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ILLUSION. part one
Socking myself in tears till I sleep is how my everyday ends. Sad and depressed are the only existing moods in my world,I keep on doing things that add to my pain and I have no one else to blame but me😓.
I have passed through a lot in my life already and I'm tired. I've been cheated on uncountable times,taken advantage of,and abused emotionally and physically,when it comes to spiritually,I'm no longer stable😓.
All I wish for is to die but I look at my two siblings,who is to take care of them when I'm gone,our parents left too soon. Every time I look in the mirror,I get bruised all over again. The memories of my dignity still hunt my dreams,that's if I'm lucky to have any sleep😣.
I stop to wonder how all this could happen to one person. I chase people away because of my own insecurities,but I'm only human,there's only so much I can endure. The only lasting friend i have is sorrow😔.
One day I sat in a cafeteria that I got to every evening waiting for my siblings from school. A man came up to my table and said hi,I ignored as I always do but he was persistent so I said hi as well. He sat down ,brought out the Bible and asked me if we could talk. He said"God loves you and he will never forsake you. whatever you're facing,trust me he has the solution". I asked him why of all tables he chose mine to waste his time on and he responded saying"from the look in your eyes,I see bitterness,hatred and shouts for help,only Jesus can help you". I laughed and said to him; "where was this so called Jesus when my parents left when I was twelve,or when I was raped,even more when all those men came and left me broken than I was before,or better still,now that I'm still suffering to fend for my siblings?. Before you come to make your claims first look,do not come here talking nonsense about God and his love.
Instead of walking away and being upset,the man smiled instead,saying he knew why I was saying all that and I should let it all out. He proceeded saying:"God let's his children pass through certain things for the good of them,even when we don't understand it ourselves. what is important is to trust his process,in the end its either a lesson or disguised blessing underway." I got up and left because I didn't understand a thing he's said but his words stuck to me and made me think. But in a few hours I was back to my miserable self again. That day ended in socking as usual but little did I know,it was the awakening of a journey I never conscented to.
To be continued............
© @Tamara N
I have passed through a lot in my life already and I'm tired. I've been cheated on uncountable times,taken advantage of,and abused emotionally and physically,when it comes to spiritually,I'm no longer stable😓.
All I wish for is to die but I look at my two siblings,who is to take care of them when I'm gone,our parents left too soon. Every time I look in the mirror,I get bruised all over again. The memories of my dignity still hunt my dreams,that's if I'm lucky to have any sleep😣.
I stop to wonder how all this could happen to one person. I chase people away because of my own insecurities,but I'm only human,there's only so much I can endure. The only lasting friend i have is sorrow😔.
One day I sat in a cafeteria that I got to every evening waiting for my siblings from school. A man came up to my table and said hi,I ignored as I always do but he was persistent so I said hi as well. He sat down ,brought out the Bible and asked me if we could talk. He said"God loves you and he will never forsake you. whatever you're facing,trust me he has the solution". I asked him why of all tables he chose mine to waste his time on and he responded saying"from the look in your eyes,I see bitterness,hatred and shouts for help,only Jesus can help you". I laughed and said to him; "where was this so called Jesus when my parents left when I was twelve,or when I was raped,even more when all those men came and left me broken than I was before,or better still,now that I'm still suffering to fend for my siblings?. Before you come to make your claims first look,do not come here talking nonsense about God and his love.
Instead of walking away and being upset,the man smiled instead,saying he knew why I was saying all that and I should let it all out. He proceeded saying:"God let's his children pass through certain things for the good of them,even when we don't understand it ourselves. what is important is to trust his process,in the end its either a lesson or disguised blessing underway." I got up and left because I didn't understand a thing he's said but his words stuck to me and made me think. But in a few hours I was back to my miserable self again. That day ended in socking as usual but little did I know,it was the awakening of a journey I never conscented to.
To be continued............
© @Tamara N
