Last night I had a dream,in it my husband was crying,his voice was filled with anguish,disappointments and lot of sadness,

I approached to soothe him,
all of a sudden I had someone calling me,
I woke up and realised that it was just a dream ,
A dream that has turned out to be real .

A dream in which my husband was crying, it wasn't him,
All along it has been me,
Crying in anguish, disappointment and sadness,
regretting all the five years have spent!
nothing seems to change, everything still the same.

He will never change,have now come to realise that all the sacrifices have made ,ignored myself for his sake to be happy,
were all in vain!
instead have turned out to be a clown in his circus,
only him has the right to put on a crown!

When every month ends,he receives his pay cheque
gives me little money to run the expenses for the family.
when I ask him for more,
he claims that he has alot of debts to payoff.

Surprisingly,claiming that he has lots of debts,
in his budget never forgets himself ,
in his equation, me and my babies always never fit .

Each end month he will shop for himself, so that he can dress well to impress at work,
when I complain "what about us"
always he knows how to put me off the track with fake promises that seem never to last.

Have realised he never thinks for us,only for himself!
to have a wife, to have a family is not only providing food and shelter ,
but also to do other little things for them that you do for yourself,
so as to make them happy and feel equal,


I hope am not being negative here,
and thinking of the worst about him,because am in pain!

All these have not only been thoughts but a reality about my life that I keep on clinging each day, and hope that same day it will change!
that he will learn to remember me and my babies,
reward us with a present,
the way he does for himself every month.

This situation has made me shut myself from the world,
my friends,my family and my relatives always complaining about me,
that have been quiet,am selfish never call on people to ask how they are doing,
if only they knew what am going through!
only the dead knows the pain of the grave!

My life am living,the only hope am having are my two little angles,
my babies.
Sometimes I wish to end this right now and run away but for the second thought about them,brings a relief in my heart and brain,
"am ready to sacrifice myself,my happiness for their sake,so that I will live to watch the joy they have when they play with their dad each day".


This has been my life,this is my life,this is me!
hoping that some day ,there will be some light.

#mylife#myself#mypain#mythoughts#plz don’t judge me #i needed to let it out.



© SweetZz