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misjudgement
Me and my family was just a simple family
I grew up as a batter child, for me and my sister experience physical abuse by our parents, scolds us, hitting us with a bromm stick, woods or anything they can hold for, slapping us through our faces, or body, and my mom is also a battered wife for she receives punches from my father I'd he gets drunk, slap, kick, push to the wall and worst point a knife but thankful it didn't went through.
I admit at my elementary and high school I hated my parents especially my dad, for he is always drunk every day.
And the truth that's why I have a trauma to those drunk people because of him and that's why I prefer to be single because of his kind of man.
But as I go to college or ages I have realized that's without them I am not in here that inspite of their imperfection my life is still better than other children who is being maltreated buy their parents, harrased or assaulted by their father or better than those who are in the street without a home or family to be called.
And as time goes by I also understand my dad why he was like that because he also grew up with a lot of misjudgement by his sisters, brother or family, even when he is a teen yes my father is an alcoholic, smoker and a gambler that's what his bad habits but he never cheated or hurt my mom with other girl like others and he never lies to anyone or never took granted for something, he works hard, he tries to raised us on his own even if he needs to sell our land to his sister for us just to finish our studies, yes he is a imperfect human being just like everyone of us, his sister or brother treated him as like nothing for his bad habits and for his bad habits he judge them of being a bad or they always pity him and makes fun of him, in our big family we are like the lease likable ones because of our father habits while my mom is just silent for she doesn't want our lives to be more complicated because my relatives were all a professional and they have favorites in the family and we aren't them.
Growing up, I always pity my other cousins for my auntie will always say yes to them easily and will give them better clothes, toys and anything but in us we are given what is the least on or the one that is not being chosen or little but I was just little in those times so I didn't mind them atleast I have something. As I grew up I started the different treatment of my other aunties towards my family, my father is a joker in the family he is a positive man, a man who do what her sisters will say he can be slave to his farm with less payment he won't complain but then he is the one that my uncle or aunties will blame for some miscalculation, problem in the their farm, my dad will be mad but later on he forgives them easily but deep inside he was hurt, he can't open up his problems to anyone so he kept them to himself even when he was a teen thats why until now he has sulk in his sisters and brothers because of their action or because on what they have done to him before.
That's why me and my family always the one who receives all his rants towards his sisters or brother and even our mistake he always bringing them up to us when he is drunk especially my mom he always blame her for their miserable life but the truth it was all my father he is a strict but has a kind heart, he is a drunk person but he was broken inside him, he seems strong or funny but he has a lot of struggles inside him.
We are encouraging him to forget the past but I guess what his sister and brothers do to him was too depp that he can't forget he can forgive but forgetting it is very impossible to him.
My aunties or uncles easily judges as because of the bad habits of my father they won't listen to our explanations they will only listen to the make up stories of their favorite family who always makes up a stories for them to look good to them and trustworthy but the truth what they have said to the professionals aunties that my family did was they are the one who actually did it. They make stories about my sister being irresponsible in taking my grandmother before they even jusge her as a stealer and lier without knowing the truth, but in fact it was them who is holding my grandmother's money or they are the one who is eating all of the fruits of my grandmother, all they are the one who is buying less what my grandmother needs and they never listen to my sister or family explanation then my another uncles and aunt with their kids accused me being a theft or I steal the laptop of my cousin which in the first place its been decided by my uncle and 1 of my professional auntie to give me the other laptop and me and my cousin also had a talked about it and decided that I will take the laptop and I was about to live the city and back to the province and I wasn't also feeling well in those times when I am on my way going to the terminal ng auntie called me saying why I took the laptop and I should bring it back I told her that me and jeric my cousin already talked about it and he said that I can get it but my auntie insist that nope I must bring it back because bev my other cousin will used it, I was feeling dizzy instead of the terminal I choose to go back and return the laptop for I don't want to have a problem then after I gave back I drove easily to the trycyle and go to terminal for my bus time and upon arriving in the terminal and went to the bus I can't stop crying because of what happen and of what is being accused of me I cried in the bus till I fell sleep, I arrived in our province at dawn it was a 9 hours trip and my mom and dad was sleeping I