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The test (prt 1)
Wrapped in a discombobulated situation, I keep asking myself why it was so difficult for my brother to stop gambling. I also gamble, but to me I was in control and never go into debt or any shameful act in order to gamble.
The trees will give a wave as the wind caresses it, then it gives out a showering of dry leaves; we were both walking under the trees long the school culvert leading to the admin's office suddenly he wore a sober look on his face. Gibson, I need you to forgive me this last time cause I have wronged you again. I was confused and I actually don’t understand what he meant by that, then my mind started calculating and suddenly I spilled out. Don’t tell me you spent the money dad sent for my departmental registration? My eyes were clouded already and my face was red burning in anger.
He knelt down on the road to beg me and asking me how much it was. Why asking me when you know how much you spent? Then he let the cat out of the bag; actually Dad sent your registration money and our feeding and pocket allowance together; What, I screamed. The flood would not hold back instead, it rushed out of my eyes. You mean you spent all the money? I fell to the ground, immediately he held me stopping me from hitting my head. I pushed him away; don’t touch me, I yelled at him in anger not minding that he was older than me. He has been doing it for long, but I’ve never imagined he was going to hurt me this much. Then I walked away from him in thought. Was it because I don’t have a bank account and I make use of his or was it his greed? I resent him so much, looking at him irks me.
The lecture would not stick to my head instead, they come and leave. I couldn’t concentrate in the lecture room so I left to the garden. My mind will go to and fro thinking of how to get the money for my registration. I got home late in the evening holding right to my pillow and showering it with tears then I slept off. Early that night he walked into the room pointing out some money to me, will this be enough for the registration? I grabbed the money to give it a count. After some seconds, yes it’s enough; ok, make sure you finish all your registration tomorrow. Months passed by so also years but it was still the same, he stopped working where he was complain of stress and that he wants to further more on his education. I just finished my OND program and was running my IT, getting little token. After few months, Dad asked him to supervise a project. He spent all of the money for the project.
This brought my mum into a languid state and she was latent in all she does, she wept continuously while having a conversation with her younger sister on phone about the issue; I have prayed and fasted but it seems not to have any effect on him though pastor said I should keep praying for him. I paid with three month salary with addition of some savings from my mum just to keep Dad out of it. It would have been another pandemonium if he finds out.
After praying on a certain night, I asked why it was so hard for him to stop going too far even if he was to gamble but he thought I was being rude to him. He yelled at me and walked out of the room.
The camaraderie of gamble and I grew with time but it was just the embryonic, I became addicted too. Will I say I ran out of control or my greed became too high? Back to school for my HND Program after my IT program, as I would spend all my money into gambling I would call Dad then lie to him about different registration just to get money from him. This went on and on even as I was the president of two devotions and a Sunday school teacher both in school and at home.
One certain day I knelt down in prayer and had this conversation with God. I told him even if he would take me by force, He should just get me out of the mess I brought upon myself. Then the Spirit asked; was it your wish to gamble all the time? I replied and said no. Then, I was made to realize just like job3:25 said “for the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me” and I judged my brother a lot which was the reason the test came upon me. Instead of trying to help my brother and pray continuously just like the Bible said in 2Timothy4:2 “preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long-suffering and doctrine” also in 1Thessalonian 5:17 “pray without ceasing” I would rather look down on my brother and try to push him away. Now that I am put to the same test what will I do? Will I push myself away and turn away from God or will I run closer to him so he can save me?
#therapy #therealghostwriter #writco #selfhelp #judgemental
© ogunrinola oluwaseun
The trees will give a wave as the wind caresses it, then it gives out a showering of dry leaves; we were both walking under the trees long the school culvert leading to the admin's office suddenly he wore a sober look on his face. Gibson, I need you to forgive me this last time cause I have wronged you again. I was confused and I actually don’t understand what he meant by that, then my mind started calculating and suddenly I spilled out. Don’t tell me you spent the money dad sent for my departmental registration? My eyes were clouded already and my face was red burning in anger.
He knelt down on the road to beg me and asking me how much it was. Why asking me when you know how much you spent? Then he let the cat out of the bag; actually Dad sent your registration money and our feeding and pocket allowance together; What, I screamed. The flood would not hold back instead, it rushed out of my eyes. You mean you spent all the money? I fell to the ground, immediately he held me stopping me from hitting my head. I pushed him away; don’t touch me, I yelled at him in anger not minding that he was older than me. He has been doing it for long, but I’ve never imagined he was going to hurt me this much. Then I walked away from him in thought. Was it because I don’t have a bank account and I make use of his or was it his greed? I resent him so much, looking at him irks me.
The lecture would not stick to my head instead, they come and leave. I couldn’t concentrate in the lecture room so I left to the garden. My mind will go to and fro thinking of how to get the money for my registration. I got home late in the evening holding right to my pillow and showering it with tears then I slept off. Early that night he walked into the room pointing out some money to me, will this be enough for the registration? I grabbed the money to give it a count. After some seconds, yes it’s enough; ok, make sure you finish all your registration tomorrow. Months passed by so also years but it was still the same, he stopped working where he was complain of stress and that he wants to further more on his education. I just finished my OND program and was running my IT, getting little token. After few months, Dad asked him to supervise a project. He spent all of the money for the project.
This brought my mum into a languid state and she was latent in all she does, she wept continuously while having a conversation with her younger sister on phone about the issue; I have prayed and fasted but it seems not to have any effect on him though pastor said I should keep praying for him. I paid with three month salary with addition of some savings from my mum just to keep Dad out of it. It would have been another pandemonium if he finds out.
After praying on a certain night, I asked why it was so hard for him to stop going too far even if he was to gamble but he thought I was being rude to him. He yelled at me and walked out of the room.
The camaraderie of gamble and I grew with time but it was just the embryonic, I became addicted too. Will I say I ran out of control or my greed became too high? Back to school for my HND Program after my IT program, as I would spend all my money into gambling I would call Dad then lie to him about different registration just to get money from him. This went on and on even as I was the president of two devotions and a Sunday school teacher both in school and at home.
One certain day I knelt down in prayer and had this conversation with God. I told him even if he would take me by force, He should just get me out of the mess I brought upon myself. Then the Spirit asked; was it your wish to gamble all the time? I replied and said no. Then, I was made to realize just like job3:25 said “for the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me” and I judged my brother a lot which was the reason the test came upon me. Instead of trying to help my brother and pray continuously just like the Bible said in 2Timothy4:2 “preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long-suffering and doctrine” also in 1Thessalonian 5:17 “pray without ceasing” I would rather look down on my brother and try to push him away. Now that I am put to the same test what will I do? Will I push myself away and turn away from God or will I run closer to him so he can save me?
#therapy #therealghostwriter #writco #selfhelp #judgemental
© ogunrinola oluwaseun
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