So here is the thing, I have to write this story to little kids, but it has to be in my own writing style and let’s just say that this story is gonna be crummy. We had to choose a fairytale , and lemme tell ya somethin it’s a doozy.
So there was this phony bologna family of pigs. They lived with their mother, one day she came home in a bad mood and decided she didn’t like coming home to a pigsty of a mess. What she did next it hilarious, she kicked them to the curb! As she did this she hollered “ go find some other place to mess up!” And that was that.
So now our doozy of a story really starts here with “piggy number one!” He was the phoniest of’em all because he went to the farm store and bought STRAW yes he bought freaking straw for a house. Lemme just say that, that pig is plain stupid. As the piggy was building his house of straw, a wolf came up and offered some lunch. So you know how I mentioned the pig being stupid right? Well this is right about the time you find out cus, he didn’t realize the wolf was a talkin bout him. So the pig said “yes,” to lunch. By the time the pig had finished building his stupid straw house, the stupid wolf began to talk and get closer. So the dumbass pig ran into his house thinking that it was safe, but like I said the pig is a dumbass and the wolf started blowing. When wolf blew he would say “ little pig, little pig let me in” I hate that line, god I just hate it. The little piggy would reply with “not by the hairs on my chinny, chin, chin.” Old Wolfy didn’t appreciate this at all, so then he proceeded with “then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in.” That is exactly what happened to the stupid pigs house. Then he ran to the second little pig’s house, although this one was slightly smarter.
The first stupid pig meet his brother in his wood house. Let me tell you about that wolf he has some dedication this wolf. Anyway the wolf decided to to do the same thing to the wood house. That dumb wolf, he huffed and he puffed and blew the house down just like the first house. Man, wouldn’t it just be easier to go to the store and buy some goddamn bacon? Anyway the two porky pigs ran to the runt of the litter’s house made out of brick, see this pig right here is smartest goddamn thing in the world. This little pig here is goin places, it’s sure going further than I am at this point in my high school career.
As the pigs run to the brick house the wolf follows. This wolf has serious piggy issues. When they get there the runt lets them in, so the wolf attempts to do the same thing that he did to the rest of the other houses. He tried to blow it down. He’s gonna give himself a heart attack doin this shit. Anywho when he isn’t able to blow the house down, the phony pigs taunt him. So he climbs on the roof of the house so he can attempt to get in through there. Little does he know that the pigs have a fire started and a kettle on the fire. So the stupid wolf climbs in the chimney and falls into the boiling water of the kettle. This part is the part that gets really cheesy though, after he falls the pigs begin to season him up. As they did this they cheered with laughter because they finally have their dinner and no sooner than a snap of a finger they start ripping him to pieces so they can enjoy a lovely wolf stew. Damn these pigs are cannibalistic as fuck, well there you have it kids “The Three Little Cannibalistic wolf Eating pigs. Oh and if you're wondering what makes them so cannibalistic, it’s that they had invited their mother over for supper as a housewarming party type thing, and turned her into Jell-O shots so they had something to have with their wolf stew. They did this to their mother because their mother kicked them out and they didn’t like it. So good night to all you kiddos. Good night sleep tight and don’t let “ The Three Cannibalistic Wolf Eating Little Pigs” bite.
#thethreelittlepigs
#humor
#JDSalinger
#cannibalisticstory
#funny