called my mom and she open the door for me I bless her hands and went to our room and she went back to sleep again I cried silently for I what happen to me before living the city then in the morning I wake up late and my mother ask me why did I steal the laptop because my professional auntie came to our house saying that I stole the laptop, which my other auntie told her what happen which my professional auntie easily judge me and I told my mom what really happen and what me and my cousins talked about then she said from now on don't get things from them even if they say that's its for you because they will just use it to make you a bad person. So from their I already put a gap in the between me and my cousins or my relatives especially to my professional aunties who is a doctor or a nurse in US because it just another proof that no matter what we say or do they won't believe in us and they will believed my other cousins and uncle or aunties who are hypocrites, as the days goes buy I am hearing stories from my aunties that they've been telling to some of my relatives that when o stayed their to them for almost 3 months they say that I never give them a payment for the electric or I never share to the bills, food, or even cleaning the house bit in fact I always bring food, and I also cook food for us for I am the older one and I am working already in those times and I am cleaning the house and kitchen and their rooms and I am the one who removes the thick old chicken bone or fish bone under the dining table before and the dusty and mess room I even re arrange them for me to easily clean them theyve been here longer than I am but the house is so messy in each corner I don't know what is the problem of my cousins to me for lying to their mom and dad that I am not doing anything in the house yes I ask for some loan to them but I am also paying them after I received my salary with a food for all of us. Then knowing they will just make me look bad I felt so betrayed, hurt, and broken for I trust this people I took good care of them as much as I could I think of them but at my back they are were all fakes, from then on I distance myself to them my father scolds me every now and then because of their accusations in me it's add up to my mistakes that he always bring whenever he is drunk, and it hurts me that even my own father won't believe me, I've been independently for too long I don't depend on anyone I try to depend in the past but they are just showing me everytime that I better be independent on my own I loved many times but I am always taken for granted, cheated, and less prioritised, I deal with my own pain, problems I am not an open to my parents for they won't believed me and even they will get angry and scold me for all the problems I have given them,
They always compare me to my other cousins growing up, I am not an intelligent not like them, so I always get to be scolded, slap, puddle with a stick, yes I was a stubborn growing up but I was a kid, my parents usually compares me to my cousins for they are a top notcher, they are helping in the house, they are always at home not like me who is always want to be with my friends or outside playing or watching TV, I never felt the loved of my parents, and I already accepted that I am not that loved by them, I ask everytime myself why I am not so loved, why I am always being the wrong person they always see why they won't aprrecuate my effort or action because I also do clean, with or without them the hose but they won't see it, even if I try to do the things they want they will always compare me to other, growing up with those experiences leads me to have a low self steem, anxiety to depression to suicidal thought especially when I was 18th I found out that their is a possibility that I can't bare a child I cried hard to my friend who accompany me to my check up, I went home show my result to my professional auntie doctor and she just said that said the same thing as the doctor said earlier and give or show the result to my parents while walking I can't help myself not to cry but when I am near I hold my tears and went inside the house my sister even bully me then I gave to my parents and they were just silent then I went to my room and cried their everyday I cried, I even asked God why, I cried everyday and on weekends or if my parents were not in the house or busy they don't know that I always have a knife with me, while crying I am holding the knife pointing at my stomach, neck, heart, but I am not pushing it, I just hold it and point it till I fell sleep my parents won't checking me out in those times even my sister its like we aren't sister or family because we can't be open to one another. #somereason I still have a lot of experiences but thinking those back I am still thankful that I am still here Continuing to move forward my life is not an easy until now I am independent on my own, loving my parents in their imperfection I appreciated everything in life no matter how small or big those are, I remained positive about life for I am always thankful to GodI realized that life is not always a happy one and I must experienced things for God is preparing me to something and that I should be patience to it, that things happen in God's time and not ours, that it happens in God's plan not ours, but that things that we experienced before needs to be done for us to be stronger, and better and to learn from them. Life is not a one time learning experiences but it is a lifetime book of ours that's has different experiences, learnings, opportunity, blessings everyday,
Our life is only temporary in here that on God knows when.
