NO MORE

When I think back on the time I have spent dreaming and pontificating, rather than acting, I am filled with a sense of dread. For I do not see a whimsical and imaginative soul enjoying their stroll around the mortal coil, as I have fooled many into perceiving me to be. Instead, I look on in horror at years of wasted youth and a life lived in mediocre complacency and laziness.
Rather than run, I crawl.
Rather than fight, I beg for my life and surrender to internal enemies
. Rather than profess the vast, fractal facets of my love and embrace my virtues, as well as my vices, with a bellowing war cry of defiance and pride; I sit in quiet desperation and pathetic self-doubt.
I am afraid.
Afraid to forgive myself.
Afraid to let this greedy, pointless ego of mine dissolve, and radiate the endless empathy and compassion that I feel for this suffering world.
Afraid to give into the love I feel in the deepest pit of my being.
Regardless of my denial, and this ridiculous, bubbly visage I wear like a mask, I will never fool myself.
I know that I am terrified of failure, scared of rejection, and I shy away from all these beautiful, masterful, kind souls. Those good and wonderful people that swirl around me like stars. Human’s born of celestial radiance that I am too dizzy, drunk, and blind to...