that side of me but this side has never had the chance to live and learn what intimacy would be like. Perhaps it's a good thing she agreed to learn more about me since even im still learning.
"You okay?..."
" Yeah im fine, did I wake you?"
" No, I have to go to work today... Hey Jyn, are you sure this is okay for you?"
" What do you mean?"
" Me sleeping here next to you even though I basically said one thing and did something else. Then I said so much that was unnecessary as well... I guess what im saying is that I feel guilty and pushy."
That is something most people would feel guilty about but I understand why at least. Not to mention we had a good day so far which ended well. Yet she still seeks the intimacy we once had but it's not easy for me to give it knowing that could bring the other side out.
" Is this about last night?... Everything is fine, im just learning things...