I am not a ot blessed with my family and relatives but I am blessed with my friends and I am thankful for them for all the help that they've given me all throughout my darkness moments
Me and my parents now were slowly patching up and no matter how imperfect parents were I will love them unconditionally and forever for they are the parents that God has given me.
I have a Gap with my aunties or relatives but I still respect them as the sister or brother of my father, even If until now they are hurting my parents even if I want to tell my rants to them bit for the safety of my parents and peace I am willing to calm myself down but hoping their will be no more another event that may put my father into a great danger because of them for I don't know what will happen maybe I will explode and espoused what theyve done towards us.
They were professional but the way they judge us, isn't a professional one.
I still respect them even if they don't deserve it because I always think of my Grandparents and my parents
I maybe a no one to them but it's okay because I am used to them.
I do live not for them bit I do live for my parent and myself.
I don't compete with anyone for I know that God loves me and he has a plan for me.
I don't compare myself to other people or my cousins for everyone of us has a different path, future and diffeprent perspective
I am not a pure but I can admit my mistake for I am also an imperfect just like everyone
I am not a rich but I am determined to do things on my own to learn from my own and to be strong on my own.
I trust easily but I always end up always hurt by other so I start to love more myself so that no one can hurt me.
I trust myself, and God
For his plan is better than my plan
And his live is always overflowing for anyone of us
For he knows what is happening and what will happen
He knows what's in our mind, body, heart even without saying it.
For he put us his for a purposed for us to fulfill
Let's live our life to what he wants for us just let as all be patience, hope for the better have faith in him and do good.
For good will always win no matter how hard, dark, long there will always be a hope.
© All Rights Reserved
I grew up as a batter child, for me and my sister experience physical abuse by our parents, scolds us, hitting us with a bromm stick, woods or anything they can hold for, slapping us through our faces, or body, and my mom is also a battered wife for she receives punches from my father I'd he gets drunk, slap, kick, push to the wall and worst point a knife but thankful it didn't went through.
I admit at my elementary and high school I hated my parents especially my dad, for he is always drunk every day.
And the truth that's why I have a trauma to those drunk people because of him and that's why I prefer to be single because of his kind of man.
But as I go to college or ages I have realized that's without them I am not in here that inspite of their imperfection my life is still better than other children who is being maltreated buy their parents, harrased or assaulted by their father or better than those who are in the street without a home or family to be called.
And as time goes by I also understand my dad why he was like that because he also grew up with a lot of misjudgement by his sisters, brother or family, even when he is a teen yes my father is an alcoholic, smoker and a gambler that's what his bad habits but he never cheated or hurt my mom with other girl like others and he never lies to anyone or never took granted for something, he works hard, he tries to raised us on his own even if he needs to sell our land to his sister for us just to finish our studies, yes he is a imperfect human being just like everyone of us, his sister or brother treated him as like nothing for his bad habits and for his bad habits he judge them of being a bad or they always pity him and makes fun of him, in our big family we are like the lease likable ones because of our father habits while my mom is just silent for she doesn't want our lives to be more complicated because my relatives were all a professional and they have favorites in the family and we aren't them.
Growing up, I always pity my other cousins for my auntie will always say yes to them easily and will give them better clothes, toys and anything but in us we are given what is the least on or the one that is not being chosen or little but I was just little in those times so I didn't mind them atleast I have something. As I grew up I started the different treatment of my other aunties towards my family, my father is a joker in the family he is a positive man, a man who do what her sisters will say he can be slave to his farm with less payment he won't complain but then he is the one that my uncle or aunties will blame for some miscalculation, problem in the their farm, my dad will be mad but later on he forgives them easily but deep inside he was hurt, he can't open up his problems to anyone so he kept them to himself even when he was a teen thats why until now he has sulk in his sisters and brothers because of their action or because on what they have done to him before.
