My beliefs aren't so different from the people I know. I do however have some reservations of how things work.
 I'm asked if I believed in the existence of God, Satan, heaven, and hell.
Yes I do, I also believe in free will, but my definition of free will, and where it came from differs from what others believe.
  I was taught that God gave us free will
Is this true? Some say it is, but I believe it already exist within us. Just as good, and bad is in our nature.
At a very young age we've had the will to choose what we will do, or be.
  It is our choice to live our lives by faith, love and compassion, or not.
With all our efforts to strive to be a better version of ourselves, this is already something we choose to do, but that is as far as it goes.
  It is said that to earn salvation, we'd have to repent, and live our lives by his word. Seems like a take it or be damned kind of option.
However, if our lives are predestined, and our paths have already been paved, then why  does it matter how good or bad we choose to be.
  We are destined to endure the life that was written for us. 
Whether it be to suffer the continuous struggles, or a life in abundance with blessings..
  God, as I believe is like every parent who has their favorite child.
Questions go further as to why I no longer attend mass.
Walking through those doors, no matter the religion. With my transgressions, I had hoped for absolution, and a sense of peace to settle in my mind, and my heart.
 Far from being a saint, I do consider myself a fairly good person, but these places bring nothing close to what I expected to feel.
  What is real are the vibes of bad energy that sit all around.
What I saw was
 judgment on those who hold themselves up high on unseen pedestals.
  Appearances are staged, but I would never think that I could attend his house and walk out with confidence, certain that my shit didn't stink, so to speak.
Change takes time, this I know, but even as a child, I knew not to sit in judgment on anyone. Although it was part of the lesson, my conscience knew it was wrong.
To sit in judgment is something most are ready to do.
  There's no surprise with how much hypocrisy overflows in such a place.
 Though I've always struggled with my mother's words that I shouldn't question his word. I can't help that my heart tells me otherwise.

This is me,
    and these
      are my thoughts.


          <💀>
       Written by
  Sarah M Gutierrez



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