Nostalgia “a spiritual experience”

This morning my son Kristian
Tells me dad " come I got to tell you something,
While he was holding his hot chocolate in his hands
He said " dad guess what, today's make twenty years since ma died

And I was happy that he reminded me
Because I would have never known
I was never good at remembering important dates
And I completely forgot the anniversary of grandmothers passing

My son Kristian remembers everyone on the family birthdays, anniversaries, and special occasions
He is like a walking encyclopedia of knowledge and whenever we want to know something we would just ask him

So, every morning when he gets up and having his hot chocolate
before he drinks it " he would call me and said " dad guess what today is brad (Sayeed) birthday
Or he would say " today is pappi birthday and Surayya a birthday together

And he would say “dad who would think pappi and Surayya birthdays is on the same day eh dad
And he would remember every important date that is pertained to the family
And he would tell us every morning

So, this morning he told me that it was the date and anniversary of our grandmother passing
And he was just a baby when she died in 1997
And I remember when we arrived in Trinidad,

How he was crying and saying, dad
Please let’s go home. Trinidad was so strange to him
And the next-door neighbor had a white car under his house
And in the night, it looks like my tan Monti Carlo, so Kris was pointing and saying dad look your car please let’s go home

Trinidad was hot and we arrived in Ste Madeleine in the night, and there was a lot of people there for the wake
So, Kris was so very uncomfortable
With the heat and the strange crowd

And he was crying a lot so we went down to Williamsville that same night
By his mother’s childhood home
And he took a nice cold bath under the standpipe outside and he was just enjoying that bathe
He started laughing and having fun

It was the first time that he was bathing outside under a standpipe, with his mother throwing water on his head and he was just laughing and having fun
Then we powder him up with Johnson's baby powder
And put on just a jockey and a vest for him, and he was cool now and just having fun now

Then I left him there with his mother
And went back to the wake at our home in Ste Madeleine
And started helping out making coffee and crackers and sandwiches and passing it around to every table while they play cards "all fours"

I regret not talking to my grandmother
About her childhood days and her family history
I was too busy playing and liming and just never thought how important her history was to us
We only miss the well, when the well runs dry

Today, looking back, I wish I had known more about her mother and her father, her brothers and sisters, and more about her childhood days. And ask her about her meeting and falling in love with my grandfather

My grandmother was born deformed. And still, she lived her life more productive than many who were born normally
She had the biggest vegetable garden in the village
And she had chicken and ducks and goats, she was a very strong-minded woman.

So later that night I and my brothers and family members and friends
We gathered in the kitchen upstairs and started taking some drinks at the kitchen table
Catching up on the old days and just having good old Trini lime

And I knew that my grandmother spirit was there with us in the house, I can just feel her there with us
And the next day " she proved to us that she was there.
And I will explain it to you all as I continue to write this nostalgia

This was the first time, that all of the ishmael brothers were at home together with our parents at the same time since we were children
My brother Izzy and his wife Sandra left Trinidad in the early 80s
And then Chung (shazad) went to New York. followed by horse(Haffees)
Then followed by me and then Azad

So, there was five of us living in America
And then hearing this sad news that my grandmother had died, we all came home
And this is how we all were at home together for the first time since we were children

The next day was the funeral,
And the sun was out hot as usual and the trade winds were blowing, so it was just a beautiful day,
We set the chairs for people the sit during the rituals
And then my grandmother's body came and her casket was laid out on a stand and open for us to see her

Kris was a little child only 3 years and I carry him to see her body because my grandmother had never seen him in real, only in pictures and videotape, so Kris reaches out and touch her, and he said " grandma "
Then we all sit down for the various speakers and the viewing of the body and it was over and it was time to take her body in the hearse

It was the most beautiful day and then when they said that its time to take her to the cemetery
Suddenly out of nowhere it began to rain, and not just regular rain, it was a thunderstorm heavy rain with lightning and thunder and it just kept falling

