Growing up where no one showed me love and little respect shaped me into a man of no fear and grew up to be a bit of a sadist. Little did I know that was going to change. I'm a man who's stared death in its face and did not falter, I've looked fear in its eyes and did not blink, I gazed into oblivion and did not look away. I'm known as "Clovis the dreadful, I fear no man, I put fear in man and since I was blessed with the looks of a killer and the height of a giant, made it that much more palpable. I've killed men in my years without a care in the world like it was a routine, just part of the job description. No one told me no, just a certain look gives people the instinct to leave me alone. One day I met this girl, this ignorant, clumsy, stupid girl who lived care free. She was our medic and our company's cook. Back from one of our convoys she made the team a meal, me not in the mood to eat simply sat at our table losing myself in my thoughts, finding solace in the silence that never betrayed me. A feeble tap on my shoulder brought me back to my senses, the table went quiet as I looked to see who disturbed me. It was her, standing ever so righteously looking down as if sanctimonious. "Here you go, I noticed you haven't eaten so I decided to bring you your food. Be careful, it's hot" she said. The thought of her interrupting my thoughts made me want to twist her head off her body. "No thank you, I'm not hungry".
"But I heard your convoy hasn't eaten in days, surely you mu—”
"I said I'm fine. Take your meal away women" I demanded and walked away to my quarters. Back in my room cleaning my rifle and sharpening my blade, a knock upon my door erupted. It was feeble and weak implying it was from someone either nervous or frail. Upon opening the door I saw the cook, she stood with the same food I dismissed in her hand. "Excuse me but you forgot this sir" as if she didn't hear or rather understood the conversation from before. "Women, I told you I wasn't hungry".
"Not now" she interjected. "You can always eat it later".
"No" I close the door. The next day the plate was still there radiating an aura of annoyance. I threw it out. The next day was exactly the same, bringing food to my table which only added to the already angry mood I was feeling from previous affairs just 2 days before. Again I retreated to my room with the same knock on my door and the same response but a different meal "look who has a surprise for you" she implied with a smile that irritated me and a plate of food to go with it. She knew what she was doing, it seems I was left out of this briefing. Instead of sending men to the front lines to die, why not send this girl to annoy the enemy and make them jump upon their own swords. Again I slam the door and again she comes the next day she comes knocking. Annoyed by her presence I could tell it was her just from the percussion of her knock. "WHAT" I demand. "Oh nothing just something you forgot yet again"
"Stop making me food, I can take care of my damn self". As I close the door she puts her foot in the way then enters my room without warning "well I'm going to make sure you actually take this meal". It took every ounce of me to not rip her jaw off her face but I was perplexed. "What are you doing, do you know who I am"?
"Yes sir, you are Clovis". She points to my name badge. "I am Ariella, nice to meet you. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance". I swore I popped a blood vessel. The painstaking is a little absurd to be taking it this far and honestly I could barely contain myself for what I have done next. She put the food down and the moment she did, I pinned her against the wall hand on her bottom jaw and neck doing what best I can to not break her pathetic little neck, towering over her. She stood about 5 '6 and I'm 6' 5. With a look of innocence I implore her. "Do you know what I can do to you? I've killed men for less than what you are doing. I am Clovis the dreadful" lifting her off her feet now. "No one crosses me and gets aw—" she sprayed a mint and I dropped her, not expecting that. "Sorry but I thought you needed that". She's…she…this girl is an oddity to me. I couldn't speak for the time being so she did it for me. "You know you remind me of my father, he was a scary man. He always told me never to be afraid of anyone no matter their exterior countenance". She looks down, reminiscing in the thought of her father. "He was the scariest person I've ever met so if I wasn't afraid of him I'm not afraid of you". I look at her with the same look I stare into the men I've killed, interrogated, moments before death but she, like me, did not blink. She broke the silence but not eye contact "so I'm going to leave this meal here with you, I hope you enjoy". With a graceful bow, she exits leaving me nothing short of astonished. Next thing I know I'm eating that disgusting….well, delicious food she prepared. I returned the plate to her nice and clean the next morning by her door. I thought she would leave me be, but that somehow just invited her in, like she somehow got the key to the wall I've built keeping everyone out. I can picture her now, frolicking amongst the oasis of my mind like the happy go lucky she is. "You ate it, I hoped you liked it, I made it out of love". She says "It was admirable" I respond. "You haven't complimented much have you" she says half smiling. When I didn't satisfy her with an answer she talked to me, for me. In fact she wouldn't stop. At that point I couldn't get rid of her. She always brought food to my table and when I didn't eat it she brought it to my room. Soon I consumed it at the table and a gasp erupted and whispers all around spread like wildfire. "He ate the food"
"He's actually eating"
"What did she do to get him to eat"?