That's why me and my family always the one who receives all his rants towards his sisters or brother and even our mistake he always bringing them up to us when he is drunk especially my mom he always blame her for their miserable life but the truth it was all my father he is a strict but has a kind heart, he is a drunk person but he was broken inside him, he seems strong or funny but he has a lot of struggles inside him.
We are encouraging him to forget the past but I guess what his sister and brothers do to him was too depp that he can't forget he can forgive but forgetting it is very impossible to him.
My aunties or uncles easily judges as because of the bad habits of my father they won't listen to our explanations they will only listen to the make up stories of their favorite family who always makes up a stories for them to look good to them and trustworthy but the truth what they have said to the professionals aunties that my family did was they are the one who actually did it. They make stories about my sister being irresponsible in taking my grandmother before they even jusge her as a stealer and lier without knowing the truth, but in fact it was them who is holding my grandmother's money or they are the one who is eating all of the fruits of my grandmother, all they are the one who is buying less what my grandmother needs and they never listen to my sister or family explanation then my another uncles and aunt with their kids accused me being a theft or I steal the laptop of my cousin which in the first place its been decided by my uncle and 1 of my professional auntie to give me the other laptop and me and my cousin also had a talked about it and decided that I will take the laptop and I was about to live the city and back to the province and I wasn't also feeling well in those times when I am on my way going to the terminal ng auntie called me saying why I took the laptop and I should bring it back I told her that me and jeric my cousin already talked about it and he said that I can get it but my auntie insist that nope I must bring it back because bev my other cousin will used it, I was feeling dizzy instead of the terminal I choose to go back and return the laptop for I don't want to have a problem then after I gave back I drove easily to the trycyle and go to terminal for my bus time and upon arriving in the terminal and went to the bus I can't stop crying because of what happen and of what is being accused of me I cried in the bus till I fell sleep, I arrived in our province at dawn it was a 9 hours trip and my mom and dad was sleeping I called my mom and she open the door for me I bless her hands and went to our room and she went back to sleep again I cried silently for I what happen to me before living the city then in the morning I wake up late and my mother ask me why did I steal the laptop because my professional auntie came to our house saying that I stole the laptop, which my other auntie told her what happen which my professional auntie easily judge me and I told my mom what really happen and what me and my cousins talked about then she said from now on don't get things from them even if they say that's its for you because they will just use it to make you a bad person. So from their I already put a gap in the between me and my cousins or my relatives especially to my professional aunties who is a doctor or a nurse in US because it just another proof that no matter what we say or do they won't believe in us and they will believed my other cousins and uncle or aunties who are hypocrites, as the days goes buy I am hearing stories from my aunties that they've been telling to some of my relatives that when o stayed their to them for almost 3 months they say that I never give them a payment for the electric or I never share to the bills, food, or even cleaning the house bit in fact I always bring food, and I also cook food for us for I am the older one and I am working already in those times and I am cleaning the house and kitchen and their rooms and I am the one who removes the thick old chicken bone or fish bone under the dining table before and the dusty and mess room I even re arrange them for me to easily clean them theyve been here longer than I am but the house is so messy in each corner I don't know what is the problem of my cousins to me for lying to their mom and dad that I am not doing anything in the house yes I ask for some loan to them but I am also paying them after I received my salary with a food for all of us. Then knowing they will just make me look bad I felt so betrayed, hurt, and broken for I trust this people I took good care of them as much as I could I think of them but at my back they are were all fakes, from then on I distance myself to them my father scolds me every now and then because of their accusations in me it's add up to my mistakes that he always bring whenever he is drunk, and it hurts me that even my own father won't believe me, I've been independently for too long I don't depend on anyone I try to depend in the past but they are just showing me everytime that I better be independent on my own I loved many times but I am always taken for granted, cheated, and less prioritised, I deal with my own pain, problems I am not an open to my parents for they won't believed me and even they will get angry and scold me for all the problems I have given them,