And everyone who was there, at the time
Said that it was a sign from her
To let us know that she knows, that we all were there, and that she was saying goodbye
And then suddenly the rain stopped about ten minutes after
And the sun came out bright again
And we all went to the cemetery and my grandmother “Saliman Ramlal” was buried and laid to rest

now I will tell you how I know that my grandmother spirit was there,
When we were small, my grandmother's friends, a woman name Saran and her husband who lives in the Corinth settlements on the top of the 4th street, uses to spend a lot with us and having dinner and lunch by us and we use to also go by them and do the same

and every time that they would come to us, the lady would call us to come and hold the dogs so they could come into our yard.
She had a very a high pitched voice and she would say " hey gyul what you doing " come and hold the dogs " ah coming to see you “

And I or one of my brothers would go to hold the dog so they would come through the front gate
We had a Chulha “fireside “downstairs at our house
And we use to spend a lot of time there
My mother used to bake a lot in our barrel oven
And we use to like the roti better when she cooks it on the Chulha “fireside “
And most of the time when the couple comes by us we use to be downstairs to go and hold the dog for them to come

Then suddenly one day the lady husband died and she took his passing away very hard, so she uses to spend more time by our home, even sleeping a lot of nights at our home,
So, by her spending all this time at our house
Her home was empty and people notice that she was not at home most of the night

so, a man and his wife decided to go and steal whatever they can from her house and they even carry their little children with them to help carry away their belongings
in those days, family heirlooms and jewelry were mostly what people use to have, and they had a lot of sentimental value

so, when they stole everything from her, this send her over the edge, mentally
And she got very sick and depressed, and she began talking to herself and then her brother; who lived in another part of Trinidad, took her to the San Fernando general hospital and from there she was sent to St Ann’s mental hospital

We all felt sorry for her and how her life turns out to be because she was such a nice lady
And we all knew that when they steal from the house, just a few weeks after husband died, that it causes her to be in the state that she was in now

Then about 2 months after, one morning when we all were downstairs of our house and my mom was cooking us breakfast. it was me, my mother and father and grandmother and my brothers izzy " Tarzim" and Nazim" my other brother Roger (Intab) was there also, but I don't know if he can remember it

And while we were having breakfast of roti and fried tomato with saltfish,
all of a sudden, we all heard her called with her high pitch voice and said " hey gyul"
We were shocked because we knew she is sick and she is in ST. Ann’s mental hospital

So, we all look at each other and said " she came out already? We were happy that she had gotten well and was out of the hospital,
So, my grandmother called out to her and said when you come out? wait we coming to hold the dog for you to come

Then saran said " No I'm not coming, I'm going"
Then my grandmother said where are you going, wait we coming to hold the dog,
And saran said "No gyul I come to tell you I'm going"

Then they told me to go and hold the dog for her to come, so I ran out by the gate to hold the dog, and she was not there, so I ran up the second street
But I didn’t see her, I even went in the parlor up on the hill and still didn't see her,
So, I came home and said I don't see her anywhere"
My father said " that she can’t walk that fast and she must be across the street by Baity mothers house " so I went there and ask them and if she came there, they said No " she is in the hospital

So, I came back home again and told them that she is not there "
My mother said that must have gone to someone house and she will come just now, and we all started to eat breakfast of Sada roti and fried saltfish and tomato and with coffee

Then about later that morning about 3 hours after
Saran brother came to us and said how he has sad some news, and he said that saran had died last night in St Ann’s hospital

We all were in shock, we all heard her and interact with her, while she was dead, her spirit came to say goodbye to the only people that were close to her and who was there for her
My mother and grandmother told him about what happened, and he said that she would always talk about us and she loves being with us

This is all true, every word of it, you can ask my brothers Nazim and Tarzim and my mother about this that we all experience that morning
And because of this experience that we were a part of, we all knew that the rain, on the day of my grandmother’s funeral, was my grandmother's way of saying she knows that we all were there and she was saying goodbye to us

This experience also helps me cope with the loss of my father when my father died
Because we know that there is a place after death, that the soul goes to
Just it is stated in all of the holy books
And this nostalgia is dedicated to my late great-grandmother Saliman Ramlal RIP ma we all love you and miss you every day
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