Annoyed, I left for my quarters where I ate in peace. Little by little Ariella invaded my privacy just enough for her to slip through my defenses. I could be hard on her half the time but she's understanding. Walking away when she knows I'm too annoyed and staying when I need her though I know admit to it, she could always tell. She came with us on one winter mission when it was really cold. Just the sight of her quivering and shivering brought a smile to my face as she stood by the fire and the warm vapor released from her lips. She saw me looking at her and walked towards me bringing her hands forward. "Lo-look Clovis, m-my hands ar-ar-are shaking from the co-cold" she says in a bliss. I couldn't help but smile. I unzipped my coat and hugged her and rezipped it back up, warming her up with body heat. "Thank you Clover, you didn't—"
"Not a word, not a word" I cut her off. The silence didn't last. "You've changed," she says looking up at me. Then proceeds to ramble on like I'm listening and doesn't stop until she yawns. She's right, you know. Such a vagary has happened ever since I met her. Ever since she came to my room and gave me her food, I didn't deserve that. Moments later I'm seen carrying Ariella to her room with my jacket around her shoulders as she sleeps in my arms. After I laid her to bed I went back to my room and began battling with my thoughts and the conclusion gave a realization of something I've always welcomed, to something I now regret. I could describe what it was, I wasn't sad or mad, nor upset, a bit happy but that's not the strange feeling
pounding in my chest. I didn't until I gaze into the mirror. That's when I saw it, that same look staring back at me was the look I've seen in people before I killed them. It's the look…of fear.
Ariella managed to imbue a fear in me like no other.
The fear of losing her. How a giant fears someone so tiny, a lion afraid of a mouse. She cared for me when I did not deserve it, she made food for me and I rejected it, last but not least, she was there for me when I needed it. I only hope I could do the same. Our bond only grew but little did I know something else changed in me. I found that out the moment I almost lost her. An enemy spy infiltrated our ranks and since Ariella was a good bargaining chip for her good charisma with our platoon and got along with everyone, she was targeted. I made the decision to ask her to marry me so I hid in her room inside her closet peeking through the blinds as she entered the room. I had it all planned out. Dinner reservations, a flowery pedal walkway ending with food and drinks so we can wine and dine. Before I popped out to scare her, someone entered her quarters and locked the door behind him. Fear began to rise and rise quickly. She turned startled, "oh my gosh, what are you doing here"?
"I came to ask you a few questions".
"Can this wait for tomorrow? You can't just barge into a ladies room like this". She replies upset. He takes out a knife. "No, I can't wait for tomorrow". He pulls Ariellas hair and slides the knife across the neck threatening he'll kill her if she didn't tell him information about what our platoon job was and where we were going. I saw fear in Ariellas eyes which I never thought I'd see. I was left transfixed, I've accepted I was a sadist no more, Ariella broke me out of it. I broke free from my fear when he slid the knife ever so slowly across her skin releasing a bit of blood trickle down her collar bone. My blood unfroze to a boiling pot of heat as I exit the closest slowly and approach the man until I was behind him piercing down knives like eyes thinking the lf the wonderful amount of torture I'm going to inflict. Ariella seeing this brought a smile to her face ever so slowly why the spy noticed. "What are you smiling about"? She looks at him then looks up to me, he follows her gaze to see me and I immediately grabbed his arm with the blade and broke it releasing Ariella in the process. What I did next was inhumane, I would have killed the man but Ariella stopped me before I tried to rip his spine out. "Please stop, Clovis, he's had enough". "HE TRIED TO HURT YOU" I regurgitated in a blinding rage. "I know but don't be like him, be better".
"I don't think that I can".
"I know you can," she says. "You've already shown me you're more than capable. Please don't let yourself down". I couldn't help but listen to her, the annoying voice that once annoyed me now brings me solace, I find it welcoming. It was like a spell. They take the spy away, then they wish us good work then left us to our own devices. When alone she asked "why were you in my closet"? I sigh, I guess this is a better time than any. "Because I want to do this". I get on one knee and ask her "Ariella, you not only showed me how to feel fear, but to love. The thought of not having you in my life brought fear into my lungs, I saw life differently. I want you to talk to me for hours on end about your day and how the moon resembles a light in our darkest hour as the sun symbolizes your fiery spirit. I don't deserve this but, will you do me the honor and marry me"? Without any hesitation and almost cutting me off she says "yes" and I take Ariella in her embrace. "Can I tell you a secret"? She asked. "No" I jokingly say. She laughs. "I got scared too"
"You did" I responded as if I didn't know. "I wasn't afraid of dying, but not being able to see you again, to not express my feelings for you. I'm ashamed to say I was scared". A tear trickled down her cheek, I wiped it from her face. "So was I". Finally I kissed her then closed the door behind us as we melted into each other for the night and rested from then onward for the rest of our lives.


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