I used to have a somewhat normal life. You know the husband, 3 kids, apartment, and minivan. Then that one thing happened. That single event that changed everything. After that it seemed like everything went spiraling out of control. It was like a whirlwind and I was powerless to stop it. Suddenly I was alone with nothing. You know that crazy homeless lady pushing the shopping cart through the park arguing with herself. I felt like that was going to be me soon. She probably went through something similar. The more I tried to get my life back on track, the more life threw at me. Just as soon as I started building up it all came tumbling down. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The realization that you can't build on a shaky foundation. There would be the problem. My solid foundation had always been my family. Without them I was nothing. Am I just destined to be broken the rest of my life? I feel so empty and that life has no meaning anymore. I thought I had it figured out for a little bit but then it was all ripped away from me again. I don't have the strength to start over again. I barely have enough strength to just keep surviving. People just keep kicking me while I'm down. They take advantage until I have nothing left. They treat it like some kind of game and I'm the prize but the worse they treat me the more they get. I don't want to play but they force me to. It's either play or die. Why is it so wrong for me just to live my life? I'm not hurting anyone. It feels like I have an invisible target on my back and my forehead. Why me? What did I do to deserve this kind of torture? It's day in and day out of constant agony and torment. I can't possibly be broken any more. At this point it feels as though death is the only way to make it stop. I've tried reaching out only to have my hand slammed in the door. I called for help only to get hung up on. I'm struggling to find my place but keep getting told there is no room. The light at the end of the tunnel is rapidly fading and I can't hardly see my way around. I'm still trying to find my way.
© DejaVu