They always compare me to my other cousins growing up, I am not an intelligent not like them, so I always get to be scolded, slap, puddle with a stick, yes I was a stubborn growing up but I was a kid, my parents usually compares me to my cousins for they are a top notcher, they are helping in the house, they are always at home not like me who is always want to be with my friends or outside playing or watching TV, I never felt the loved of my parents, and I already accepted that I am not that loved by them, I ask everytime myself why I am not so loved, why I am always being the wrong person they always see why they won't aprrecuate my effort or action because I also do clean, with or without them the hose but they won't see it, even if I try to do the things they want they will always compare me to other, growing up with those experiences leads me to have a low self steem, anxiety to depression to suicidal thought especially when I was 18th I found out that their is a possibility that I can't bare a child I cried hard to my friend who accompany me to my check up, I went home show my result to my professional auntie doctor and she just said that said the same thing as the doctor said earlier and give or show the result to my parents while walking I can't help myself not to cry but when I am near I hold my tears and went inside the house my sister even bully me then I gave to my parents and they were just silent then I went to my room and cried their everyday I cried, I even asked God why, I cried everyday and on weekends or if my parents were not in the house or busy they don't know that I always have a knife with me, while crying I am holding the knife pointing at my stomach, neck, heart, but I am not pushing it, I just hold it and point it till I fell sleep my parents won't checking me out in those times even my sister its like we aren't sister or family because we can't be open to one another. #somereason I still have a lot of experiences but thinking those back I am still thankful that I am still here Continuing to move forward my life is not an easy until now I am independent on my own, loving my parents in their imperfection I appreciated everything in life no matter how small or big those are, I remained positive about life for I am always thankful to GodI realized that life is not always a happy one and I must experienced things for God is preparing me to something and that I should be patience to it, that things happen in God's time and not ours, that it happens in God's plan not ours, but that things that we experienced before needs to be done for us to be stronger, and better and to learn from them. Life is not a one time learning experiences but it is a lifetime book of ours that's has different experiences, learnings, opportunity, blessings everyday,
Our life is only temporary in here that on God knows when.
I am not a ot blessed with my family and relatives but I am blessed with my friends and I am thankful for them for all the help that they've given me all throughout my darkness moments
Me and my parents now were slowly patching up and no matter how imperfect parents were I will love them unconditionally and forever for they are the parents that God has given me.
I have a Gap with my aunties or relatives but I still respect them as the sister or brother of my father, even If until now they are hurting my parents even if I want to tell my rants to them bit for the safety of my parents and peace I am willing to calm myself down but hoping their will be no more another event that may put my father into a great danger because of them for I don't know what will happen maybe I will explode and espoused what theyve done towards us.
They were professional but the way they judge us, isn't a professional one.
I still respect them even if they don't deserve it because I always think of my Grandparents and my parents
I maybe a no one to them but it's okay because I am used to them.
I do live not for them bit I do live for my parent and myself.
I don't compete with anyone for I know that God loves me and he has a plan for me.
I don't compare myself to other people or my cousins for everyone of us has a different path, future and diffeprent perspective
I am not a pure but I can admit my mistake for I am also an imperfect just like everyone
I am not a rich but I am determined to do things on my own to learn from my own and to be strong on my own.
I trust easily but I always end up always hurt by other so I start to love more myself so that no one can hurt me.
I trust myself, and God
For his plan is better than my plan
And his live is always overflowing for anyone of us
For he knows what is happening and what will happen
He knows what's in our mind, body, heart even without saying it.
For he put us his for a purposed for us to fulfill
Let's live our life to what he wants for us just let as all be patience, hope for the better have faith in him and do good.
For good will always win no matter how hard, dark, long there will always be a hope.
© All Rights Reserved
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